I'm not invited to uncle's wedding, so why invite to mine - Rant

It isn't tit-for-tat invite him if you want to and understand if you aren't invited to his (finances, venue, etc. a lot of reasons that you may not get an invite)

I honestly never understood the "I'm not invited to theirs so why should they come to mine" mentality.

We aren't five. It's a wedding- they are expensive- you don't appear to be that close so what's the big to do?

I mean if his wedding is say this coming up really soon then i would mention to your grandmother that you haven't gotten an invitation, if its any farther out then that then i would relax on the whole not being invited thing. and you also aren't immediate family, it could just be kids and parents so thats why your grandmother has been saying that is family only.

i also agree that if you haven't talked to him in a long time then you shouldn't feel like you need to invite him to your wedding unless you really want to.

Emmy's taking the words out of my mouth today.

If he invites his nieces/nephews, then that is 6 people (including plus ones) then the bride should be able to invite her nieces/nephews. Do you even know how many nieces/nephews that she has, considering that you wrote that you don't even talk to your uncle? It could add up quickly.

Does you uncle know how you feel?

back when my cousin got married, I was hearing all about her shower. I knew my aunt was going to be picked up my grandma to take her. when I asked about the shower, I was told by my aunt that my cousin had 'only invited our grandma'

ouch.

turned out that my cousin had no idea anyone wanted to come, and she was mad at her mom for not speaking up about the situation. I know it would really tacky and all that to mention it, but you said all this info is coming from grandma.

maybe it wouldn't hurt to speak to your uncle. you're his niece, and I personally would much rather someone speak up than be upset about it. I think it couldn't hurt. if it's tacky, then it's tacky I guess.

I admit I feel kind of like a hypocrite. I totally get what everyone is saying about tit for tat. On all other levels, I agree, it's immature to be all-- they didn't invite me to their wedding so I'm not inviting them to mine. I have friends that have and haven't invited me to their wedding and that's not going to impact if I invite them to my wedding or not. But, as I'm venting, I'm realizing I guess there are some other factors with the situation that upset me (things that aren't appropriate in a forum...you can only air so much dirty laundry online).

His wedding is within the next month, so I think I would have gotten an invite by now. And, in response to us not talking much and/or sounding or being close...the us not talking much has still usually meant for big events (e.g. a wedding) we come together. Another little thing that's the icing on the cake, in addition to him not coming, I've heard my aunt is planning a big family trip next summer (a month before my wedding). I'll be curious to see who opts for the trip vs my wedding (and the trip is much farther away than my wedding). I have some issues with the fact that I expect to have maybe 10 family members while my fiance will have like 30....

Ultimately, I just wish my grandmother would stop bringing it up. I don't know how to nicely say that to her (as I know it sounds immature).

I agree that there are many reasons for someone to not be invited, and wedding invitations certainly aren't tit for tat. It sounds like you are stressed and just needed to vent. Generally people get offended on both sides (host and potential guest) when someone assumes they will be invited to a wedding, that's the bottom line. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I did mostly need to vent. I'm tired of planning the wedding. I took almost a month off from planning. I just started back, but already want to stop again. The issue with my uncle not inviting me is just the tip of the iceberg really. If he's not inviting me, he's probably not coming to my wedding either (even though I'll invite him). I already expect a lot of my remaining family to be unable to make it due to health or travel distance.

Our small guest list allowed for me to invite family only. If most of my family doesn't come, I won't have many guests there to support me...instead it will mostly be my fiancé's family. If most of my family RSVPs no, I'd like to invite a B list of my friends. My fiancé doesn't want to do this. We opted for a small strict set of guidelines to allow for 6 friends between the two of us. I feel like it's unfair if the guests are 80% his side. I guess it's just another conversation that needs to be had. I'm exhausted by intense conversations and debates. I wish I could afford a wedding planner.

Maybe if you just told the grandma that hearing about it hurts your feelings.

I'll be honest and sound immature for a minute, if someone didn't invite me to their wedding, they didn't get an invite to mine. These were mostly people in the same circle of friends, but I have a cousin that I didn't want to invite because I haven't seen him since I was 5 and I don't even know him anymore. I used the fact that I wasn't invited to his wedding as a final justification to not inviting him to mine. I only have a certain number of seats and would rather invite the people I want to have there than the people I have to have there. If I'm not close enough to go to your wedding then you obviously aren't close enough to go to mine. None of my cases had small weddings though.

I'm responding to this " I'm tired of planning the wedding. I took almost a month off from planning.":

You have until next year. If you've got your major vendors... you can't stop planning for a couple months.

IMO- If I am not close with someone, I would not pay $100 a head just to have them at the wedding. I was invited to a friends wedding, but she isn't invited to mine. Mostly because I haven't seen her in a couple years. I think its important to have people you care about at the wedding & B-lists are really offensive. I would HATE to be a B-List friend. Our wedding is 90% my family, FH is fine with it because his family made the choice not to be there. My family is going to be his once the day is over anyways.

Then just tell grammy dearest to please stop talking about it.

Maybe your grandma doesn't realise you are not invited? Just drop a hint that you aren't and that you'd prefer not to hear so much about it since you won't be there and hopefully she'll get it.

And yes, you should have a talk with your FH about your feelings about your side probably being underrepresented. We will have the same since it's really far for my family and I'm not so close to them that they would fly across the ocean to attend, but I came to terms with it.

I guess I just need to talk to grandmother. I hate having talks like that. I know she'll go to my uncle and then it'll become the telephone game and something will get misunderstood. Maybe I can just ignore it...right.

And I understand about B lists. I hate them too. Maybe I shouldn't even call it that. There's a long laundry list of why it works for our wedding (too much to go into) and it's like 4 friends and their 1..not like 20 people or anything. Those friends already assumed they're invited too (maybe awkward convos). So, I'm trying to fit them in. If my uncle doesn't come (which I assume since I'm not invited to his wedding), my 'B list' is about the size of his family.