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Akirah
Dedicated October 2019

I’m not changing my last name!

Akirah, on July 21, 2019 at 9:43 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 32

I’m not taking my FH’s last name. We aren’t even married yet, but his mom got us a card recently and she wrote my last name as his. Him and I had a laugh over this...what an assumption! At any rate, I guess I’ll have to tell her and other family members that my last name isn’t changing after the...
I’m not taking my FH’s last name. We aren’t even married yet, but his mom got us a card recently and she wrote my last name as his. Him and I had a laugh over this...what an assumption! At any rate, I guess I’ll have to tell her and other family members that my last name isn’t changing after the wedding. I’m sure how to broach this and I’m even less sure how she may react, as FH’s parents are fairly conservative. Does anyone have any experience with this?

32 Comments

  • Allison
    Dedicated October 2021
    Allison ·
    • Flag
    They can mind their business. Period. 🤷🏾‍♀️

    I'm keeping my last name and will perhaps hyphenate it when I decide to have kids. My in laws are conservative as well and probably don't understand, but personally I've accomplished so much wearing this name that I'm not giving it up. Degrees, businesses, successes, certifications, cultural history, etc. are all tied to my last name. That's important and people should respect that choice.
    My future sis in law talked her husband into taking her last name (that was their compromise) but my husband isn't my brother or father's child so I wouldn't go that route myself. Either way, they did what would allow them peace in THEIR home.

    Do what will give you that
    • Reply
  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
    • Flag

    We actually made it our hashtag so friends know what our names will be after the wedding. But I did discuss it with my dad and we told her sisters. We're hyphenating names, my maiden name and her grandmother's maiden name, so we had to explain to our family why we're going with those names. I'm sure they'll be happy to respect your decision once you make it known.

    • Reply
  • Nikita
    VIP April 2019
    Nikita ·
    • Flag

    As a suggestion, make sure your friends/family are directly told that you're not changing your name. I have about a 50/50 split and can never remember who did and who did not change their names. It feels very awkward when we have that conversation 3 years after the wedding!

    On a side note, the Mrs. and Mr. Henry Smith drives me nuts (names changed, but still..). I am proud of being a part of his family and taking his name. I still have my own first name though, and I rather like it!

    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    Savvy August 2019
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Oh my gosh I am borrowing this response! That is too good.
    • Reply
  • AshleyR
    Master January 2021
    AshleyR ·
    • Flag
    My H and I kept our own last names, we made sure not to have any “Mr. & Mrs.” decorations or signage at the wedding, the DJ/officiant announced us with just first names, I didn’t change anything on social media, I use my name on return addresses for thank you/annual Christmas cards and I STILL get s**t in the mail addressed to “Mrs. Hislastname”. After some gentle reminding to my family they have mostly gotten the hint, but there is no hope for his family (they’re overall much older than mine) so I just roll my eyes and thrown the envelope in the trash with extra gusto and go about my business.
    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Super April 2021
    Alisha ·
    • Flag

    I would have a talk with both your families about it so they can understand that you and your future husband have discuss this issue. It is about how you and your future husband have come to term with it. If you are happy with it there should not be an issue. I am going to hyphenate by last name because I love my last name and my future husband is fine with it. We discuss this and he was fine with it.

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    Right after I got engaged, my FH joked to everyone that asked by telling them we were going to combine our names so that we both get a new one. Stephens (me) and Kumpf (him) and our new name would be Stumpf....they were "stumped" alright lol

    • Reply
  • Marlena
    Expert June 2020
    Marlena ·
    • Flag
    Mainly changing it on Facebook. Most of our friends know I'm keeping my last name.
    • Reply
  • Whitney
    Savvy May 2021
    Whitney ·
    • Flag

    I just got a birthday card from my future in-laws that was addressed to me with my maiden name, but with "(for now)" written after it. We've never talked about it with the in-laws but I'm not planning on changing my name. I live in the South where it's such a given that women change their names, but I'm not sure how to bring it up...

    • Reply
  • Whitney
    Savvy May 2021
    Whitney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Love that!

    • Reply
  • PrissiePants
    Dedicated May 2021
    PrissiePants ·
    • Flag

    I do not plan on changing my name. It has worked for me perfectly fine for 35 years, why change that?

    I know I will be called Mrs. from time to time and that doesn't bother me too much.

    He struggled at first when I told him I wasn't changing my name. But I reminded him his ex wife took his name and still has it. There doesn't need to be two of us. He quickly dropped it after that.

    • Reply
  • Akirah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Akirah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Lol...I love that! “There doesn’t need to be two of us.” That’s actually the situation I’m in; my FH’s ex still uses his name.
    • Reply

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