i really want my sister to be my bridesmaid but she won’t talk to me...

I would work under the assumption that sister will not participate. As hard as that is, it’s the current reality until she decides to contact you again. Hopefully you can mend the relationship.

When is your wedding? You shouldn’t ask anyone to be a bridesmaid before 6-7 months before the wedding. Aside from ordering a dress, they really don’t have anything to do before then. Relationships change if you ask too early, and this is a perfect example.

You don’t have to ask anyone in a certain order and you don’t have to have a certain number of bridesmaids so I wouldn’t “replace her” if she says no. Keep in mind that she’s 16. 16 year olds don’t want to listen to anyone tell them what they should or shouldn’t do, but they definitely don’t want to hear it from a sibling. I’m not saying posting drinking pictures is great, but most of my friends drank in high school and there were plenty of pictures- we just didn’t have social media the way kids do now. I’d give her some time. Maybe you could write her a letter or find a weekend to drive to your dads and try to talk to her.

I'm so sorry. I also have many younger sisters, and we have had similar fights before. I think teenagers can't see that when you bring up a concern about their conduct, you're not trying to rat them out or control them, you are trying to protect them. Luckily my sisters never cut me out for long, probably because my parents got involved, but it still hurt.

I think your sister is really taking this to an extreme and being overdramatic. I think she will regret it. I think your dad should talk to her. But at the end of the day, you can't force any of them to come around. I would send her a card asking her to be your bridesmaid and then ask the other girls. She might see the other girls accept and finally feel the weight of the way she is acting. If you want, you could try to write her a longer letter expressing how much you would like to reconcile with her. Let her know how much you are hurting.

I think eventually she will come around, but don't let her stop your wedding planning in its tracks.

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Agree with this. The risks of drinking at 16 without supervision are pretty serious--at my HS, we had disabling injuries, arrests, revoked college acceptances, kicked off of the football team, etc. But very few 16 year olds are thinking about any of that. I don't know how OP expressed her concerns but I think her sister probably wouldn't have responded well to any criticism of drinking.

Your wedding is a long way in the future (which probably seems like a lifetime to a 16-year-old!), so there's no reason at all to make any decisions about this now. Continue trying to reach out to your sister because you love her, but don't make it be wedding-related.

Also move forward with your wedding planning, but it's a little early to be asking your other bridesmaids yet, too. Definitely don't "replace" her (your sister is not replaceable) or make any final decisions about whether to include her until next year.

I would go ahead and ask your other bridesmaids. Unfortunately your sister will have to come around on her own.
If she has regrets that will be her cross to bear and you can't protect her from that.

I literally just got out of this EXACT same situation. Honestly, I just had to continue with what I was planning and you can only do so much. She’s young and immature and it’s not on you if SHE decides to ignore you. All you can do it try and eventually they will come around. As long as you’re putting in the effort, it won’t be on you if they decide to keep ignoring you. I definitely lost a lot of sleep over it and eventually she reached out and it’s slowly getting back to normal. I’m supposed to go dress shopping in a few months and hopefully by then we’ll be back to normal but I’m not gonna waste my stress over it if it doesn’t. I’ve done my part to reach out and try to talk and stuff. You can’t control what other people do. Good luck to you! Hopefully she will come around!

A while back when I literally forgot long mae plans with my baby sister, sill home at 15 and going through an " everyone moved out and forgot me" funk, prompting me to invite her to my first post college appt. and then forget to pick her up...ticking off my usual greatest supporters, who suffered her 15 year old martyrdom, I got concert tickets she would not say no to, and sent them Federal Express Ground, signature required.

Thank you all!! It’s been a few weeks since I posted this and I’ve since had a chance to go home and visit with my sister. She was super excited to be included in the wedding and it definitely helped to chat in person!!

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Your sister is being a brat. Being a teen is hard, and she will come around eventually, but that doesn't make it any easier on you right now. I straight up didn't talk to my best friend for nearly a year when I was around that age because I completely overreacted to something she was trying to do to protect me. I'm glad you were able to see your sister and speak with her and that she's excited to be in your wedding!