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Jai
VIP May 2020

In-law Complications

Jai, on September 7, 2020 at 9:33 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 32

So, my husband and I have a strained relationship with his parents. They arent the easiest people to get along with. They are opinionated, can be rude, and have made it clear they don't like me. Their reasons are: they dont like interracial couples (I'm 1/2 black n 1/2white and hes all white), &...
So, my husband and I have a strained relationship with his parents. They arent the easiest people to get along with. They are opinionated, can be rude, and have made it clear they don't like me. Their reasons are: they dont like interracial couples (I'm 1/2 black n 1/2white and hes all white), & I'm outspoken (if something rude is said to me I will say something and not take it; my husband backs me up and does the same). They didn't come to our wedding, his dad never showed up to pick out his suit with the groomsmen like he said he would & blew him off.

The reason I'm writing this is I don't know what to do anymore to resolve things. My husband has reached out to his parents twice so we can sit down and talk things out. Once was before our wedding and his mom never texted him back. The second was earlier today and she never got back to him. She did text him yesterday regarding furniture she is giving away since they moved and If he knows anyone that wants it. Every time he reaches out his texts go ignored. He works with his dad and there is tension between them. My husband wants to give up and throw the towel in since they are unresponsive to him. I dont know of any other way to resolve things.
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32 Comments

  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Does he get on with his dad working, and just have issues with him about you? Or do they have other issues? Or just mom stirring the pot?
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Mending relationships is a two way street, and they are not reciprocating.

    I'm sorry, I completely understand - most of my family is very toxic. I was speaking with my father last night, and asked how he and I escaped it. His answer is harsh, but true.

    You draw the line that protects you and your health and safety. You hold that line. That line often means limited or no contact with that part of the family.

    It won't be pretty, right away. Kind of like a tsunami, or a volcanic eruption. Lots of mess and hurt.

    But with time, and *holding that line*... you can find a way to heal.

    As someone still dealing with the fallout, I can only recommend therapy (particularly for your DH).

    If they can't respect you, respond to you, interact with you... that's on them. Don't give them your energy, they haven't earned it.

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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Yea I think it's time to stop trying
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Lol yes sometimes in the moment its like I can't stand u guys. I have to talk with my husband about letting his anger go
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Thank you! Last night we talked more and decided to distance ourselves and leave it alone. Because we made several attempts and cant keep trying. We need to be happy
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Their working relationship is fine, they avoid talking about personal issues. They have other issues too; any decision my husband makes for himself they have an opinion about it. We walk on eggshells around these people
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    This really hit home and means a lot. Currently hubby is in therapy and we do couples therapy. His parents have always been tough love n cold people. Limited or no contact is the way we're about to go. Dealing with the fallout hurts us both, but we cant keep putting on fake faces to be around them
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    Power to you! Here’s to your happiness and the new weight off of your shoulders 💃🏼
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Thank you! WW has supportive people on it and has made going through situations easier!
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  • M
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    Girl I just want to say I am so sorry you and your spouse are dealing with this with his family. Unfortunately it sounds like they don’t want to face the issue and talk about it openly, which is very unfortunate. I feel like you’ve done all that you can do by extending the olive branch several times. At this point in your lives it sounds like some safe distancing and boundaries are what you need in order to move forward. Good luck! And may your relationship with your spouse be as strong as ever!

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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Thank you ! And as hard as it is to move forward I know we must do it
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Yes! Don't stress over them, as long as you two are happy that's what matters most

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