I want a small wedding but fiance wants it big

Your Dad is guilting you.

Your FI sounds young, to be willing to spend all this money to one-up his friends. Yikes. That is the wrong reason to have a big wedding.

Your Mom is domineering

What do YOU want?

Who is paying?

Edited to add second question.

First, I would be pretty upset if that was my dad. But I can get it. My dad will probably talk to all of two people. Just remember, it is a day for you and your hubby-to-be. Everyone else is second, so their opinion has very little weight.

And I agree with a bunch of the other folks. Sit down and talk budget. Who knows, maybe he will see the $$$ rack up and change his mind.

I also want to say that my sister and her husband faced a similar situation with the lop sided guest list. His family all lives abroad and no one was able to come. But, as a couple they put a lot of emphasis on inviting friends and the planner used the layout to make sure everyone mingled and it didn't end up feeling lop sided. I don't know if that is at all helpful, but you definately are not alone!

Ok, you need to sit down with your FH and explain that weddings aren't a completion or something to be "topped". I would recommend counseling. A compromise NEEDS to be found. It's your wedding too and you deserve to feel comfortable at your own wedding.

I agree with some other posters that you have two bigger issues on your hands: Dad is being selfish and frankly, so is your fiance. His motivation for a big wedding is to "top all his friends" - BIG RED FLAG. Motivation s/b to celebrate your union! Tell him to start planning - once he finds out how much venues are for 200 people vs. forty people, he may change his tune. And tell dad to suck it up; this is not Neighborhood Night Out where he needs to give a speech, it is YOUR WEDDING.

Or: small wedding with ten or so people, everyone else shows up later for the reception.

In my opinion you need to make sure your happy it's your big day. Also you need to make sure your FH is happy it's his day also. I say maybe meet in the middle. Good luck!

Have your FH tabulate the cost per person of the wedding he wants. My FH kept suggesting expensive venues that were well above our price point. When I started having him tell me the cost of this and that, he started to realize we couldn't have a huge wedding celebration.

My friend had a small wedding at a local chapel on a Sunday after services. It was a total of 13 guests - just her small family and the immediate family of her fiancé. It was elegant and casual and after the ceremony, they had catered cake, appetizers, champagne at the home of her dad. The dining room was set up and decorated. It was short, sweet and lovely. Three months later, they had the big party and though some of her family could not be there (they lived far away and didn't like American weddings) they still had a nice time. I think you FH deserves a big wedding, but 200 guests is just ridiculous. Trim it down to 100 and you both could get what you want. Have the ceremony for dad, and the party for FH and you'll both be happy. Having a big wedding means nothing without a happy bride.

When he realizes how much it costs - I think he'll change his tune

Does your FH know how much his friends' weddings cost? I think when he realizes that each person he adds to the guest list increases costs by approx. $100 (depending on location), he will realize he's being ridiculous.

Tell your dad he does not have to make a speech and that if he walks you down the aisle, everyone will be looking at you -- not him.

View Quoted Comment That's where I'm starting to head for. My fiancé and I already booked the buck hotel for ceremony and venue. But right now I'm like keep the buck for the big reception and go to jp with close family