i need some advice about my moh and her new boyfriend

I would allow her to bring him. All wedding party members should be given the option of a plus one, and as long as you haven't given any final counts to the caterer (which you shouldn't have yet, since your wedding is in October), I would plan for her to bring a plus one.

Have you already sent STD's and invites out? If her bf comes, will that put you past the amount of guests allowed?

You're correct, those in the bridal party get plus ones. Whether they be in a committed relationship, or just started dating someone. I don't think she meant to be rude when she said he would be her plus 1. She probably just assumed that since she's also a member of the bridal party, she gets a plus 1 as well.

Just know that if you decide to not allow her a plus one, but the rest of your bridal party gets one, it's going to result in hurt feelings and could hurt the friendship. Maybe it's just me, but unless you're already past your guest count/budget threshold and/or him being invited would put you past that 100%, I think she should be allowed a plus 1 like everyone else.

If there is anyone that you need to back down and give a plus one to, it’s definitely your MOH!

Allow her to bring her plus one. It is common etiquette that all wedding party members get a plus one, which is why she may have just assumed it was OK. I think most people would have assumed that. Especially her being your maid of honor and one of your closest friends. When she initially said don’t worry about it it was probably because she was not dating anyone and there was no one on the horizon. This guy is obviously a happy surprise, and you should celebrate their relationship like they are celebrating yours. I would not address anything with her. There is no need to cause undue hard feelings or drama where it is not needed. Just tell her you are happy for her and look forward to celebrating with both of them at your wedding. And who knows, they may not even be together by October! That is 8 months away, and this is a fresh relationship. I’m sure she is just in the excited honeymoon phase. I just wouldn’t worry about it. Moving forward I would just plan on her bringing a plus one, and if she does not have a plus one at the time your numbers are due to the venue just let her know that you are putting in the final numbers and cannot add anyone after that day.

I think if you your wedding can handle it you should just give her the plus one. The stress and possible damage to a friendship isn't worth it.

I think it's rude of her to just tell you he is coming. However her boyfriend should be allowed to attend, they are a social unit. Anyone in a relationship is a social unit no matter how long they have been together 2 months or 2 years time doesn't matter. You can't disregard and disrespect someone's relationship by not inviting their significant other when they are coming to support your relationship.

View Quoted Comment Save the dates have been sent out yes. Only addressed to her. There are 3 other members of the bridal party that do not have plus ones. They told us not to worry about it because again they understood this was going to be a small wedding. We asked everyone in the bridal party (that was single and not in a long term relationship or married etc) if they wanted a plus one and they all said no. It’s not like she would be the only one without a plus one. We have already had to tell my mother and soon to be mother in law no to other guests they wanted us to invite because again we cannot go over our budget. My soon to be husband and I have 3 kids total from previous relationships, we have a home and other expenses all which we have taken into our budgeting for the wedding. Yes inviting him is going to put us over, although not much, but it will cause mothers to become upset that we can’t invite more people they requested. I love her to death and I’m happy she’s happy but again she told us not to worry about it and now she’s expecting it.

View Quoted Comment This makes the most sense! Thank you!

Also even when you're guest/wedding party says not to worry about a plus one, you should always add one anyway especially when you got some time before the wedding. In this world thing change one day they tell you they don't Need a plus one the next day they do and then they day before the wedding they tell you they no longer need it. It's just how it is. We added plus ones to our budget because our wedding was a year away and we assumed some would eventually need one. And thankfully we did that because 2 of the groomsmen are now in relationships.

View Quoted Comment YW congrats on the engagement and happy planning!

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Ahh gotcha. I mean if you really don't want or can't have him there, then just sit her down and tell her that you're really happy for her and her new relationship, but your guest list has been finalized and you need to stay within your count limit. Hence why you asked beforehand if the bridal party needs plus 1s.

Either way you go, there's going to be some hurt feelings, whether it be from her or your family. So it's kinda unavoidable, but you can still talk to her and be gentle about it and hope she understands.

View Quoted Comment Honestly I’m so torn about it. I’m thrilled she found someone but maybe we will do a “wait and see”. We may have people that cannot attend and could put him in that way. I just want to be able to tactfully say “we honestly can’t afford it if everyone on our list says yes”

Well if no one else in the wedding party is allowed a plus one, does she know that? That way it’s not personal.

"Should I be upset? Should I tell her no?"

No, and no. This is your best friend. She's been single for a long time and is probably pretty excited about her new boyfriend, especially with the added challenge of dating during a pandemic. Try to at least pretend to be excited for her. I definitely wouldn't penalize her because you haven't met him yet due to a pandemic.

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And I think that's a reasonable way to go about it!

View Quoted Comment I never said I wasn’t happy for her. I am 100%. What’s upsetting is she told me she didn’t want to bring anyone and we have 3 others in the party that are not bringing anyone and she told me he’s coming. No asking can I bring him? That’s what I mean about being upset

If they both call these men their boyfriends then they consider themselves in a relationship. It doesn't matter if you haven't met one or he's only been one for a few months. Thats not for you to judge. They are not plus ones being a social unit. You cannot ask someone to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs.

View Quoted Comment Yes she does know this. My fiancé and I had open discussions with everyone because again it’s a tight budget. We wanted to be clear and up front with everyone and they were all in agreement with it

View Quoted Comment Then yeah, she needs a reminder that no one gets plus ones.

View Quoted Comment I am not even CLOSE to disrespecting her relationship. Please read before you come up with rude and judgements comments