Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

K
Just Said Yes March 2014

I just started wedding planning and already made my MIL upset...

Kelly, on August 12, 2013 at 11:18 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24

My fiancé and I live in Austin, Tx. My family lives in Fort Worth, Tx and my fiancé's family lives in Houston, Tx.

So I know it is proper etiquette to invite your MIL to go wedding gown shopping with all the ladies of the family. We were talking ahead of time of having a girls day out to go look for dresses and have lunch. I recently went up to see my family in Ft.Worth to check out venues (this will be the location of our wedding) We looked at venues and then just for fun went and looked at wedding dresses. I never thought I would have found my dress the first day of looking, but I did!! It's beautiful and perfect and I love it. When I told my MIL what happened and how bad I felt that she wasn't there, she didn't sound upset but later my fiancé told me she was pretty mad. I need some advice on how to handle this. I never wanted her to feel left out but I really didn't think I would actually find my wedding dress that day!

24 Comments

Latest activity by Taina, on September 30, 2013 at 12:10 PM
  • KristnH
    Master November 2013
    KristnH ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I've never heard that it is "proper etiquette" to invite your FMIL to go shopping with you - a nice gesture especially if you're close, but not etiquette. I went with my mom and that was it - my MOH came the night I said yes, but that was after I had narrowed it down to 2 dresses. I didn't invite FMIL at all, granted she lives a few states away, but there's nothing you can really do about it if she's upset. You've apologized and now she has to just get over it.

    If you really feel bad, offer to take her to lunch and then to the store and put the dress on for her. Maybe have her try on some MOG dresses.

    • Reply
  • ForeverMyLove
    Master December 2014
    ForeverMyLove ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I never heard that you were suppose to invite you MIL. I have helped friends purchase their dress, but not one of them invited their MIL. You bought your dress, she wasn't there. I wasn't like you intentionally did. You just looking and wham! There she was.

    If it will make her feel better, you can invite her when you go shopping for your BM and FG dresses.

    • Reply
  • LatinaBellaPR
    Devoted June 2014
    LatinaBellaPR ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I actually bought my dress the first day of looking as well and I invited my future MIL to come with me along my MOH, my mother and daughter. I made an appointment to go to a store and didn't like anything so I dropped MIL of and went to lunch with MOH my mom and my daughter who was hungry and I didn't feel like cooking so we went out. We ended up at another store we found needed no appointment and bought my dress. I felt bad MIL want there but it just happened.. That's what it sounds like to me to that happened with you. Whoever you invite is who you invite not who "should" be there.

    She wasn't to upset.. Made a joke of it like "oh you went without me" but that was it.

    • Reply
  • LatinaBellaPR
    Devoted June 2014
    LatinaBellaPR ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    You could always invite her to the fitting if you want.. I might do that since I do feel bad she wasn't there but it was unexpected

    • Reply
  • Megan
    Expert July 2013
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    You've apologized; you've done enough. She'll forget soon anyway. There is no rule that says MILs should be invited to those types of events. My mom raised my three brothers and was never invited to one shopping or fitting event for my SILs, and she was absolutely ok with it. I didn't invite my mil, and she also got upset, but it turned out that she got upset about our plans a lot throughout the planning process. You didn't mean to hurt her, it's not that big of a deal. I just wouldn't acknowledge it again. Let it die down. There will be plenty of more wedding events that she can come to.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP February 2014
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I never heard of this etiquette either, however I did a dress shopping day with my mom and MIL and had a similar situation. They both loved me in a dress that made me look like the stay puff marshmallow man. When I went back and chose a different dress without them (her) she got real nasty about it. Nice Nasty.... It's your wedding and you are going to hurt feelings a long the way. People will get over it when they realize that it's about you, not them.

    • Reply
  • TooManyMistys
    Master June 2014
    TooManyMistys ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Sorry to hear about your MIL being upset but I know plenty who don't invite theirs. I went with my BFF. Which bridal shop did you go to? Our venue is in fort worth too Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • ** Christina Q! **
    VIP December 2014
    ** Christina Q! ** ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Geez good thing you told me, I didnt know its tradition to have the MIL and other ladies there for dress shopping. I figure I'd just go with a close gf or two(or anybody else I could drag along with me!) Sorry about your MIL though she needs to be understanding...

    • Reply
  • 2015Bride
    Super May 2015
    2015Bride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I wouldn't invite my future mother in law, Nothing against her but that's something I would want to share with my mum only. You have done the best you can though by apologising there's not much more to do and hopefully she will get over it

    • Reply
  • Angela Marie
    Master May 2014
    Angela Marie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I didn't invite my FMIL. Just my mom and some of my lady friends. She'll get over it.

    • Reply
  • Abby
    VIP October 2021
    Abby ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I've never heard of needing to invite FMIL dress shopping.

    Did you buy your dress right off the rack, or did you have to order it? If you had to order it, you could invite FMIL to come with you when you get your dress. Maybe that would be a good way to reach out to her.

    • Reply
  • K
    Just Said Yes March 2014
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I guess "proper etiquette" was the wrong choice of words for me to use. It was more of we had talked prior and she wanted to make this day trip for her,myself, my sister and whoever else wanted to go to look at dresses, we just didn't know when we were going to do it. I wasn't planning on looking that day and it just so happened I tried on "the" dress. I do have to order it and I did invite her to come up to Fort Worth when it comes in for the fitting but she said she doesn't even want to see it until the wedding now. I just was trying to be nice bc I felt bad about the situation and now she has her feelings hurt.

    • Reply
  • Out the Window
    Master May 2014
    Out the Window ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    She needs to put on her big girl panties and grow the eff up. It's a nice gesture, but this is a moment between my own mother and whoever decides to come. You've made your apologies and done everything like an adult. I hope this doesn't mean she needs to be there for EVERYTHING!

    • Reply
  • MrsC
    VIP January 2014
    MrsC ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    You asked her then things didn't turn out as planned. It happens. It's life. You apologized. Take her to a fitting. She is a grown woman and can figure out how to get over it.

    • Reply
  • Marisa-in-Love
    Master July 2014
    Marisa-in-Love ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    LOL I found my dress when I went by myself. No friends, no family. I'm taking my mother and BP this weekend to show them me in it, but I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe include her in something else? Looking at venues or caterers or flowers?

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Shanon V
    Master May 2014
    Mrs. Shanon V ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I had my mom and my aunt when I went the first time. I'll be going with my MOH, my mom and probably a BM or two the second time.

    • Reply
  • Out the Window
    Master May 2014
    Out the Window ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Welcome to Wedding Wire!

    Please consider changing your avatar & screen name from the generic/anonymous ones that WW provides to something that uniquely identifies you. It helps everyone on the forum follow along with the progression of your posts/planning. The avatar doesn't have to be a photo of you just something that separates you from everyone else. :-)

    You can't change your avatar from the app you can change it from either your mobile browser (while viewing the full site) or from your desktop computer.

    To do this:

    - Click your name on the top right of your screen and click on "My Settings"

    - Click 'Profile and Privacy Settings'

    - Below 'Account Image' on the left, hover your mouse over the avatar and click 'Change Image'

    - Select an image from your Photo Album, your Avatars, or Upload from your computer & click 'Update Image

    Again, welcome & Happy Planning!

    • Reply
  • Allyson
    Master May 2014
    Allyson ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I wouldn't worry about it too much. I invited my FMIL and she was out of town the weekend that we were going. I offered that she could go to a fitting and showed her a picture of the dress. It was nice that you want to include her, so she needs to decide if she wants to go to the fitting or not.

    • Reply
  • Linda
    Super November 2013
    Linda ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Dont be sorry! I did not invite my FMIL to go with me. Just my mom and MOH. I wanted it to be special. And lets just say my FMIL is very rude and selfish most of the time. If you want to make ammends. Maybe try to offer to take her dress shopping for her dress. Or make a big fus that you want her at the first dress fitting when it comes in.

    • Reply
  • OMW
    Master August 2013
    OMW ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    It seems as though the issue was you invited her, she got excited about going, and then you ended up going it without her. I can understand why she's upset. Give her time to cool down - she'll probably be ok in the long run.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

WeddingWire article topics