I promise to never be THIS bride and bridesmaid!!!

Unacceptable. I had 1 BM who got mad because I picked out $50 shoes. The only think I required of them was that they buy a dress and shoes. But $300 is way over board on top of everything else.

Wow....people never cease to amaze me.

Oh, hell no.

1) The MIL says to "step up"? WTF does that mean?

2) 300 a piece for a formal shower without you agreeing to it? Umm… no.

3) You lose a deposit?

How close are you to this friend?

Mrs Mikec the worst part is that that they're mad at us for not wanting her to have the best shower possible? The bride herself isnt well off so I didnt understand the need for the fake richness display?

Kim, so true!

Erica, exactly!! ..The MIL actually sent a page long email about how this is the brides only time being a bride and that we need to step up. I replied simply saying, I will try and help but also that let her know how I was asked to book a bachelorette package at a local nightclub and lost that deposit of $100. We had no idea that things had changed. She never said "we're doing this, were getting this"... all she did was "Ok so Fills wanted to have it at this place by the river and to hire it costed xxx and the chair covers were xxx and the..... So for each of us its $300...let me know if you cant afford to pay it all this month."

She is a close friend, but after this wedding, wont be.

My shower wasn't expensive and it was AMAZING to me. Also, I didn't force my bridal party to throw it - my cousins threw it. As for my bachelorette tea, my sister arranged it (she wanted to) and everyone who went paid for the cost of their tea set-up, which was $35. I think my sister maybe paid the tip, but she didn't insist anyone help her.

Honestly, I'd stick to my guns - you are also getting married! She should not assume you can afford all of that. Payments? WTF is that all about?

Is she one of your bridesmaids?

@Erica And im sure your shower was amazing right?

I know right, payments - akward! WTF.

And exactly - I have a wedding too. No thank heavens shes not a bridesmaid for mine! I decided long ago that I only wanted 3 bridesmaids and that was my sister, my future (Sweet) S-I-L and my best friend.

Who plans a shower and then gives out their bank information? People have nerve!! There is no way I would pay $300 for a shower I didn't plan nor was I consulted on. MrsBtobe, I would graciously bow out now.

I agree, I would drop out now. That is crazy to expect people to fork over $300 on top of everything else so the bride can have a shower fit for a princess. What kind of wedding is she having? It will look rediculous if she has a fancy smancy shower and a no frills wedding. If it was me I would send those people a bill for your $100 too.

Hmm. If you want to still go through this circus, I suggest that you deduct the $100, leaving $200 - the deduction is fair. And then stretch it out and pay $20 a month - beginning after your wedding. Remind the MIL that you're getting married and you don't have extra money to spend on things that suddenly came up or changed.

OMG. Everything about this is ridiculous. It sounds like a mini wedding!

I was in a similar situation for my BFF's wedding. I was the MOH but her FSIL took over EVERYTHING. It pissed me off soo bad & when she asked me to help her pay (and that was it) I said no way, Jose!

If the bride wants to get mad at you for refusing to pay THAT MUCH for a party, thats her loss. FSIL & FMIL who are so worried about it can pay!

Ugh. My shower was held in a Catholic Church community room. Free. There weren't chair covers or cocktails. We had salads and lemonade made by my MIL's sister in law and the day was fabulous. A shower is not a requirement, it should be planned by someone other than the bride unless the bride is paying for everything herself. It's about family, friends and celebrating a marriage, not about how fancy you can be. I would consider stepping down if you aren't able to have an honest conversation with the bride about the financial strain it is putting on you.

Bunnylove - everyone i know/told is telling me to bow out (after theyve picked up their mouths from the floor). I guess Im typically trying to be the better person. BUT I will only pay what I can afford now and not the whole amount in installments.

Susan - You hit the nail on the head. The shower is going to be so fancy, yet the wedding is pretty simple.

Erica I have a good mind to do exactly that, but wont pay the full amount.

Whatever happened to asking what we could each do for the shower?!

Alysadanielle - thats exactly what I said (over text) to the the S-i-l who said "I cant pay for all this on my own" - i said that overlays and chair tie backs and chair covers or even a photographer are a bit too much as this is all like a mini wedding. I asked, if we could cut down on this and she didnt reply, only said "Ok so will you pay in installments" MY FH is still shocked.

@lovebean - I too always thought that that was what a shower is about. And that I shouldnt demand things as a bride. I do know that her and my friendship is practically over after this. Shes treated me and the other bridesmaid like crap since we declined paying the $300. So much for never letting money get in the way of friendship.

Wait...she's treating you like crap just because you can't afford something you had no say in, and you haven't flipped her off yet? Don't give them a penny, run, run fast!

OMG!! That is crazy! I was my sister's MOH and threw her shower and I felt soooo guilty asking the other bridesmaids for $20 to help cover some of the cost. I can't imagine ever asking someone to spend $300! That just isn't okay! She's going to find herself with no friends after her wedding.

OMGGG!!! I am astounded that people actually act like this! If the in-laws wanted her to have this amazing expensive shower, then they should have foot the bill.

And for the record, I would be FURIOUS if ANYONE sent a message on my behalf to my close friends siblings telling them they need to "step-up". Are you freakin kidding me? I would have replied to that message saying that they needed to "step-up" as in laws and foot the bill themselves. HELLLL NO.

And if I am understanding correctly, the bride is now not speaking to you? If that's the case, then I would drop out. That's petty, rude and inconsiderate. Being a bride is a special time, however that does not entitle you to fancy anything at anyone's expense and anything that is thrown or given to a bride should be accepted with honor!!! Omg!!! And being a bride is SURELY not an excuse to act like an asshole to your friends.

Uh what?!? I am kind of lost on why they are getting, chair covers, bows, and a photographer for this shindig. What happen to the times of holding a shower at a relative's home?? If you decide to contribute I would do as Erica suggested deduct $100 from the lost deposit and then pay here and there. I think it is totally crazy that they are not even addressing that you lost money bc they changed their mind

Both my FH sisters have/had weddings this year and I was very conscious about even planning and sending things out. I even only asked everyone to pay for $30 shoes and requested no bridal shower bc I get how cash strapped everyone is.

Your bride is crazy to let all this shenanigans to happen-- with her mom sending a crazy email to her MOH who is off her rocker demanding money, get out now, save yourself!

That's crazy. I don't know where you all are from, but around here I had 3 bridal showers and all three were at older ladies houses and really only included a light lunch. I don't understand these blowout showers. Craziness.

That is ridiculous I would never do that as a bridesmaid or a bride. I told my girls the color of the dress and they will pick any style they want, and they have to agree on the price I will not be getting involved. I also don't expect anything from them except showing up and will not be involved in the bachelorrete party or the bridal shower they will plan that themselves.

When her mother in law told you that it is her only time being a bride, you should respond that you are a bride right now too! The nerve!