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Chelsea
Expert July 2021

In Law Issues

Chelsea, on February 18, 2020 at 4:56 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 25

Hello, I just simply want opinions on this matter. I have been with my FH for 11 years. Both sides of our families have been waiting for us to get married. We got engaged and we were so happy. His mom is the type to be angry at the world and start drama. We can get along but we have bumped heads....

Hello,


I just simply want opinions on this matter. I have been with my FH for 11 years. Both sides of our families have been waiting for us to get married. We got engaged and we were so happy. His mom is the type to be angry at the world and start drama. We can get along but we have bumped heads. Her family is the largest out of everyone so her guest list is double the amount of everyone else. At the beginning I have asked her what she is comfortable helping pay for things as my parents arent paying for everything. So far my parents have paid for hall for ceremony/ reception, DJ, Photobooth, Planner, and Decorator. That is a bit with all the deposits. I have tried to openly bring it up with her and she likes to change the subject. I have gotten an answer "Whatever you want me to help with?, oh how much is that and changes the subject. Now so far I told her my FH and I are saving up for our photographer and she SHOCKLY gave me $100 for it. (didnt help much but still was happy to recieve something). I decided to take her to look at flowers with me and every week sense "are you booking flowers with her"? NO because I am not spending 1k on flowers. Sorry but if you want to please be my guest. She spent 1k on her other sons wedding but brides parents paid for everything.

Our boat is different and we need to figure out how much we need to get a loan out for so we can plan the rest of the wedding out. My FH brought it up last night since she asked again about flowers he asked if she would pay for them. Her response "I gave her $100"...........

Neither one of his parents seem to want to help with anything but yet want to invite the whole town and have a huge party. My FH and I are starting to argue more about this as he doesnt see it. We can not afford 250 guest with 15k... Is his mom playing games to stress me out?


HELP.. opinions

Oh I asked his dad for a guest list in August-November and still nothing! So i assumed 20 people.. Does his family just not care about us getting married?!

25 Comments

  • F
    Dedicated September 2020
    Furure Mrs. ·
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    Maybe sit down with him and break down the costs of everything per person so that he understands? Include everything which the costs will increase as your guest list does, like food, rentals, decorations, etc. I know I've had friends who have had to do this when they got married because their husbands only thought about the catering cost when they were thinking about how many people they could afford to invite. And also make mention of the other costs involved. I know my FH didn't realize how quick all of the little things would add up, but now that we've gone through everything together a couple of times he has a clearer idea of what the costs are that are involved.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    If his dad doesn't have a list, then shouldn't it be okay for his mom to have 85 since you allocated enough space for 80 for both his parents already?

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  • Crystal
    Devoted October 2020
    Crystal ·
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    I thought I replied to this.


    Tell her she needs to cut her list. You told them 40, she gave you more. You can tell her 30 and say it's budget reasons. I'm a believer of no pay, no say. I know it can be hard when the family says, "But you have to". But it's your money and your day.

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  • Chelsea
    Expert July 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    I gave each parent 40. His parents are divorced. Her list/family alone is 85. as his dad hasn't gave me a list and doesn't have much family.

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  • S
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
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    I would honestly just not expect anything from them. FH & I budgeted and expected to pay for own wedding. I had a feeling I would not get much help from the Future in laws. My mom has been sooo sweet in helping pay for some major parts of the wedding. Also traditionally the brides family does pay for everything and the grooms family is supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Things change now though soo yeah.

    Maybe you should cut down your guest list and tell your fh that some of those people can't be invited because it does not fit in your budget. Then tell him to tell his mom that and she will just have to accept that especially if she is not paying

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