i have not heard from one my bridesmaids for some time now

View Quoted Comment I actually don't expect the friendship to end. She's practically family. I'm also not "kicking" her out, I'm responding to her actions. We've dealt with bigger battles in life. Asking someone to step down from your wedding because they literally go MIA is standing firm on word and being true to what you deseve.

She not only confirmed the date she offered to give a contribution. Why must people be stalked? When I texted her multiple times she replied, "omg you should have called." I seldom call this friend. She's gas lighting and beating around the bush. I know this because I KNOW this person. Quite indicative of her personality and really none of this is a shock. I did think perhaps she would get a dress. No one has time to be searching for dresses when she can really just buy it and give confirmation like she said she would.

At this point it's about not wasting money e.g. bouquet, table label, programs, bridal party gifts.

There is no way I'm waiting to the day of MY wedding to see if a "bridesmaid" appears. Hun, if the bridal shower ain't that important to you then why is one single human who's not getting married?

View Quoted Comment Also, it doesn't matter that you think showers aren't that big of deal. I personally don't think everyone's wedding is but if I say I'm going to do something I do it. If I don't I'm prepared for the feedback from my friend.

Again, please don't perpetuate your customs on to everyone. In my culture its HUGE. Folks who could not attend are begging to see photos.

View Quoted Comment But thank you for advocating for this person. That's admirable.

Sis, trust me she's bailing. Can't put everything in writing, but I assure you none of this is a shock with this person. I still love her and I'll be here for her to the end. I just cannot deal with this headache for my wedding.

We're not going to agree, and that's fine. I agree she did some annoying things. I still think you're overreacting in a big way. But only you can decide what to do. I think it's a mistake to kick her out. But you do you if you think that's the right decision, you don't need an internet community to tell you how to handle something you've already made your mind up to do.

Good luck with everything!

View Quoted Comment Will do...Jah Bless!

I wanted to follow-up. She did reach out to me via social media (odd). Expressed that she was sorry she missed it. Before you say, maybe her phone is broke. We're on the same family plan. Fix it Jesus...lol

Jeez a lot of you aren’t listening.
Yes you or other may have dealt with the “anxiety/depression/embarrassment at brokeness/etc” outlier, but we can’t just consider she could be being a flake because all of a sudden she doesn’t feel like being in a wedding anymore?
My Lord...
OP def sounds like she has a different culture than “the norm” which you may not get, but at least acknowledge it and advise on the actual question. For all we know her dress is coming from Nigeria being made by a specific person who also makes their own fabric who also is hard to contact 🤷🏾‍♀️ People will tell you it is too late to order a wedding dress months out, so consider this could actually be a thing!🤔
OP, I would say to give her a quick call or text as a gentle reminder about the dress that needs to be handled by the end of the week or she can be a guest. If you are past that point, just let her know that you noticed xyz and so to take the stress off of her and you, you would like her to be a guest.

Done and done.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you Sisssssss!!

I thought I explained this pretty well. I'm going to try one last time (like hey I think perhaps you should sit this one out and focus on you) and after that, she's a guest. I did think that over and I think a guest is as safe as it gets.

BTW, my fiancé is Ethiopian.

View Quoted Comment Ah! I knew I felt some mid African vibes. Is she now insisting to still be in it?

View Quoted Comment

She made no mention of the wedding. Just said I looked beautiful and sorry she could not attend the shower. Again, not a big deal you could not attend but are we really condoning close friends NOT mentioning a word about a big day e.g. RSVPing and then sliding in the DMs? Also, I see many comments about bridesmaids only having to do one thing. Bruhhhh miss me, these aren't just bridesmaids, they're practically family. Again, in our culture you invest in folks day. You only have one shower your entire life. It's a big deal. Hence all the love I'm receiving, even from dudes. I'm being showered with some many congratulations after I displayed a few pics on IG. More likes for this "bridal shower" then when I graduated with my 2nd degree....lol. Lest not downplay marriage.

Meanwhile folks are proposing I play inspector gadget and track her down? I think I'm actually being quite nice and haven't said a foul word about her character, not even to the bridal party. I've left them totally out of this conversation and decision. It's been all positive vibes.

View Quoted Comment Yea, all of that is shady to me. I care leaps and bounds about my friends who I consider family as well as family. Not one would do this silliness. I had things pop up and am currently in limbo with a BM coming due to things out of both of our control. We had an adult conversation and a decision was made. I do not think that is too much to ask and I’m a more laid back bride.
Ive not been flooding anyone but my cousin and MOH with wedding stuff, and even that has not been too much. Everyone checks in once in a while or I do and things have been fine. I think it is telling behavior barring some traumatic event.
I hope you have a great wedding! Mine is the day after yours 😃😃😃

View Quoted Comment

Wow these people are rude.. I am sorry you are getting judge! if she is ignoring you then I would say she just has no idea how to tell you to be in the wedding.. You can call the shop and ask if it is to late to get her dress in on time.. if they say yes I would say hey! just checking in on the dress! do you have it yet. if not i think it is too late to get it.. you could even just text and say I have not heard from you just want to make sure you are okay? i would start there

View Quoted Comment Yay for your wedding date! This is legitimately the only hiccup the entire wedding process has been so smoothe. I too am laid back and haven't asked my bridesmaids for a thing, except to get their dress on time. Anything extra they do is at the behest of their own desires.

I gifted them (months ago, thanking them) with Chandon and smell goods (nothing that's needed for our wedding) and I'm taking care their make up. Probably even their jewelry.

She knows what's up. Thanks for the support and blessings for your wedding and marriage🤗🤗.

I would just move forward with things with it in my mind that she is out. Giving what you have said, it sounds to me like what she is doing is intentional and designed to upset you. I can't think of any other reason why she would completely ignore you and post pictures of herself at a music festival on the day of your shower that she RSVP'd she was going to attend. The best thing you can do is just ignore her and her pettiness. If she tries to get involved next month, I'd be polite and just let her know that you assumed by her actions/inactions that she was not going to be involved.

View Quoted Comment I knew anything about "bridesmaids" doing anything would invite these types of comments. I'm starting to think its indicative of others lack luster responses to past weddings they've been in or maybe they just see bridal extras as fanfare. Really though it's about what people desire for THEIR day and I've been upfront about everything. Are we really saying its ok for people to come the day of the wedding and still saying all is well? So they can just skip the rehearsal?

I agree. I'll see if the dress is available (again 🤣🤣, 3rd time) and really that's it. She's a guest.

I would reach out one last time and just say, "Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. I never got confirmation about your bridesmaid dress and no one heard from you about attending the shower. Do you still want to be in the wedding? If not, we're still happy to have you as a guest, but I'm at the point where I need to know."