I’m the Moh for my friends wedding, but she had a courthouse wedding this past weekend. What are the expectations now usually?

I would just ask her what she wants. I agree with PP that a shower might not be appropriate at this time, but it might be nice to still celebrate her at a night out with her best girlfriends. If that's something she is interested in I personally don't see a problem with that.

I would definitely ask her what she is expecting to avoid any unnecessary stress in your friendship. However, I think it would be fine to have a bridal shower and bachelorette. I feel like people get really caught up in the nuances of what these parties mean, when you can just boil it down to: celebrating with loved ones.

If she is still having a traditional wedding in May, I don't see an issue throwing her these parties. We are getting legally married prior to our wedding day because it's out of the country, and I would be upset if my friends decided I no longer could have a bridal shower or bachelorette?

Just ask her what she expects. If she still wants to have a Birdal shower, throw one. If she still wants a bachelorette, throw one. I was married for close to a year before we had either my bridal shower or bachelorette and no one thought it strange at all. We're not at all religious or spiritual, so the marriage itself was pretty inconsequential except for tax purposes and insurance which we needed.

I think the ideas of traditional marriage timelines are really out the window anymore. Most of my friends got legally married before they had a ceremony and reception and still had all the traditional bridal elements.

No one even batted an eye when I still had a bridal shower and bachelorette after being married for close to a year already. Our wedding still isnt until March, all we did was sign a legally binding paper. We never said vows, nothing in our lives changed except I get really good health care now lol. All my friends were still insanely supportive of having a bachelorette and shower. We didnt invite anyone except witnesses to the "ceremony" (I hate even calling it that). I agree, there's not reason a legal document should change what you get to experience as a bride as long as youre still throwing a wedding.

It is sort of interesting the situation. Many people want to be part of the real wedding. Then the idea here is almost that they are not spiritually wedded unless in the church-based event.

The traditions may be changing due to the complex pressures on society. Others have noted that the wedding events may still be done the same way as if the court marriage did not happen. But it is often good if the guests are aware of this rather than feeling like they were tricked. The situation may also be less severe where there is a critical reason to have the civil marriage earlier and then the actual ceremony is close to that moment.

I would ask her if she wants those events. Several years ago my best friend got married in October, sadly her dad became very ill and it became clear he would not be able to attend the large October wedding. They ended up getting legally married in June in her parents front yard with family and the dad's friends he really wanted to see one last time. The big wedding was still had in October. The bridal party still planned and had her bridal shower and bachelorette party for later that summer. If she wants to have those events I think its completely acceptable to do so.

I think I might wonder about the whole shower/bachelorette ideas if the person has been married for quite awhile. I might offer to host a lunch for her friends or something instead of a shower. You could totally do a girls night instead of a bachelorette.

I agree with the others that clarifying her expectations would be a good idea.

I would just ask what her expectations are.

We had Covid completely destroy all of our pre-wedding and wedding plans so did nothing traditionally, but my husband's best man still ended up throwing my husband a "bachelor party" afterward and my hubby very much appreciated it!

Our original wedding date was May 2020, and got derailed when Covid hit right around the time we sent out our invitations in March. My husband's bachelor party had been planned for April but was canceled. We ended up legally marrying on our original date, and had a wedding celebration the following year in June 2021, but that was right around the time people were getting vaccinated so there wasn't time to do a bachelor party beforehand both because things still hadn't opened up yet and because we didn't want to risk social gatherings and people getting sick before folks were vaccinated. We had a baby this year, so the best man ended up planning a make-up bachelor party about four weeks before my due date, as a guys-night-out last hurrah before becoming a dad. It ended up being a full two years after we got married, but it still meant a lot for my husband to have his friends from different chapters of his life (including people he hadn't seen since before the pandemic) all come together to celebrate him.

Just because life throws lemons doesn't mean a bride doesn't deserve to have a party to celebrate her. Sometimes things come up and you just have to do things a bit more non-traditionally.