Immediate Family Wedding Etiquette

That’s exactly what my oldest daughter did. Her SIL officiated and there were a total of 11 of us including the bride and groom. Afterwards we went to a reserved room at an upscale restaurant in downtown Chicago. It was a beautiful intimate wedding. Our extended family and friends understood since we kept it to only immediate family. My only regret was not hiring a photographer, but other than that she had the dress, flowers, and complete wedding experience. Congrats and Happy Planning!

I’m doing parents, grandparents, and siblings only and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Not only for the cost benefit, but because we are not the type of people who love big events with parties and traditions. We like to keep things simple and lowkey. I’m sure your extended family and friends will understand your decision. They will probably all want pictures though!

What you are planning sounds absolutely lovely. I would go for it. We are doing almost the same, we invited 25 people including us. We have small families so, it is parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles only. We each chose one couple to invite as our friends (though if you have a large friend circle you worry about offending you could keep it just to family).

The only thing I would do is ensure that your brother is legally able to marry you where you are from. The laws vary from state to state (and even county to county I believe).

When I got married we had just my parents and brother and sister in law as guests. My husband's parents were unable to make it. I loved having a small wedding.

I feel like I could’ve written this post 6 months ago. I couldn’t fathom spending so much money on one day, but we also had about 100 people who we genuinely cared about and wanted to be there.

We decided to go all out with a 100 person wedding. A wedding is a once in a lifetime opportunity to get EVERYONE you love all in the same room! While the cost still makes me cringe, I keep reminding myself: you can always make more money. You CANT go back in time and give yourself another wedding day.

This is pretty much exactly what we did, and it's worked out great for the most part. There are a couple members of my extended family that I would've liked to invite, but we couldn't invite some and not the rest. What I'm doing is giving the people know might be a little hurt a call to explain the situation. Other than that though, having a small wedding has kept the stress to a minimum and allowed us to splurge a little on things like an open bar and really good food. I know we'll have a great time, our guests will have a great time, and my FH and I can focus on enjoying ourselves instead of being traditional hosts.

I was in a very similar position to you. We were either going to have a 150+ person wedding or an intimate one. We ended up having 20 total people, just immediate family and small wedding parties and it was absolutely perfect. Extended families understood and we were much more comfortable with the budget that way. If you have specific questions about small weddings, feel free to reach out, I loved planning mine but there are some differences with a small wedding as opposed to the large ones in terms of planning! Hope this helps!

We were originally planning a big wedding, but our anxiety was super high about it so we completely changed our plans and did immediate family, grandparents, and bridal party.

I'm only doing parents and our children. We arent inviting siblings or nieces/nephews. No other family members know we are getting married nor do our friends. That way none would be hurt with the fact they werent invited. We are having a jp marry us. Then doing dinner after

All - thanks for your feedback! I am curious how much you ended up spending honestly because our intimate option would end up being around 20 people. Under $5k? Under $2k? Did you opt for an upscale restaurant - and, was it fun? Did you have a first dance? I guess our 2 biggest battles are will it still be fun considering the overall moral isn't going to be all party party party, and then will we reallllyyy end up saving that much money in the end? We have crunched numbers and found vendors that can get us to a ~$15k cost for a 100 person wedding, but we will only get $10k from our parents if we opt out of the wedding event. So if we still end up spending $5k then really we aren't saving a whole lot in the end game.

I'm curious -- did any one opting for the small intimate wedding notify un-invited close family members before hand, and if so, how did you do it? It's looming as a huge question in my mind (I'm the mother of the bride with family members who will probably be insulted if they don't hear in advance). Any comments will be most appreciated :-) And thank you!

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Hi Sarilee - so we did decide to do an immediate family ceremony after all. Our situations may be different as our mother's insisted we have a casual party a few months after the ceremony and invite everyone. It will be kegs & tacos at a nice park venue so the pressure is much lower. We are sending out announcements/invitations that will arrive just after our wedding date so that people find out personally and right away.

View Quoted Comment This is exactly what I want to do! We are having a small, immediate family only wedding, but I would like to have a large party a couple months later. Keep us posted on how it works out! Has anyone been offended that they weren’t invited to the wedding but a party instead? That’s what I’m worried about for our situation.

Except for immediate family, I do not know anyone who feels hurt at not being invited to a wedding. A lot of people are upset to find other people than family were invited, and they weren't. Which means they are insulted not to be first choice, not actually upset or hurt about not being present at your wedding . But as long as people know it was only immediate family, people respect that .

View Quoted Comment A wedding is not your only chance to have all the people you love together. You can have a party, anytime after you are married. Have one every year if you like. And actually have a lot more time to spend with individual guests than at the average 6 hour ceremony and reception. I have never understood why people on WW sometimes talk as though their wedding is the end of their social life, the only and best party you can ever have. It is the beginning of your married social life. People who only have 5-20 at their wedding, can have holiday or theme parties, housewarmings, host reunions, annual cookouts, have parties for 100 or 200. Live a little, all the time, all your life! It does not end at your wedding. And non-wedding parties can be half the cost or even less, for the same number of people. We go to 2-3 parties a year, of people who have 100-130 people every year ( holiday cookout) or every 2 years, or every five.

View Quoted Comment Hi Kayla, to be honest, yes some people have taken this very harshly. My best friend included. It's been really hard for me to relate to their selfish feelings, as I know hundreds of people have intimate weddings everyday, and surely we aren't the first to do this. However, I think some people really don't know that this is common and they just don't understand and take it personally. I end up saying because of our financial situation, our decision meant we were allowed to do what we wanted for our day and it was perfect. They have to respect that in the end, right? It's been painful, but ultimately the wedding day was the most perfect day for my husband and I and we don't regret it.

View Quoted Comment Hi. We are in a similar situation. We want an intimate wedding with only 20 guests. But I’m having trouble finding a place to hold the ceremony. It seems that most places I’ve looked have a minimum guest requirement. Do you have any advice on where to host a small ceremony? We are planning to have to reception at a small restaurant.

View Quoted Comment Do you have any advice for someone planning a small wedding? I’m going to have 13 total and I’m not sure where to even start! We’re in the process of getting our church booked but in terms of the reception/luncheon after I’m insure

View Quoted Comment Hi Brianna,
Sorry to dredge up an old post, but I’m in the same boat. We have decided to have immediate family only (~25-30ppl max) In May and my fiancé wants to have a casual party in July to celebrate with everyone else. I’ve gotten so much mixed feedback. Is love to know how your party went. What wording did you choose for you marriage announcement/invites that went out after ? Did you all have a registry or a bridal shower? I’m not sure I can do either since no one is getting invited to the ceremony? Please help! Lol

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Hi, Brianna!
I am planning a small wedding as well! I have the same questions as you!!!

Small wedding as in parents, siblings, and possibly aunts?? My H has no aunts uncles, but I have 6.

We are planning it for July. We've thought about recording it through Facebook live for our friends and family? Mainly because of the pandemic. My family consists of an older generation and I am worried about their safety. I could easily have a 100+ wedding, but we have decided to keep it small, low key, and no big crowds.

I've also received a lot of mixed feedback unfortunately, but it is what we want and tbh we don't want to wait any longer.

I have no idea where to even start for food lol, how do you entertain 12 people? Are we obligated to have more than fingerfoods + drink?

Phew. Originally I wanted to elope, would've been easier lol!!!