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I'm moh and the Bride Hasn't Been Communicative With Bridal Party

Keiko, on April 18, 2022 at 10:50 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 3

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Hi all,

I'm MOH for a friend's wedding and I'm starting to get frustrated with the lack of communication and support from the bride. There are 13 bridesmaids and most of us live out of state. So essentially this will be a destination wedding for the majority of the bridal party (which we all accepted when we were asked to be bridesmaids). However many of the bridesmaids have come up to me privately about the escalating costs of the wedding responsibilities, and the Bride hasn't properly communicated with the rest of the bridal party (hardly any zoom meetings throughout the year) and I have to personally prod her just to text one of them; which leaves them coming to me for answers. It doesn't help that I feel like I and the Bride have grown apart during this entire process. When I do mention to her that someone can't afford to do an activity, she brushes it off with a "well, either way, I'm going to have a great time," leaving it to me to brainstorm how to come up with alternatives for those bridesmaids during the wedding. I hardly know most of the women, so it feels intrusive to be talking to *her* friends about their private financial matters when that's something she should be doing since they are her friends, not mine.

Overall, how should I go about approaching this? Am I in the wrong in expecting the bride to be more communicative with her bridal party?

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3 Comments

Latest activity by Kristen, on April 19, 2022 at 1:27 PM

VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on April 18, 2022 at 6:25 PM
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I think you need to have a one-on-one chat to the bride and explain to her the gravity of things and just how anxious the bridal party are feeling and that she needs to be more transparent with them about the costs because they are coming to you and you don't want to overstep any boundaries.
I think if you put it to her from the point of view of "I don't want to make you angry by giving them the wrong answer" instead of "you need to be doing more" she will be more receptive to what you have to say.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on April 18, 2022 at 10:58 PM
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There’s a reason why people on the forum say that no one should be asked to be a bridesmaid before 6 months before the wedding. Also that all expenses must be made very transparent by the bride when bridesmaids are asked so they can decide at that time to accept the position or decline. If someone is unable to afford something, they need to approach the bride, not you. When it all comes down, there is nothing anyone needs to do as a bridesmaid beyond buy a dress of the bride’s choosing (going along with the 6 months before the wedding timeframe) and stand up at the ceremony to support her. Planning the wedding itself is the responsibility of the couple only. A bachelorette is optional and many don’t like the destination trips, and it often comes down to money. If the bride doesn’t care how her attends feel, it only makes her look bad.

What kind of communication from the bride are you looking for specifically? Is she not open to financial problems that bridesmaids have? Unfortunately some people have tunnel vision and don’t view anything of their own situation, and it doesn’t look good for them. There isn’t much you can say or do to a person like that to get them to empathize. If they need to, backing out of the bridesmaid position may be the step that need to be taken. Best of luck!
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Expert October 2021
Kristen · on April 19, 2022 at 1:27 PM
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The bride DOES have a responsibility to communicate with her bridesmaids, especially with so many and it being a destination wedding. You need to find a time to sit down and talk with her, preferably face to face. Tell her that you don't know most of the bridesmaids that well, so you're not comfortable relaying things on her behalf, and that she needs to step up her own communications. Maybe between the two of you, you can figure out a way to move forward. It's understandable that she's excited, but if she keeps focusing just on herself and how she feels about things, then one by one, bridesmaids are going to drop out, and then who will be at her side when the day comes? Best of luck with whatever happens.
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