I want to bow out of being a bridesmaid… but can I?

Its up to you but you should know it will probably be a friendship ending move.

It would potentially end the friendship. But yes you could bow out. But why do you want to? Unless it's putting extra stress on you or the date doesn't work with you, I don't think that's the case here though

If you want to back out, back out and understand that it may ruin your (terrible sounding) friendship. Time is no reason to suffer through that. Also maybe consider how it might effect your parents? If it would hurt their friendship, maybe suffer through it? As we've seen on here, all you need to do is show up sober-ish in a dress of her choice. Good luck!

I'm stuck on the fact you both asked each other to be bridesmaids even though you don't seem to like each other at all.

If you back out of being in her wedding, it probably will end your friendship with her.. but I think you should be out of that friendship anyways, she sounds like a toxic person to be around.

Sounds like you really don't care for this person so start making decisions that are true to self and just end the friendship. But be real and tell her what's up.

@MrsWrs She became a very "emotional drunk" and began crying about how her (now) fiance hadnt proposed to her and that she always thought she would be first and she didn't understand how I was instead. She then began verbally attacking my other bridesmaids about their lives. She got to the point to where she couldn't even walk and I spent the rest of the night taking care of her since she would yell at anyone else who tried to.

@Nicole2017 I agree. I am stuck on that fact too. I think its more about our parents at this point than us. They are still best friends. I initially asked her because of that and then sparked some hope that it would sort of revitalize our friendship. Instead it just made me see that it was a dead end and that it has been for a while.

The friendship seems over anyway, so I'd have no problem bowing out! She does NOT seem like a good friend (or a friend at all actually)

Yup. Agree. Also would not be away from H for an entire month just to be in this wedding. That's crazy. Sounds like a good enough excuse to me!

@Harley - Did I see correctly that her wedding is Dec 1st? This year? Have you already purchased your dress for her wedding? And because of the cost of flights, you would stay with your folks the entire month of December, and not with your new husband? That's a LOT to ask of you. For a friendship that needs lifesupport.

But if you're going to back out, for her sake, please do it soon. Her wedding is 6 weeks away. And I'd do it with a phone call, not a text or email. You just never know if those have been received.

You don't need to go into all the friendship reasons. The financial one is enough. And the month away from your own husband. She may get all huffy on the phone with you. She may be angry. Let her vent, but don't give it back to her. Stay above all that. Best of luck to you!

While it sounds like you'd be right that your friendship is kinda over, backing out of someone's wedding 6 weeks beforehand seems pretty harsh? I dunno, if it were me, I would probably suck it up and do it and then the friendship would prob fizzle out afterwards anyway.

Sounds like an awful friendship. Why the hell did you accept in the first place? I would tell her that financially it's not plausible, and just not attend. Clearly you don't like her. Don't be in her wedding.

If you do back out, do it soon. This is a horrible time to realize you are out of funds. Idk about you but I evaluate my financial situation and set aside money when I'm asked to be in a BP so I can afford travel, parties, and the dress. It's kind of crazy your are just realizing this now.

Also, know this is a friendship ending move. If you do this, it's a really shitty move on your part. It really sucks you didn't think about the travel, time, and money when you were originally asked. I guess you seem to dislike her a lot as a friend anyway, so it's not like you care if the friendship is over.

@Harley your friend sounds very similar to mine.. So I definitely sympathize. I agree with everyone commenting, if you back out I believe the friendship would crumble. But at this point do you really want to continue a friendship that is so toxic?

Also I have the same questions as Ruffian, did you already purchase the dress? And is her wedding of this year? I feel like it would be pretty heartbreaking if someone's friend/bridesmaid backed out weeks before the wedding (even if she is a terrible friend). If you feel like you must do it, do it now instead of waiting. But brace yourself for her response.

edit: If you feel like you don't want this to hurt your friendship maybe mention that you would be away from your husband for a month? Best of luck!

If you don't want to be a bridesmaid, then it's your choice. However, she sounds horrible. This day is about her and it seems like she ALWAYS makes things about her AND makes a scene about it. This will most likely end the friendship, but it seems you don't want to be in this friendship anyways. Plus, who would want to be away from their hubby that long? You have to ask yourself if it's really worth it. She will also treat you the same at the wedding and not even give it a second thought that you are giving up so much to be there for her. Plus, all the craziness she may have planned to put you through as well just might make you sick and end the friendship in the end, and you had been away from your husband for so long to go through that. I say bow out. Don't go to her accusingly, but still out of love and regret that you can't do it. If she was someone who was there for you no matter what and always thought about your feelings, genuinely caring about you, then we would be having a different conversation. If you do it, do it now, before it gets too close to the wedding. I hope this helps. Good luck.

This is a tricky one. It is very late for you to back out but if you feel like you need to do it for your own mental health and/or finances then I guess it's time to put yourself first.

That's a friendship ender for sure. Are you prepared for that?

From what I hear, most people loose the friend. However, your husband should be number one.

I would like to know what happened today or yesterday that's making you realize all of this. Because the way you've presented this information makes me feel like you've known this for a very long time, at least since your wedding, which based on your avatar was in June.

Assuming there isn't anything, I would highly recommend sucking it up and being her bridesmaid. You agreed to it. Nobody forced you. You knew what you were getting into. Christmas was always happening in December. Your friend's personality has always been the same. Backing out now makes you by far the worse person. Do you have mutual friends? I'd expect to lose them, too, in addition to your relationship with the bride.

Backing out for cause is one thing. Doing it six weeks out is petty and attention grabby.