i made a mistake by asking her

You want to kick her out of your wedding because she got drunk? I’m not seeing why you’d remove her from your wedding. If you do, I’d prepare for that to ruin whatever relationship you have with her and potentially cause other issues with that part of your family.

There isn't really a good way to remove her without potentially damaging the friendship. Was there something that she did while drunk that made you want to remove her? Or was it something your parents said that gave you doubts? Or is it just because you want an even number? You could remove her by being honest with her and saying you don't feel comfortable including her in your wedding party anymore and tell her why, but be aware that this will likely cause issues.

View Quoted Comment Because her whole life is a crisis she goes through boyfriends like no other.

View Quoted Comment As I stated she is adopted. Her parents never had a united front with her. She basically did whatever she wanted and not have any consequences.

View Quoted Comment This is a ridiculous reason to remove someone from your bridal party. If you hadn’t included her in the first place, I don’t think it would be an issue, but now that you’ve asked her it’s going to cause serious drama to explain why you’re removing her.

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This is sounding really judgmental. You can't kick her out without forever being seen as a huge 'zilla. I can't imagine the family dinners and reunions after that. Also, being adopted sounds like an unfair reason, I'm adopted too and I can't imagine that.

It does however, bear mentioning (again) to other readers not to choose your wedding party too early (>6 months before wedding) or impulsively.

View Quoted Comment She has a drinking problem

View Quoted Comment And my fiancé is a recovering alcoholic

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Sorry but you've mentioned her being adopted twice.

Clearly you knew your cousin before you asked her.

Is your real reason the even/odd number thing? IF so, you'll need to get over that.

View Quoted Comment Ever heard superstition?

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Superstition is not a good enough reason to treat your nearest and dearest like props. What if someone drops out and you're back at an odd number? Are you going to kick out another person? Are you going to assign "backup" bridesmaids? If so, don't, that's a very bad idea.

View Quoted Comment I'm confused as to how her being adopted or switching boyfriends frequently means that she can't be part of your wedding party? If she hasn't done anything that was majorly wrong or hurtful to you or anyone else, I don't understand why you'd want to remove her if she's one of your closest friends. Especially since you knew her personality before you chose her to be a bridesmaid.

You have stated that your cousin "[was] adopted and [is] a mess", "her whole life is a crisis she goes through boyfriends like no other", and "she has a drinking problem...my fiancé is a recovering alcoholic"... I'm sorry but it sounds to me like you have some regret about asking her to be a bridesmaid for whatever reason and are clutching at straws to try and find some way to justify kicking her out of your bridal party, which suggests to me that she probably hasn't done anything to validate such action.

None of us can stop you from doing this, but just be prepared that unless your cousin has done something so sh&tty to justify this, dropping her as a bridesmaid really won't reflect well on you.

This is a perfect example of why brides are told to pick only their super closest supportive people only no earlier than 6 months before the wedding. You cannot tell her to step down without ending the relationship and causing an irreparable rift which will cause unnecessary family tension between other relatives as well.


What is the real underlying reason you don’t want to include her? Superstition, being adopted, consuming alcohol, having a rough life which includes bad choices in significant others, etc are not legitimate reasons to kick someone out.

“How do we tell her she’s not in the wedding?“
You don’t. You be a supportive cousin and honor the title of bridesmaid that you gave her. This woman has done nothing to warrant being kicked out of your bridal party, and doing so will only make you look like an irrational (and cruel) bridezilla; and will likely cause unnecessary family feuds.

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You all have never heard that term. There is one in every family

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Why else would my parent give me warning signs?

View Quoted Comment Whether they gave you warning signs or not, you chose to ignore them. And now you are dealing with the repercussions of your decision. Kicking her out of your wedding party is going to make you look bad and probably cause feuds in your family. But, if you are willing to accept those consequences, then it is your choice to make.

Did you ask the cousin because you only wanted to contradict your parents, like "I call the shots, you guys don't"?
Like others have said, if you want to kick her out and you are willing to face the consequences , go for it. I don't think that kicking someone out makes you a bridezilla since you have to make the choices that makes you and fiancé comfortable and happy but it's as rude as sending out a save the date to someone but not a formal invitation.

Does this happen to be the same cousin who planned their wedding the weekend before yours?