In Laws taking over rehearsal dinner

Mary,

I'm sorry your having issues with the in-laws.

Traditionally the Rehearsal Dinner the grooms' parents pay and if they are hosting/paying they get to decide who they want to invite and all that jazz. HOWEVER you can express that you and your FH have strong feelings on how you would like to enjoy the dinner. But if they are having it at their home and family is staying more then likely the extra family will be there.

Are they paying for the RD? If so then she can invite who she wants, plus if it is at her house and they are staying there it would be rude not include them. I understand where you are coming from

Welcome to WW, Mary! First, you have over a year until your wedding, so don't split hairs about this just yet.

Who is paying for what? If you guys are willing to pay for the rehearsal that YOU want, that solves the issue. You can offer to come over for a regular dinner before the rehearsal as a way to appease them, perhaps tell them to save the "open house" for those not invited for a few months after your wedding/honeymoon.

Where does your FH stand in all this? Does he agree with you or want to give his parents leeway?

I hope you'll update your avatar (the rings) to ANY unique picture off Google that we can more easily remember in the future. This post tells you how to do that: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/welcome-to-the-weddingwire-forums-please-read-if-you-are-new/b433c40c1a62b96a.html

Thank you all for the great advice. I am definitely very appreciative that they are going to help us. The problem is that everytime I turn around they have these ideas that they have never discussed. I sat down with my fiance and he agreed that we don't want to have a party the day after our wedding, and also that his parent's probably shouldn't cook the meal, but he wants me to deal with it or talk to them myself. I do have an array of options. I'm even fine with having it at their house, but I just want her to cook. I feel like solving this problem now is going to help tremendously. The only issue I have is that, she keeps pushing me and will not relent. I think my fiance should definitely be part of the conversation on boundaries. She also wants to invite her sisters friends and my fiance sisters friends who she doesn't see often. I told her that she can invite whomever she wants, keeping in mind we may not be there the whole time. It's basically her thinking about what they want..

I agree with Soon 2be Mrs.K - The rehearsal dinner is also known as the 'Groom's Dinner', and traditionally is controlled by the groom's parents. Also, don't demote her to just 'cook' at her own son's rehearsal dinner. Let them be the hosts. Give them limited control over little things, like the RD, so they feel included without pushing their way into your more important decisions.

But on everything else, you definitely need to set some boundaries! Just make sure you and your FH are always on the same side, providing a united front for your baby family.

My friend had this problem with her MIL. We found out that her MIL had had no say in her own wedding (because of HER MIL), and so she wanted say in a wedding, even if it wasn't hers. When she was reminded how awful that felt for her, she backed off. Maybe see if this is your FMIL's problem? Maybe she never had her dream wedding, due to outside forces, and is now being the outside force on yours to live out her own dream.

Thanks Trena. I completely agree. I totally want them to do the rehearsal and I'm just going to pick my battles and hope that she includes me. I have heard her talk about how her own wedding was a disaster. Maybe she is trying to compensate because she didn't have what she wanted. Thanks!

I have to agree. If they are paying for the RD then she gets to decide. Altough on the other part of it. If she is not paying for the wedding then she needs to respect your wants and who you want to invite. I would say a firm no to the day after party. That is not how you guys want to start out your honeymoon or your new life together. I think it is craxy she even suggested that. You are 100% right on picking your battles. Some are just not worth it in the ends. Hope all goes well for you. Good Luck!

AHA! Yup, another mom wanting to re-create her wedding. I wish you all the luck, and if you and FH are paying (or even your parents) just talk about certain details as little as possible to FMIL. If she gives suggestions, just politely say that you will take her ideas into consideration, even if you've already decided on that particular thing. That way she feels like she is giving input, but isn't really.

I'm having the same problem.....my FILS want to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but my FH and I don't like their suggestions. In fact, we hate them. They got insulted and it ended up starting a fight. Now we may be the ones paying for the RD, which is better because we can choose the place. The funny thing is, we already told them no twice on a certain place, and they still tried pushing it. I get that it's their choice, but do the bride and groom have any say at all?