I want a small wedding but fiance wants it big

Start with what can you afford first. Start a rough guest list and budget and go look at venues. You or he might end up changing you mind based on what you find.

What about a compromise? Intimate wedding with closest friends/family.. say 30 people or so? I also wanted to elope but FH wants the big wedding, so we are having the big wedding. You both need to sit down and have an honest conversation about it.. we can't make the decision for you

I'm going through the same experience! I'm totally confused. So I'm just giving my FH what he wants. I know we will have a great time. Wether it's just him and I or a lot of people.

What if you have a small ceremony, and a big reception?

Keep it small and simple..,you'll be glad you did.

We went through a similar situation at first. I wanted a smaller wedding bc I'm not comfortable with a lot of attention on me. Ours kind of just organically grew to be bigger than I wanted but I'm okay with it now. I just try not to think about all the people looking at me. Lol. We are compromising too though by having a larger but non church wedding. But seriously I know this is hard but seems like a serious conversation and some kind of compromise is in order. Once we started pricing stuff out FH started to realize what we could realistically afford and I've slowly been getting him to agree to less and less.

4 people versus 200 seems extremely lopsided. It also mot not fair for you to be uncomfortable the entire time. Set a budget (WW had a great one), start looking at venues and decide if the guest list needs to be re-evaluated. Looking at venues and how much things will cost is a reality check.

I'd be pissed at dad. Is there any guarantee he would've done anything if it was a small wedding? And do you only want a small wedding because of your dad or is this truly what you want?

There has to be some sort of compromise here. What is the maximum amount of people you would be comfortable to have in attendance? Find a middle ground, if at all possible. If not possible then there might be a bit more concern there. Also, you need to ensure you can afford all the guests if you decide to do a bigger guest list.

The dad thing would be infuriating for me. You're his daughter and this is your wedding. His attitude is baffling.

I would make a mock guest list and look at venues in your area or just start from the beginning about what you just stated and talk to your FH. Weddings are not about topping each other. unfortunately some people see it as that though. It comes down to what you both want but sometimes you have to rearrange some expectations.

What's your budget?

He wants to top all his friends' weddings? That would be a red flag to me, right there. This is supposed to be a start to your marriage (which means your feelings need to be taken into account), not a performance to impress all his friends.

At the same time, you need to think about what you want, not about what your parents want. Refusing to show up unless they have the wedding they want is outrageous. If you get started on backing down every time they throw a fit, it will never end.

Honestly, I would suggest counseling. Neither of you sounds like you are ready to get married.

I think your dad is being really selfish. And, to be honest, I think your fiance is being really selfish too, wanting to use his wedding to "top" his friends. What if the next friend to get married a month later has 300 people and tops him, and then all your discomfort is for nothing? I'd be really disappointed with both these men if they were in my life.

At any rate, look realistically at what you can afford. Feeding and watering 200 (and four) people is not cheap, nor is renting, furnishing and decorating a venue to hold them. Maybe set a budget first, and then see what you can host on that budget.

If your fiancé wants the big wedding, he needs to plan it. He may change his tune.

I think you and he need to start negotiating and coming to an agreement that works for both of you.

And also consider what you can afford. 200+ guest weddings will cost you a fortune if properly hosted. Depending on your budget, a smaller guest list may work better and could be a good point for your side!

I'm really sorry about your dad, that's tough. Is there anyone that could talk to him and help him feel more comfortable?

Have you guys considered a destination wedding? That way, you could still have your nearest and dearest there, and your fiance could invite family and friends. There would likely be less who decide to come, but he may still be happy since the idea of getting on a plane and going somewhere exotic seems big and exciting.

The idea that he's trying to top anyone else seems a bit fishy. He should be focusing more on your marriage and celebrating that, and that celebration should reflect who you both are.

Well, let me tell you, FH wanted a big wedding too, then he got a taste of what wedding services really did cost. He still wants the big wedding, but guess whose been doing all the budgeting and work? ME. I wanted to elope to Vegas from the beginning. We're going to Vegas on our first year anniversary and getting married by Elvis again, with no one but us. So we get to have our cake and eat it too.

Maybe meet in the middle. I have had horrible issues with my parents thru my wedding process as well, take it as it comes. Your dad sounds like he's being a jerk, let that be his loss. I have to remind myself daily this is supposed to be a happy time, so just keep that in mind. Hang in there girl

My fiancé wanted to elope and I couldn't imagine getting married without my mom, his mom and my besties, so we are doing a destination wedding with 18 guests.

It sounds to me like either your dad may have social anxiety or he is being a butthead. I think you really need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart and figure it out. Regardless of the reason, then I think that you need to come to a compromise and tell him how much his being there and doing the normal "father-daughter things" mean to you, but in a positive way, not in a "guilty" way, if that makes sense. If it is the former, then maybe there are things that you can do, that would make it easier for him to be able to do these things.

However, your FH on the other hand, sounds like he needs a real "come to Jesus talk" A wedding should NEVER be a one-upmanship, and the fact that he is only focusing on that, rather than what you want, is throwing up some HUGE red flags. You need to sit down and REALLY talk about what you both want, and come to a compromise. If you cannot do this now, regarding your wedding, which is only the begging of your marriage, then you will never be able to do it with the other important things in your marriage.

eta: words