If we're paying for everything else, do we need an open bar?

You're not responsible for alcohol for the whole weekend, but there should be an open bar at the wedding reception. No-one should pay for anything at an event that you're hosting.

You're not responsible for it, but you should have something for the wedding reception (even if it's just beer and wine). I would also specify to the hotel that since you're paying for the rooms, people should not be allowed to charge to the room throughout the weekend, they must pay out of pocket.

View Quoted Comment And by "anything" does that include hotel accommodations? Because the mere suggestion of it is offending people that had me pay $1,000 to come to their destination wedding, as if my asking for them to pay for drinks at the reception is worse than them asking me to pay for plane tickets and hotel rooms. Were they in the wrong to do that?

No they are really lucky that you both are paying for all of that. So paying for their own drinks I don't think it's too much too asked. And any other meals besides what you and your FH agreed to they should pay. You guys are beginning more than generous.

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You're not obligated to pay for your guests' accommodations - the fact that you are is incredibly generous. I personally think it's tacky when guests need to pay for their drinks at the reception, however, and unfortunately despite the fact that you're covering all these other expenses, sometimes people remember the small things that don't meet their expectation (that potentially being unexpectedly needing to pay for their drinks on the wedding night).

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. However guests are responsible for their own travel expenses (airfare, rental car, lodging). Can you cut the hotel expenses from your budget so you are covering beverages?

View Quoted Comment It's all part of a package so I really can't cut it. Doesn't it seem like it's better for me to save them the huge expense of travel and only ask them to pay the small expense of drinking? Wouldn't you, as a guest, prefer to pay less than have me stick to some etiquette?

View Quoted Comment Appreciate the input. Personally, as a guest, I'd rather not have to pay as much than to have my hosts stick to some "etiquette." It's the difference of paying like $700 for the room or maybe $200 for drinks. Seems simple to me, but I do know some people have their ideas about what is "right" and "wrong." I'm hoping since at least I wouldn't be making them use cash, it's easy enough that they won't mind.

View Quoted Comment Appreciate the input. I think a good host tries to take the most cost off you, the guest, as they can and we're choosing to only ask them to pay for alcohol (which might run them $200?) when we could ask them to pay for the room (which would be like $700 at least). Seems like the better deal to me.

View Quoted Comment Your welcome and what you are doing is very nice and if they know that they are responsible for their drinks then some may pull back. Once they are asked to attend your wedding automatically they say drinks and more drinks because it's on us they do show any restraint. Have a amazing wedding day

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I agree with this for the most part but a lot of people (sadly myself included sometime) in the moment, forget about the big picture. So for me, if I were paying for all my own drinks, I'd likely drink less and therefore want to stay at a reception less (i'm not a big dancer without alcohol in my system).

You are not responsible for paying for your guests hotel accommodations. I would choose to just eliminate that cost, and instead pay for the open bar.

I always assume that I'm paying for alcoholic beverages. I've never been to an event that had an open bar. Most people in my circles have the belief that you must provide beverages to guests. As long as there is nonalcoholic beverages no one is going to bat an eye. I know many circles are not like that though. I especially would not bat an eye at paying for drinks if I didn't have to pay for my hotel. You know your circle. Maybe ask a few of guests their thoughts.

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This is a good idea!

View Quoted Comment What exactly is everything included that you are unable to cut to accommodate this?


As a guest, I would rather pay my own lodging costs and have have food/beverages covered by the hosts. Our social circles are the same way wanting that as well.

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You're asking here, though, on the etiquette board. People are just talking about etiquette, and suggesting alternatives.

It’s nice that you’re helping those 2 guests, but I have to say that the rest of your guests will probably remember that they had to pay for drinks at your wedding reception. Maybe it depends on your circles, but in mine the thinking is that guests should only have to show up at a wedding and not need to pull out their wallets while at the event. You may need to pay your way there, but once at the wedding, you won’t need to pay for anything. That thing a PP said above about guests remembering the littlest inconveniences? Totally true. My family and I still can’t forget 5 years later that at my cousins wedding, we were so annoyed about not getting to try any of the passed hors d’oeuvres because people would swarm the waiters before we could get any. And also that they didn’t announce the cake cutting, so we didn’t get to see my cousin do it.

View Quoted Comment Just because you are voluntarily paying for extra fees that you don’t need to pay for, doesn’t mean it makes up for you not paying for the things you should be paying for. That would be like purchasing your child an expensive item they didn’t ask for, then when their birthday rolls around telling them you don’t feel like you need to give them any presents because you already got them that one thing they didn’t ask for.

Guests should pay for nothing. If you don’t want to provide an open bar, then I would have a dry wedding.

There is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. If you choose not to offer alcohol, then circulate that information clearly with your guests beforehand and make sure those that want to drink know that they can choose to pay for drinks at the bar. As a guest, I would still think you are being a generous host.