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RaylaSan
Expert February 2021

I'm tired of feeling like a villain just for wanting to have a wedding

RaylaSan, on January 19, 2021 at 1:51 PM Posted in Community Conversations 1 26

My wedding is in 25 days, and I honestly thought it was gonna be a tiny bit easier to handle, since everything planning related is done, and now all I have to do is just finish up with last minute payments.


However, collecting RSVPS have been an uphill battle, and I have really been slowly losing my insanity. I've already sent out RSVP reminders, reminding people to get their RSVPs in by the deadline, and I made sure to make a point to mention to everyone that my fiancée and I are doing everything we can to ensure the safety of our guests. I even made sure to make a point in mentioning all over our wedding website, insuring guests that we're doing whatever we can to make it as safe as possible.


While many guests that have RSVPed yes are looking forward to it, I can't help but think of the small minority that are against it.


My parents have made it a point to paint me as a villain for still having my wedding. I've already accepted the fact that they aren't going, and I've made peace with it, BUT I don't know why they have to go out of their way saying I'm a horrible freaking person, the worse kind of trash alive, literally to the point that their blaming me for COVID. It's gotten so bad that I don't even talk to them anymore.


Now, while we're in the midst of collecting RSVPS, and some guests who declined going, for some reason made a point telling my fiancee and I that we're making a mistake, and that we should just cancel. Listen, I don't mind if people RSVP us "NO", I understand and I get why they won't feel comfortable with going, but nothing bothers me more than the guests that decline their invitation, and think it's appropriate to say something like "Congrats, but I think you're making the worse decision of your life and you should cancel".


Now even my future MIL is voicing out her concerns, encouraging us to just have a tiny wedding now, and have the reception later.


I just wish they'd understand that it's too late for that. Our venue won't allow it, and if we cancel, even postpone our wedding now we're losing over $10,000. In the first place, I don't want to postpone, I don't want to cancel. I have been so depressed lately, and the only thing keeping me going is the wedding. It's the only thing I've had to look forward to, the only thing keeping me going, and I wish people understood that. It's not something a professional can help me with, It's not like I can just go up and cancel everything one month out, and lose literally all the time and money we've invested. I'm not that strong of a person.

26 Comments

Latest activity by Sara, on January 26, 2021 at 11:19 AM
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    I guess you have to weigh the pros and cons. It doesn’t sound like you’re excited at all, and there’s a lot of turmoil coming with the day. Is losing $10k worse than a prolonged fallout with family? Will you even care about that money if you’re miserable all day? Or worse, someone gets sick? Or do you think you’ll be able to have fun and enjoy? These are tough decisions to make and I wish you the best of luck.
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Hey Bride,
    First off, you are definitely not a bad person for wanting to have your wedding.
    There are many other things going on daily in life that aren’t essential that still get to happen there in my opinion have WAYYY LESS restrictions in place as far as Covid safety goes.It sounds like you’re doing everything you can to ensure the safety of your guests.As much as it sucks not having your family members attend, you’re probably better off without them. You don’t need that kind of stress on your wedding day! They sound extremely unsupportive and quite toxic! My fiancé and I have set a rule that if people don’t respond by the week after the RSVP date, we will just assume that they don’t want to go. The last thing we need to be doing is chasing down adults to get an rsvp.
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  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
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    You make it sound like it was justified for my parents to call me a piece of trash human for wanting to have a wedding. I may be a piece of trash in that regards, but I don't think it's appropriate in any context to call your child that. What's the point in appeasing my family when they've never been there for me, what's the point in trying to appease them, when they thought it was a fine idea to move out of the freaking country, in the middle of COVID, literally leaving their daughter all by herself. Yeah, supportive parents, It's not like I'm mad that they aren't going, I understand, and I just wish they'd leave me alone and stop contacting me. Also, I am looking forward to my wedding, I'm just stressed and I think I deserve to be.

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  • ArizonaDreaming
    Devoted September 2021
    ArizonaDreaming ·
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    This is uncharted times. You have to understand that these people you have invited to your wedding are not just random people. They are loved ones and people that care about you and others around you. I would weigh the pros and cons. If you feel that this wedding is worth it, then do it. But you are facing the day without certain people being there. If someone gets sick, you will be who they look at. It is a damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Money does not go with you to the grave, and this is something that is so true in these times. It is entirely up to you, but the backlash is to be expected.

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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    First of all, I would just like to say that I am so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately, being a bride right now isn’t the happy, carefree experience brides in the past have gotten.
    In terms of your particular situation, my best advice would be to remind yourself that, even though these people declining to attend are upsetting you with what they’re saying, they are only saying it out of fear and concern- not out of hate. When it comes to personal health and safety (especially in a situation when the actions of others can directly affect your own personal health/safety), fears and concerns run high. Don’t let their words ruin your day or become a relationship ending thing. If I were you, I would simply reply with “We will miss having you there, but we respectfully understand your decision to not attend. We wish you nothing but love and health!”
    Then move on with your day & don’t worry about it again. Worrying and focusing on what others think/say is never going to change their feelings.. It’s only going to cause negativity for you and your wedding experience. Focus on the positives and have the most fun you can on your special day- this is a once in a lifetime event, and you don’t want to look back with regret because you allowed other peoples opinions to ruin it!
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    No offense, but “loved ones “and “people who care “don’t call o their loved ones trash or say horrible things to them. People who truly care wouldn’t just out right say that they disagree with this couple having a wedding.
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Oh, and in terms of people not RSVPing... I would call or text each of them saying you have to get a final headcount to the venue, so you will need their RSVP (yes or no) by X date; and if you do not hear from them by that date, you will assume they are not attending and mark them down as a no.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Oh no. Of they treat you so poorly abd you don't talk to them, and they don't have your best interest at heart, then you shouldn't care what they think
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    Oh girl. No, you don’t need to “weigh the pros and cons”. I’m sure you’ve done that several months ago when the option to cancel was, well, an option. Wanting to marry the person you love so that you can continue with your life together, married, does not in any way make you a bad person. I know it’s hard to get those declines and they are making it even harder with the unnecessary comments. It seems people think it’s ok to just say whatever the hell they want to say no matter who they hurt. Unfortunately that seems to be the new world we live in. But it isn’t ok.
    Just focus on those that truly love and care about you. Those that will be there for your wonderful day to celebrate you and your FH. Hold your head high and show them that you won’t be pulled into their nonsense. You got this!
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  • Connie
    Dedicated December 2021
    Connie ·
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    I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this! It sucks that your family isn't offering support, and it is absolutely horrifying that they are berating you about being responsible for a an event they arent even going to be a part of. Please know that everyone who RSVPs yes or no is a sovereign adult who is capable of making decisions in their best interests and facing any potential consequences of their decision. You are not personally responsible if anyone gets sick, because every single person who left their house knew they were taking some risk to be there. They know how to wear a mask and stay distanced from others. Supporting you is important to the people who will be there, so try to focus on the people you will be celebrating with, even if it isn't everyone you wanted there. Don't let the negativity let you down!
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  • Anie
    Savvy May 2021
    Anie ·
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    I second all of this! You have obviously ALREADY given everything all of the thought and want to have your wedding. I am so so sorry to hear that family members dare to say rude and mean things to you as you prepare for your wedding. You are absolutely NOT trash. I hope your day is beautiful, joyful and full of love regardless. My advise, you have it all planned, and it is happening, whether people like it or not. Forget the haters and GO GET MARRIED!! Smiley heart
    Let them “forgive” you later lol
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I third all of this! 💯 %!!!! Well said ladies.
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  • Erika
    Beginner May 2021
    Erika ·
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    Completely agree. You have already spent so much time thinking about this, that at this point you literally can't go back. No one knew it would still be like this and that isn't your fault. Those who don't want to attend are watching out for their back so don't be hard on yourself or allow others to hate on you for watching your back. It is unfortunate you won't have people there that you would like or that your family is being mean by calling names but F* it and move forward. Start thinking positively, start imaging how you are going to walk down the isle and have this next month to yourself. Once you get those RSVP's in, take a day to get a mini massage or a facial and leave the past in the past. Temporarily block people if you have to. It is hard to move on when you don't have your family's full support but girl you got this! Wishing you all the luck and Happy Almost Wedding day!

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  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
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    How many people did you invite to your wedding or what’s the maximum capacity that your venue is allowing?


    If I remember correctly, aren’t you having your wedding in California? Considering we currently have a stay-at-home order and aren’t allowed to hold large gatherings, I’m surprised your venue isn’t allowing you to postpone without losing money. California has a 0% ICU capacity and we’re now just starting to see a small decline in new cases. The venue shouldn’t be penalizing you for having to postpone due state ordinances especially since they can get in trouble for holding a large gathering.
    I can see why your family/friends are concerned though I don’t agree with them inserting their opinion(s) when declining your invitation. I’m sure you’re all old enough to know the risk you and your attending guests are taking with this event.
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  • Antoinette
    VIP April 2021
    Antoinette ·
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    Hey, I'm just gonna say this.... It's about you and your soon to be husband. You two is the main ones that need to show up(if you get what Im saying). The ones that want to be there will be the ones who don't wont be. Celebrate with the ones who took the time to come and show yall love. I'm having a destination vow renewal in vegas in april of this year. We having the whole wedding and everything. We ain't gonna worry about who don't come. We will give out welcome bags with things like hand sanitizer, tissue, wipes, and masks etc. That's to let ppl know we care about they health and Im sure they gonna be prepared as well.

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  • J
    Jennifer ·
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    I can understand your frustrations and concerns of self peace at this time because of your family and others that have inserted there opinions that aren’t needed nor wanted. It can make things a bit out of wack bec of the situation. See it as this people will always give there opinions wanted or not. Because misery loves company and they want you to feel what they feel ither way put it behind you give it to god it’s going to be your day with those who truly care for you and you husband coming together as one. They will miss out on the joys and blessings. Just don’t even let it stress you out when it does take a walk and talk to the lord he will always give you what you need
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  • B
    Dedicated March 2021
    Brittany ·
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    I am going through something similar with my fiancé’s family. Mine are all gung-ho but his are not. They always have a reason we should forgo marriage (even before Covid they were cooking up reasons) and we finally decided to accept that they’re equally as “selfish” as they claim we are (for wanting to get married whether it’s just us and a Justice of the Peace or something larger). We have made some compromises and just told people if you don’t want to come, then we’re not offended, just don’t RSVP and offer the information to see our livestream the day of. They’re still jerks, but it’s just life and we had to grow tougher skins (Not literally because if it were literal, I’d never be able to get a pedicure again, lol!). It sucks that people sometimes feel the need to say something out of place to “save you” right now, but that’s the reality of the times. So eff em and do what’s best for you, your fiancé, and your future.
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  • Claudia
    Dedicated November 2021
    Claudia ·
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    It sounds like you're not close and don't really want them there anyway, so why stress yourself over it? They said no, move on. Otherwise you'll ruin the special day you're fighting to have.
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  • Beginner June 2022
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    I’m surprised by the comments here. Those people saying your trash are rude and it’s not okay. Just because people love you or care about you doesn’t mean they get to treat you poorly. That’s a horrible view on relationships. Have your wedding and enjoy it. Ignore them. Be as safe as possible and have a badass day. I know it hurts. And that’s okay. Whether it was COVID or not, you’d still have people saying negative things or being hurtful, this is just a new kind. All parts of the world are in weird places right now. My state is completely open but my friends are dealing with full shut down. Do your best and have a good day!
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  • Beginner June 2022
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    Dang sorry for my typo. You’re not your**
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