I ruined his bachelor party! :S

So you don't want him to go to strip clubs because you don't trust him?

If you had a mutual agreement about strippers, it would be disrespectful for him or his buddies to disregard that. They can 'let loose' and have plenty of fun without naked women running around.

My hubby and his guys had a bunch of microbrews and a Guitar Hero tournament. Another friend went whitewater rafting for his, another did a beer tasting tour in the city, another went all out and rented a special box at the ball game...the idea is that the guys get to have some no-girls-allowed time, not that they get to have 'ooh, naked women I can't have and shouldn't care about anyway' time.

Strip clubs.. I HATE that subject. All of our friends been getting married so there been lots of bachelor parties lately.. The full on Vegas, strippers, strip clubs. My fiancé only went to one. I trust him and I know he just wants to go hang out with his friends. but to tell you the truth its crawls under my skin! Lol. But I don't stop him from going. This weekend was one of his other friends and the only way I found out was because I got invited to the girls night out from the wives/fiances of his friends. He made his own choice of not going. It surprised me! So, now I know his BP is gonna be crazy! uGhhhhh.. Lol. oh well..

Well I don't mind ruining the fun when it comes to strippers. Sorry but bachelor party or not, there will be no strip chicks around my guy. He had plenty of fun at his cousins house, drinking and partying, now there were females there but I know all of them because they are relatives. He didn't complain not one time and he managed to have so much 'fun' that he didn't know where the car was the next morning, lol.

Ms. A: It may be the trust issue (he knows we're still working up to gaining it back), but I was more upset at the blatant disregard for our mutual understanding.

Ryan: Exactly! That's the way I saw it. Thank you for understanding. Honestly, I don't even really see why the had to go anyway, as they already have so many plans for the weekend--golfing, whiskey tour, brewery tour, and gun range, for starters.

Felicia: My FI has been to strip clubs in the past, and although I never liked it, I kept my mouth shut. Like I've said above, however, we had an agreement that it wouldn't happen, so I felt the need to pipe up. I'm wondering if he would have said anything to the guys about it if I hadn't 'ruined' it. Hmm. I'll be asking him when he gets home, that's for sure.

Lady: I'm glad I'm not the only one who isn't *pro* strippers. Nothing against them, but I know how guys can get. It's actually kind of cute how FI has been keeping me updated on what they're doing, though.. he now wants to take me to the gun range, as he had so much fun, and he wants to share the experience with me.

I'm against it too. 1. I have trust issues w/FH, 2. it's never been one of those things I think is needed. They say it's having your last fling or last night single. Uh excuse me, you stopped being single the day you put a ring on my finger. If you need one last fling, you're not ready to get married. FH agrees. matter of fact since he's a gamer, he says he'd rather veg out w/drinks & xbox with his dudes.

I already know we're gonna have a problem tho. His BM, GM, & FIL all gawked when I said no strip clubs/tit bars. BM even said, oh no it's gonna happen, & laughed. I said really, since when did you become Andrew's fiance?

I've told FH he better have serious talks w them, not only will it piss me off, it'll hurt me if I'm betrayed like that. I get if they surprise him, he wont know, & I trust he'd make the right choice. But if his friends are f*cked up enough to put him in that position & they're willing to put his marriage to me at risk, I say they arent friends at all

That's how my FH's BM is. He said what I don't know won't hurt me. Well, trust me, I will know. I also informed FH that is he goes to a stripe club for his party that there won't be a wedding the following week. YEP that's right, this girl 100% completely disapproves of stripe clubs and WILL cancel the wedding if he even steps foot in one.

I guess I'm alone here, its LOOK don't touch. Really that is what strippers are about, what is to not trust? They are gonna parade around in lingerie, or nothing, but there's nothing really physical -there's no sex involved. Now if we are talking hookers, YEAH that is a definite NO. Hookers are a completely different animal, sex with strangers can equal disease. In real life we ALL notice attractive people whether they are male or female, are they not to even notice anyone other than you ever?

Cori: same thing, I made no bones about saying: Honey I love you, I trust you'll do the right thing. But drunk or not, no excuses, you know how I feel, & if you want to risk one night of fun, I wont be walking down the aisle. When it comes time for the actual party, that's what I'll hell his buds too. If they're stupid enough to risk him losing me forever, they arent friends IMO.

I know some people would think that's a threat, but I think of it this way: we've been together long enough for him to know the breaking points in this relationship. If strip clubs are unacceptable everyday basis, a party is no exception. Point blank

Meta: while I agree that we all see attractive people everyday, we look yes, sometimes we stare. But that doesnt compare to strip clubs. They dress in little/no clothes. Do you see half naked men/women walking around on the streets in lingerie?

Plus, it's a strip club, think of what they do behind doors. I wont speak for others, but I've heard 3rd person what happens in the special rooms, lap dances. Have some half naked woman rub up on my FH while he gets a boner? I dont think so. This is going to be very blunt, the only direction his penis should be pointing is towards me, not at some stripper humping him

My FH doesnt want to go to a strip club but I would be totally okay with it because I know I can trust him completely. This may not be my place.... buy why are you marrying someone you feel you can't trust?

I'm with Meta, strip clubs dont bother me. In fact, FH was contemplating taking his friend to one for his bday a few months ago but he thought I would say no. when I told him it didnt bother me, he actually decided not to go on his own and felt good that I trusted him.

My only rules are that it be for an occasion (I think going for no reason or going often isn't a good sign) and that he doesnt touch anyone and that nobody touches him.

I would go see a male revue, I dont see the difference.

As for the OP, if you had terms that you agreed on and he violated them, you shouldnt feel bad at all for "ruining" his fun.

I cant speak for OP, but for me it's not that I dont trust him, it's that issues from the past cause those fear to surface. I do trust he'd make the right decision, but the fear is there...

Actually, I have seen women in public wearing nothing more than their bra and panties (it was at the beach, but it did happen) and I know it was their underwear cause I own the exact same set but in a different color, and the girls I see walking home from the high school leave very little to the imagination.

I understand that when there have been issues in the past, it's difficult to allow them the opportunity to do the right thing on their own. But, ultimatums and threats only lead to dishonesty and guilt. I have been to strip clubs, both maile and female, and the show by itself is nothing to be worried about, the lap dances are not required and that is where he should be given the chance to draw the line and say no, because then it becomes physical.

I'm between Meta and everyone else. While I don't like the practice of strip clubs and wouldn't want FH to go to one, the idea doesn't bother me too much. If he were to go, the look don't touch aspect of a strip club makes me feel a little more comfy.

I mean, it's not that much worse than the internet except that it's physical people in front of you.

Additionally, I feel like burlesque shows are totally fine while a strip club seems seedier and scarier to me. I have to admit, my feels are mixed on this subject.

My FH is not going to a strip club, but I think if he were to go I would feel ok because he would only be able to go to really awful ones where we are getting married! I always imagine the women in strip clubs really aren't as attractive as they are on TV or movies.

I'm with the majority here, I hate the idea of FH going to a strip club. Lucky for me he doesn't want to go to one

It's not so much him SEEING the women (well known that every guy looks at porn..) its said woman grinding up against him and purposely putting herself right in his face. I wouldn't be OK with that happening on a regular day so why would I be OK with it for a bachelor party? No difference to me.

Boy I guess I'm really in the minority here, because I really don't care what if anything my guy does as long as he doesn't sleep with anyone else. I know that on the 27th of October we will be walking down that aisle with one another and that is all that matters to me. I know that I am the one that he loves. And if he wants to go out and have some fun with the guys then go, have your fun. I'm not worried about it. I know he will come back to me and tell me all about it. I trust him 100%.

I guess to each their own. Some of us are ok with it/not bothered, some of us see it as a breach of relationship boundaries. I'm not a christian, but I was raised in christian household, so regardless of my pagan faith, I still hold some conservative standards. I do remember the bible talks about not placing yourself into temptation. That doesnt say I think FH is gonna cheat the moment he sees a naked dancing stripper. But its the same concept of alcoholics, just because they've made an oath to stay sober, are you going to let them go to Bevmos or hang out at a bar?

That's my little point I guess. Tho honestly, sometimes I wish I could be like some of you, be ok with it. Easier said than done when fear gets in the way

PS. Sorry OP, I kinda overtook your thread lol. Back to your points

Totally ok for you to "ruin" his bach party! I completely bombarded the meeting his groomsmen were having a few weeks ago and I had to be really blunt to them about the fact that fh and I BOTH have decided on no strippers. FBIL put up a good fight, but in the end he needs to respect me as his brothers future wife.

Now I'm kind of concerned for fh though because his brother has something up his sleeve that is sure to embarrass/make him throw upall night/not want to wake up the next morning. Fun brotherly things. Kind of expecting to find him on a hotel roof in vegas :p