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April 2020

I'm my sisters maid of honor, what to do with my own husband???

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Lauren, on August 14, 2019 at 11:08 AM

I am very happy to be my sisters maid of honor. I have been doing A LOT of planning and my husband and I have spent thousands of our money to do her shower and bachelorette. My husband and I have been married for eight years and out of all the brides and grooms siblings I am the only one already married. My husband and I have a nice relationship with my sister and my future brother in law so I was a little surprised when they did not ask to have my husband be one of the groomsmen, especially since I am the maid of honor (she is not calling me a matron of honor). I was a little hurt by the fact they're not including my husband, their only sibling in law, in the wedding but my husband doesn't seem to care. A random uncle is walking our mother in to the ceremony, I thought they might ask my husband to do this as well but did not. My random uncle will take a quick seat after bringing my mother to her seat. The best man is the grooms father. I was just told that I will be walking into the ceremony alone and the best man will walk in alone after me. Is this weird? In addition, I was extremely upset to learn that when I walk into the reception to be announced as the maid of honor and brides sister I am expected to be walking in alone there as well. I cannot even bring my husband along side me when I walk into the reception. This seems like the biggest diss in the world to my husband and honestly I think my sister is just too dumb to realize. Im waiting to see the seating chart, maybe she will sit my husband at another table based on the way things are going...My husband asked what he is expected to do on the day of the wedding while I have my hair/makeup done, do the pictures and the groomsmen do their thing. I honestly almost cried when I told him that he should just stay home for the morning and show up at a normal time like any other guest and find a seat for the ceremony. Am I over reacting or should I say something to my sister? My husband would be mortified if he learned I said something to my sister but I think he is bummed as well. What to do?

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29 Comments

Super October 2020
Renee · on August 14, 2019 at 3:26 PM
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My sister is in the wedding and her husband isn't. I love my brother but he's not close to my future husband. He picked his wedding party, I picked mine. Its nothing personal. I did talk to my sister and I made sure her hubby wasn't offended but he didn't care.
So I have to agree, it seems you're overreacting. And how much you spent on their shower shouldn't be brought up. Money you chose to spend is up to you
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Super August 2018
Summer · on August 14, 2019 at 4:04 PM
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Sorry but it's her wedding, not yours. They might have a good relationship with your husband, but that doesn't mean he has to be in the wedding party. I've also never seen the maid of honor or best man come in to the ceremony escorted or as a pair - MOH usually focuses on the bride up until she walks down the aisle, making sure she is ready, fixing her train, etc, then goes down right before the bride and goes to stand with the other bridesmaids. I love my sister's husband but I didn't even think to ask him to escort her around during the formal proceedings, the best man did that when appropriate and she walked in by herself. I would hope she did not take that as a "snub". If you want your husband to be involved, see if there's anything he can help out with - my brother in law filmed our ceremony for us since we didn't hire a formal videographer. Right now, your sister is stressed and she needs understanding and helpfulness, not a big overreaction over something trivial. He can still wear a tux if you want and will be in your family pictures.
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Devoted October 2019
Annemarie · on August 14, 2019 at 4:21 PM
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Overreacting.

If everyone I am close to was in my wedding party, then there'd be no guests and I would have 20 bridesmaids. That's just silly. Not everyone gets to be in the wedding party, that's just the way it is.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on August 15, 2019 at 9:48 AM
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I think you're overreacting. Yes it would have been nice for your Husband to walk your mom in during the ceremony. Other than that though, your roles of MOH would not include having your husband around you. Its odd to me you're walking into the reception alone and not with the best man, but I don't think you should expect to walk in with your husband as you are part of the wedding party.

I would ask though why she is calling you Maid of Honor and not Matron....that's the oddest part to me.
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July 2020
Elizabeth · on January 15, 2020 at 1:14 AM
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I am from the south and have been to many weddings where the sibling's spouse is included. I would be upset if i were her also. I know it is her sister's wedding but manners and etiquette come first. Weddings are for the families. And they should be. In Charleston, they are a social event for the bride and grooms family and friends. Also, this day is very special to.her also. Why would her sister not want him in the party.. I think itnis tacky if the sister has a husband to walk in both places alone. I am used to close families and southern girls care about feelings. I would talk with her...and i see no reason why, even if he is not in the party, that you should walk alone whrn you are married. You go girl..i agree!!
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July 2020
Elizabeth · on January 15, 2020 at 1:17 AM
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I do want to clarify that most weddings i have gone to, the spouse was in the wedding. I am older, 44. I am sure things have changed.
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July 2020
Elizabeth · on January 15, 2020 at 1:21 AM
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Right? Families want to celebrate together.
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July 2020
Elizabeth · on January 15, 2020 at 1:29 AM
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The only issue here is whether or not her husband has been family with groom. My sister is getting married and has been with him for 10 years. I have been with my fiancee for 8..we will be married by her wedding. I think her feelings are correct if they get along and have spent a decade worth of holidays together. He may not just be her husband. This opinion will not be popular but most of these views are self centered and this is not just her day. Weddings today have lost the point of the wedding. But, i can say this, i am fairly rational in life. If my sister and her cuture hubby do not include my fiance, i will be offended. Will i act like it..no! But our situation is different because we live a mile apart and are very close. I think it depends on the relationship.
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Dedicated October 2019
KAREN · on January 15, 2020 at 3:55 PM
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You're overreacting.

The bridal party is for who you want to be there, not who you feel obligated should be there. In no way, shape or form does your husband need to be included (now, if they decided to take family pictures and not include him, then I could see being irritated).

As for the procession, every single wedding I've been to has been different. At my own wedding, our officiant kept changing her mind about it, so walking out of the hall no one knew what to do so two of my bridesmaids walked up together and the pictures of them arm in arm are so awesome. I've been in weddings where I walked alone (down and back and into the reception), some where I was with someone and some mixed. I would not be offended by this at all.
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