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Jai
VIP May 2020

In-law Complications

Jai, on September 7, 2020 at 9:33 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 32
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So, my husband and I have a strained relationship with his parents. They arent the easiest people to get along with. They are opinionated, can be rude, and have made it clear they don't like me. Their reasons are: they dont like interracial couples (I'm 1/2 black n 1/2white and hes all white), & I'm outspoken (if something rude is said to me I will say something and not take it; my husband backs me up and does the same). They didn't come to our wedding, his dad never showed up to pick out his suit with the groomsmen like he said he would & blew him off.

The reason I'm writing this is I don't know what to do anymore to resolve things. My husband has reached out to his parents twice so we can sit down and talk things out. Once was before our wedding and his mom never texted him back. The second was earlier today and she never got back to him. She did text him yesterday regarding furniture she is giving away since they moved and If he knows anyone that wants it. Every time he reaches out his texts go ignored. He works with his dad and there is tension between them. My husband wants to give up and throw the towel in since they are unresponsive to him. I dont know of any other way to resolve things.

32 Comments

Latest activity by Yasmine, on September 8, 2020 at 7:52 AM
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    It's not your job to resolve it. They are your hubby's parents. He must decide whether he wants to keep trying or not.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Do they really dislike interracial relationships? I've witnessed so many situations where a persin was accussed of this and/or flat out racism when it was false. Have you ever seen that netflix show, YOU?
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    They do! They have told us this to our faces when we began dating. And his grandma also told him that his parents were going to throw him out the house because of dating me. And yep I've seen that Netflix show
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  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    To be honest, it doesn’t sound like these are the kind of people you and your husband need in your lives even if they are blood relatives. If they don’t like you just because you are half black, how are they going to feel about any kids you and your husband may have? It sounds like the two of you have tried several times to sit down with them and discuss the issues so everyone can move forward, and they have no interest. I would let your husband take the lead on how to handle things from here, but I’m not the type to believe that family deserves endless chances just because they are family.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Ok do u remember the first season where Beck's friend Peach released a video on social media where their mutual friend who is Caucasian sats on camera "gosh I wish white men would flirt with me and find me attractive. It's always AA men who like me." She was accused of racism for saying that. I think there is NOTHING wrong with a woman wanting men from her own culture to find her attractive.
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    I'm in a situation that has some of the same elements, and I'm so sorry. It sucks, it's demoralizing and just wears on you - and I'm not the one that's the subject of the discrimination (as you are.) We don't have a great solution - I just minimize our contact and keep it super surface level. No politics, nothing major, and we've stopped really trying for like "welcoming" or "acceptance" - just keeping it civil for the one or two dinners a year and then not connecting. It blows. I'm sorry you're both going through this.
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Mhm yes I do. Nd youre right. And i will let my hubby decide what he wants to do with his parents. It's hard seeing him stressed and upset over it. In the end, I believe he may distance himself.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    My FH and his family are AA. He has two older brothers who bash AA women and say that they think all AA women are ugly, uneducated, ghetto, etc. They both only date Caucasian women and I feel so sorry for them. Its perfectly fine to fall in love with someone who HAPPENS to come from a different culture. But it is extremely sad and unhealthy for a person to find their own culture as ugly and inferior and intentionally SEEK out a romantic partner of a different culture because of their own self hate.
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    We are actually considering doing that. Showing up for holidays and that's it. Even holidays are uncomfortable and it isnt a happy occasion. And it sucks not being able to connect- and not having a relationship with my in laws. But at the end of the day I'm happy with my husband. I'm glad I can relate with you, but does suck there are others going through this too
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Thanks for your support Jessica and your advice! I'm def gonna let my husband handle it and support what decision he makes. I've cut my family out due to them being racist and alcoholics and just ruining family gatherings, all I talk to is my parents and that is it. Unfortunately my husband gives his family endless chances and tonight we talked about that and he realizes its biting him in the butt and not working. And they have made it clear they dont want grandchildren.
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  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri ·
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    Did your husband have a close relationship with his parents before you two started dating, or have they had this tension for a while?

    I'm sorry you are both going through this. FH has a great relationship with his dad, but barely has one with his mom (parents are divorced). After trying to make things work for years, I think he's just done with spending so much energy on attempting to repair the relationship while it's not being reciprocated.

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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    That is ashame. Because every race and culture is beautiful. Love is love, and doesnt have a color.i agree with you!
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Honestly they've had this tension for awhile and it got worse when we started dating. They judge him and dont like any decisions he makes in his life that make him happy. And my husband has been attempting to fix things since May and it isnt working. Even before me, when he tried talking with them it turns into a battle. And I'm sorry your FH is going through that. Its hard watching them go through something emotionally draining
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I think that if he’s continuously tried then I would honestly leave it alone. I feel like they’ll eventually come around but I wouldn’t keep pressing the issue
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  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Of course! Surround yourselves with the people who love and support you and don’t let negative families drag you down.
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    They may, but we agreed to leave it alone and move on so we can be happy
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    This is true. Especially when theres positivity out there
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    There’s only so much you can! You guys have tried reaching out and they haven’t responded and so there’s not much else that can be done if they’re not willing to also move forward
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    Yeah, we're going to start avoiding holidays as well I think. We live far enough away and honestly his family is nicer to both of us than my family (specifically father) is. So we'll do the "aww shame we can't make it" and send a gift and spend as little time thinking about him as possible.


    Something that has helped me at times is not thinking about it as forgiving him or "rising above" him. I'm allowing *us* to have a more calm and loving life the less that he's in it, so I allow myself to let go of my anger about it. Definitely doesn't work in the moment or when he's being actively disrespectful to my partner, in which case I typically go for "screw this we're out of here, way to ruin Christmas you alcoholic". But it does serve as a mantra for the times I have space to process. 😄✌️
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    In all honesty, I would cut contact with his parents, or at the very least limit your relationship to arms’ length, at least until they endeavour to repair the relationship. No woman (or man) should need to apologise for being confident and standing up for what they believe in / defending themselves. What is of significant concern to me is that they are racist.

    I admire the dignity of yourself and your husband in attempting to make amends with them despite how horrible his parents have been to the both of you, but given they have an issue with your biracial-ness, it is them who need to make amends.

    Being family does not create an entitlement to be rude towards or mistreat other family members, and it most certainly does not give them a free pass to be racists. For me personally, that is where I would draw the line in the sand.

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