I want to bow out of being a bridesmaid… but can I?

It seems like your friendship is based on a foundation of mistreatment, and no relationship should be about that. It's apparent that you both don't particularly truly care about the other and it seems as though you're only being bridesmaids for one another out of ceremony rather than genuine friendship. Kudos for making it this long with her as a "friend". If you do back out, it would likely end your friendship based on how you described her.

Sounds like a lot of sacrifice on your part, but maybe if the friendship were better you'd feel less slighted about these kinds of things. Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

But this is the GREATEST HONOR someone can bestow upon you!

((sorry))

Sounds like you are not the greatest of friends already. You haven't let go of the resentment from your own wedding (not saying you should) and have a long list of cons.

@Nonna T once again makes my day with her comments

Tell her that maybe being a bridesmaid is too much for you, but that you'd love to attend the wedding as a guest. Less time commitment and shouldn't end your friendship

Not what you want to hear, but personally I would stand by my word and be in her wedding if I were you. You keep taking about how she is a shitty friend but backing out of someone's wedding 6 weeks before is really really shitty. Can you imagine how you would feel if a lifelong friend did that to you and their reason was I can't be away from my hubby? I would for sure end the friendship if I were her.

Uhm. Why did you say yes to begin with? But if you back out it'll end the friendship because she sounds like a drama queen. But ending this "friendship" might not be a bad thing. Because for you to come on the internet and complain about her, neither of you are really friends to each other

I have a similar friendship, and have been friends with this person for over 20 years. It has always skewed one sided, where i put in most of the work. It took me about 15 years to get it, which makes me feel really stupid sometimes and sad, but i guess i just really wanted this friendship to work. As i grew older i realized that none of my other friends treated me like this, and maybe it wasn't a friendship i needed anymore. However, 20 years means we have a lot of baggage, including inextricable mutual friends group. Ending the friendship is VERY stressful for me, so i had chosen to just back off. She lived on the other side of the country, so i just stopped being available for phone calls, etc, all of the time. She moved home in June. She assumed things would revert back to the friendship of our childhood, and i have set up very explicit boundaries with her, and it seems to be working out. She has found a new person to fill in my spot, and we just sort of coexist in a superficial friendly way. She also made my 30th Birthday/Bachelorette party 100% about her, which honestly was fine, because i was uncomfortable being the center of attention. When i told her i was getting married, the first thing she said was "am i a bridesmaid?" and thats when i made the decision to have no wedding party, and i have no regrets about this. Perhaps i have been cowardly, or "fake", or passive aggressive, but i would much rather let a friendship fade away than have an explosive fight. I would just be in her wedding, find a positive (maybe you can spend time with other friends you don't see often) and then just stop investing any time in her.

From experience, I backed out of being in my cousins wedding, she understood my reasons and she and I are still close as ever. It may be all about what your reasons are and how you deliver the news.

Best of luck!!

If you were going to bow out due to logistical reasons, you should have never accepted in the first place. If finances have recently become an issue preventing you from seeing your husband for a month, I'd discuss openly with the bride and see if other costs can be cut or she is willing to subsidize to keep you involved. You have already made the commitment to be involved.