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mrsrobinvalentine
Master February 2014

I lost my besties after 20yrs of friendship

mrsrobinvalentine, on May 5, 2014 at 2:10 PM Posted in Planning 0 21

She kept saying that she was happy that I was getting married and that she wanted to help me with my wedding planning. Well, every time I ask her to accompany to a bridal expo, she would say "yes" then cancel the day of. She would say that she wants to help with my DIY projections, then the day of "something came up". Sabotage my FDIL's bridal shower at a beautiful restaurant. Then thru me one at a store that was open to the public during my shower. Ladies, remember this, during your wedding planning journey, true friends will be there & the phonies will die out quickly. Be true to yourself! BTW, she showed up at my wedding & hit on one of my good friend husband during the cocktail hour, another crazy biotch that bit the dust. Have you experience this?

21 Comments

Latest activity by Lucy, on August 24, 2014 at 10:54 AM
  • Andrea
    Dedicated June 2014
    Andrea ·
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    I have definitely learned who my true friends were through this process, and who were truly happy for me and who were jealous and only wanted to be nosey about what I would have and do at my wedding. That is crazy that she showed up! I don't know what I would do if some friends I have cut ties with since getting engaged showed up!!

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  • Emily
    Expert June 2014
    Emily ·
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    You have me curious. How did she sabotage your fdil's shower? And how did her throwing you a shower in a store work? What kind of store? Did she just pluck some chairs down in the home goods department and serve cake?...I'm having trouble picturing it.

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  • .
    Master October 2013
    .... ·
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    Look at it this way, you lost a friend of 20 years over silly wedding events that she was in no way obligated to throw or attend. Maybe there was something else going on, but, were those things worth losing your friend over? It wouldn't be to me.

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  • mrsrobinvalentine
    Master February 2014
    mrsrobinvalentine ·
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    My FDIL was planning my bridal shower & out of respect she called my "oldest" friend for her input. Well, she would give her advice & then tell her not to do it. Then she told her that she would to the guest list mail out, then forgot. Lastly, didn't have her share of the money & missed the deposit date which lost the venue. There is a lingerie store in her town that she gave my bridal party at. Food & drinks weren't alone, unless it was salads. She mailed out her invites 3 days before the bridal party. So most people that wanted to come, couldn't make with such a short notice. My grandmother wasn't able to attend and my sister from out of town too. just too pity. there was a cake with nothing on it, no congrats, no name; 5 people showed out of 30

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  • Sunshine
    Super September 2015
    Sunshine ·
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    You are going to stop being friends with her - someone you have been friends with for 20 years - because she didn't throw you a shower exactly to your liking?! At least she threw you one at all! That's more than many women on here can say.

    You sound selfish and horrible! If that's how you repay a friend for throwing you a shower, then you're not a very good friend.

    She got you a cake with nothing written on it?! ...are you fucking kidding me? SMH.

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  • Mrs.Droopy
    Devoted November 2014
    Mrs.Droopy ·
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    I think I understand Mrs. Valentine. 20yrs or not, this sounds like a friend that just wasn't there when you needed her to be. She didn't treat events that were important to her friend of 20 yrs as if they were important. And giving ideas, then taking them back and forgetting to send out invites all sounds really immature. Unfortunately life changing events will cause people to show their true colors.

    Has she always been that unreliable?

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  • Theresa Beale
    Master November 2014
    Theresa Beale ·
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    Mrs.Valentine, I am sorry your friend turned out to be a bad friend. While I may not think any ONE of those issues would be cause to end a friendship, the bottom line is this person agreed to be there for you. She made promises to you and didn't care enough to follow through. As Mrs. Droopy said, it's during the planning process that you learn who your true friends are.

    I helped a friend plan her wedding and one of her "best" friends decided that she needed to be the center attention. It started when the bride went dress shopping for the first time. It was the bride, this "friend" and I. Well before the bride even got a chance to finish discussing what she wanted to wear with the consultant, this "friend" had pulled at least 10 bridesmaids dresses to try on. It didn't stop there. The next appointment she tried talking the bride into changing the dress colors (which the bride finally ended up telling this "friend" that the color was NOT going to change). This friend was rude and disrespectful (including sending her BF - the bride's FBIL - out to get her something to eat even though she was well away that there was a no food policy at the store because - in her words- I don't give a F**k, I'm hungry). The final straw was when she started a fight with the brides FILs, the bride, the groom and the groom's brother because this "friend" is angry that the groom's parents don't like her and the bride asked her to keep her distance from them at the reception. This "friend" ended up not coming to the wedding at all which is for the best because she would have only caused drama.

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  • Jamie
    Devoted September 2015
    Jamie ·
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    I think that this is a very petty situation to throw away a 20 year friendship over. You may not be as good of a friend as you are think you are if you're going to throw away your friendship because she "sabotaged" your bridal shower by not having the money to put a deposit down on a place to have it or by not getting a cake to your standards. Did you take a moment and step back from your busy wedding planning to take a look at what was going on in her life? You're friendship must have meant nothing if this is how you end it. Those are some true colors for ya!

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  • mscountry
    Master July 2014
    mscountry ·
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    I remember you talking about all this before and I understand how you feel. I had a bridesmaid not show any interest really in the wedding after finding out that is was not going to be the kind of wedding she thought it was (in her words - it's going to be a redneck wedding right). When she found out it was not going to be a free for all and she couldn't wear what ever she wanted and get drunk she flaked.

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  • M
    Super September 2014
    Miimii ·
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    Im so sorry you are going through this. I am going through a similar situation. my friend of almost 20 years was so excited about me getting engaged and was so exciting talking about being the MOH. as soon as it happened, her reaction left MUCH to be desired. she wasn't excited at all. i thought maybe she was in shock or something. almost a year later i can't even talk to her about my wedding. she doesn't seem interested at all. all my bridesmaids have bought their dress except for her. she's putting it off it seems. whenever i remind her to she makes me feel like a nagging mom. like being in my wedding is a chore she doesn't want to do. i am always reaching out to her and asking her about her life and she can't even ask me a thing about my wedding ,. ever. nothing. not even a "hows planning going" nothing. i don't even bring it up with her ever bc she just seems like she doesn't care. i don't know what to do and i def know how you feel. But she is my oldest friend and i don't want this to rue our friendship.

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  • Excited bride to be
    Savvy June 2014
    Excited bride to be ·
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    Lets take away the fact that this was a wedding. If your "bestie" never came through for you on a day to day basis would they still be considered a bestie? Yes, you should consider that people have their own lives and their own issues but making promises and not keeping it does not make a good friend regardless of if it's your wedding or not.

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  • Mel W
    Expert March 2014
    Mel W ·
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    While one of those things wouldn't ruin a friendship, the combination would. After 20yrs of friendship there should be a certain matter of respect and love and you are right for being upset. If not taking all her bullshit and disrespect makes her a horrible person, I'll call myself that proudly. I don't repeatedly tolerate it, especially from someone I would call my friend. There are some "friends" that don't last a lifetime and you need to let go, especially when they show their true colors.

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  • Jess
    Dedicated February 2015
    Jess ·
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    I'm sorry to hear that. I think people are being rude saying you are a horrible person! You are venting they don't need to come on here and make you feel worse. Don't listen to them. It's not just about the wedding. Your friend was constantly bailing and breaking promises and basically disrespected you. If she couldn't handle it she should have told you. Have you tried talking it out with her at all? Maybe she had something personal going on.

    I understand where you're coming from though I'm done with friends who I would do anything for but wouldn't do anything for me.

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  • Kelly
    VIP February 2014
    Kelly ·
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    I had a couple friendships strained very badly during our whole wedding planning process. I was really broken hearted by the whole thing. We are talking currently, but things will never be the same. It really kind of tainted the good times I should have been having. Sorry to hear for your loss, but it sounds like she wasn't really your friend to begin with.

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  • MissMadeline
    Master June 2014
    MissMadeline ·
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    I remember your post about the shower in the lingerie store. It seemed like she at least tried, though.

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  • mrsaj2b
    Master October 2019
    mrsaj2b ·
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    When I first starting my planning a friendship I had from high school went kaput. We had known each other for 23 years. I just couldn't get over what she did and how she did it. Scandalous.

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  • MrsHicks
    Master June 2014
    MrsHicks ·
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    It is so true that people will show their true colors. Sorry Robin.

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  • mrsrobinvalentine
    Master February 2014
    mrsrobinvalentine ·
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    Ladies, she didn't try and try to cover up her BS. My FDIL & son were pissed off that she nixed them & pretty much blew off every thing that they were trying to do. then to come on to another woman's husband during the cocktail hour. I'm just happy all hell didn't break loose; my friend & her husband were very classy about it. However, they don't not want to be around this woman again. My brother told me that she came on to him & his wife had to put her in check last year. I guess I was blinded with her past behavior. It's never too late to wake up; I'm truly awake now. thanx ladies for your time. Also, in the future profanity isn't necessary to get your message across. I've always have been a true friend for her. I've loan her money to never see it again. I've been there for her during her life crises. Friendship is a two way street, I'm tired of giving & being loyal. I'm at a age now, where I want to surround myself with positive people. thanx again ladies

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  • DC Julie
    Super October 2014
    DC Julie ·
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    I understand what you are saying. It's not the wedding that caused the demise of your friendship. It just showed your friend's true colors. Weddings and funerals will do that. They are stress tests.

    I have had friendships both strengthened and weakened during both.

    I am so sorry this happened, but ultimately it is likely for the best. You need positive, supportive people surrounding you!

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  • erin
    VIP April 2014
    erin ·
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    I get this. When I got engaged my good friend was super excited for me and told me that she'd help plan stuff if I wanted. Fast forward a few months and I got seriously injured and then ill and was in and out of hospital for a couple months. She basically stopped talking to me and when I'd call her or speak to her at work (we work together) she'd cut me off to say she had to go. She never asked about the wedding planning or anything else.

    She bought us a wedding gift but after the wedding (she was invited but as it was in a different country she couldn't go, which was fine) she asked me how it was but I could tell she really didn't care or want to hear anything about it so I just said it was good and one other detail and left it at that. I know that when another friend of ours got married and she couldn't go (again because of the distance) she was super excited to see pictures and talk about it, but with mine, she clearly could care less. I've decided that if she ever wants to get over whatever it is, then I'll be happy to be her friend again, but I'm not going out of my way to speak with her or hang out when she clearly doesn't want to have a relationship anymore.

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