In-laws 50th wedding Rolls in to Christmas drama

I think if they’ve only ever come down to see your husband twice in 20 years, I wouldn’t expect them to suddenly jump to and visit more. I would let your husband handle this, but it sounds like he needs to set some boundaries with his mother about what kind of behavior is and isn’t allowed when she’s speaking with him.

I’m guessing that neither you or your husband are young adults anymore. You both need to stop allowing his parents to manipulate you into feeling guilty. You are grown with lives of your own, and they should be proud that they have a son and daughter in law that are out in the world doing their thing rather than mooching off them and living in the basement. You can only do so much, and are only one half of that relationship. If they don’t put any effort in and won’t try to find a way to see you, clearly things will never improve. I would think 20 years is enough time for you to see the clear picture of how they intend to be in your lives. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it may be time to make peace with the fact they’re not going to be the in laws you want.

View Quoted Comment Thank you I tell my husband all the time that I have a relationship with my family because I reach out to them and they do the same! His parents when I reach out they say something stupid. My husband and I have been together 3 years and I’m still trying to wrap my head around this weird family lol. I’ve only met them 2 times. But I think now that my husband is around a family he wants his parents to care. They left when he was 19 and didn’t come back to visit until he was 39. I guess I’m trying to make them like my family. But your right we don’t owe them thank you

View Quoted Comment This, this, all of this.

Well, tbh I’m a little torn. On the one hand, I completely understand why they are upset. It’s not like you didn’t know their 50th was coming, whether they had already planned a party or not (I’m assuming, this is just my thought process). So I can see why they would be upset that their son and daughter in law didn’t try to make time. I understand you wanna save it for when you have a baby, and your husband just started a new job, but my thought would be that you could take a couple days off for something that’s also very important happening now. And your husband could have mentioned that time off during an interview. In my experience, employers have no problem working around things they know are coming. So, if those things are all true ^^ I don’t blame them for being upset. I would be too.


Where I DONT agree with them is the manipulation. They’re complaining about boarding their dogs for your wedding? Everyone with dogs knows they may need to do that every once in a while. My future in laws live alone and do it all the time. So that’s a weird complaint to me, and obviously I don’t agree with the yelling. I think you’re all adults and in this scenario you all messed up. They need to accept that they need to put in more of an effort to see their son and get to know you more. They sound tiresome. And I do think you guys need to accept that you kinda dropped the ball with the 50th anniversary thing. It happens, but I do think all of you need to talk.