i have not heard from one my bridesmaids for some time now

I don't think you need to tell her. It sounds like she has already made that decision not to be in your wedding. She's ignoring you, didn't pay for her dress, didn't come to the shower. She didn't give you an explanation for any of this and you don't owe her one.

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I actually told my fiancee something similar. Interestingly, she RSVP'd. In fact, she was the first person to do so...lol. She also attended our engagement party. Not sure what changed for her.

There's no need to give her the courtesy of telling her she's out because clearly she doesn't even care. Live your life and focus on your wedding. You can either have an uneven wedding party or replace her with anyone else you might have in mind. Your day will be just as amazing without her in your wedding/party.

Sis will be in your life much longer than just your wedding, so I would still give her the courtesy letting her know. Just say, "I haven't heard from you in a while, and I don't want the added stress this seems to be putting on both of us. Don't worry about being in the bridal party, but you're still welcome as a guest."

I would tell her still that maybe it's best for her to not have the role in your wedding. Even though she's consciously not a part of it I think it's good to still say it aloud. I'd hate for her to assume she's still in It

If you are close enough to her to invite her to be in the wedding, then you should reach out to her to see what is going on, as a friend.

There are always two sides of a story and until you get hers, you are just assuming.

It could be an honest mistake, or she could be avoiding you, or going through any number of things in her own life.
You don't know until you ask.

If you care about her, as I assume you do....come at it from a place of concern, not anger.

Tell her you missed her at the shower and you would love if she could still share in your big day, but if she can't for whatever reason, you need to know.
As brides, we sometimes get caught up in wedding world, we forget others aren't consumed with the wedding like we are.

It doesn't make them bad people, life just gets in the way.
I'd give someone the benefit of the doubt and ask them.

Either way, you will get your answer.
Good luck

From your original post, it is a big leap to saying you are going to drop her, and I do not understand why. As you said, there is no requirement a bridesmaid attend a shower. It does not matter what she did during that time, her choice. And it is still over 9 weeks to the wedding. Maybe she does not have the dress yet, but unless it was a custom design, she may get it in time. Why drop her? If she does not have it the week before the wedding, it is different. But so many people I know have gotten a dress in the last 4-6 weeks, after checking to make sure it was possible, and sometimes paid a rush delivery fee. . . Hold off until just before the wedding. Then if she does not have it, she is a guest. But over 9 weeks in advance is drastic. And unnecessary.

Regarding the aforementioned post, thank you all for your feedback.

I don't think it's a leap to say I would drop her because she literally did not do the one thing I asked. The one and only, get your dress by the end of March. I've asked my bridal party for zero help on my wedding. Heck, I barely did anything for my wedding 🤣🤣🤣. That's what professionals are for. This is about being firm on your word and giving reverence for your friend.

Forgot? Ok. So you forgot to text me your confirmation on the date you proposed? You forgot to attend or mention my bridal shower when you asked what contribution was needed? Let me tell you what a hero said to me, "an excuse is nothing but a lie." - mom mom. My wedding party even questioned, "so she's on IG and said nothing about attending after we all had back and forth emails?" I didn't speak a foul word on Sis soul. But this wedding is about the marriage of my baby and I. I'm not caught up in "wedding world." I'm devoured by God's humility and giving me this level of patience 😭😭🤣.

I appreciate the advise so there is no polarization. My original question was how should I tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid and if she should be invited to the wedding. I couldn't possibly itemize or conceptualize my decision, but it's been made.

View Quoted Comment It's not a matter of what she did. She didn't RSVP after receiving her invitation and spoke on giving a contribution to my mom. She confirmed the date worked for her as well.

Many of those in my safe space were giving her the benefit of the doubt until that moment. Everyone that could not attend the shower did a video that my fiancee combined. Sis, didn't even do that 🤣🤣.

View Quoted Comment I'm not angered. Unbothered really. How should this messaging go and should she be invited to the wedding?

It challenging enough to write on this forum because so many go in on the bride and push on emotions that many may not feel. Not anger, presumptions, iritiated, or even upset with her. I don't even plan on replacing her in the wedding. Just moving forward. The no invite was to give her a total out.🤣🤣

I had a similar situation with my maid of honor. She stopped taking my calls and texts and we live 1000 miles away so I couldn’t drop by to talk. When I finally got ahold of her after I texted her sister and expressed my concern for her, I found out she was having major stress and anxiety about being in the wedding and didn’t know how to tell me. So her answer was avoidance. This also came at the time we were to be ordering their dresses and unknown to me at the time my shower. I’ve since found out she never responded to my mom or the other bridesmsids either about anything shower related.
Im saying this because I’m glad I persisted to reach her and we got to the bottom. She doesn’t not want to be my friend- she just can’t handle the stress of everything wedding related.
I don’t know what is going on with your friend but if she was close enough for you to ask to be in the wedding I think you should give her the chance to opt out. Now that we’re in the open, our relationship is back to the same as it was a couple months ago.

View Quoted Comment She may not want an out. Talk to her. You missed my point, you have no idea until you ask her. She may be struggling in her own life, you just don't know.
A true friend would get to the bottom of it without assuming as you wouldn't want anyone to assume anything untrue about you.
She could be depressed, or going through a bad break up, lost a friend or a pet or any number of things. Just ask her.
An uninvite isn't a polite thing to do, no matter what the situation. You extended the invitation, she said yes for a reason.

View Quoted Comment Yes 👍 that is what a true friend does...goes into the darkness with you and holds your hand. Judgement free.
Stress, anxiety and depression can come across as indifference... When it's anything but.

View Quoted Comment No friendship is cookie cutter and again this isn't about our relationship. Without dragging her I'm giving an overview of the situation.

Talk to her? I did. She still has not gotten her dress after giving me a date back in April and texting she would give a confirmation once it was purchased. That was actually her second time giving a date she would complete the order.

I cannot tell anyone how to be friend but some folks we hold onto when their season is over. It doesn't mean you hate the person or wish foul things over their life. Being in or at my wedding is not that big of an honor. Being in my marriage is which is why I'm marrying the one whom my heart loves. There are tons of folks I love and adore that aren't in my wedding or won't be able to attend. First because of budget, last because of budget 🤣🤣.

A true friendship won't be broken by a non attendance at a wedding. Trust me I know. I didn't attend my best friends wedding because we were on the outs and now he's my man of honor. Friendship isn't that shallow. At least I hope not. This question is regarding order and ease for one day.

I think if your decision is made you say I'm sorry you won't be a part of it, but you're more than welcomed to come as a guest. You will receive an invitation for (1 or 2) reserved guest seats at the wedding. Please RSVP by x date. If We still haven't heard from you by y date, we will be unable to accommodate you.

View Quoted Comment A shower is not a bridesmaid requirement or responsibility, and you acknowledge that in your OP. So she decided not to do it, for whatever reason. Frankly, you as bride are a guest of honor, and should have nothing to do with it, leaving it to the hostesses. And because she can get her mind and did not do the shower in any way, did not contribute or plan the details , or do the video project, thus clearly not wanting to be part of it, you hold it against her? . . . If she was a close enough friend to ask to begin with, why can't you go by the usual standard: if she has the dress and other stuff by the week before the wedding, she has fulfilled the basics. And at more than 9 weeks to go, she may get it. If not, she is not a bridesmaid. Holding not participating in a shower against someone is really low.

View Quoted Comment It's really low? First off, we need to stop assuming culturally showers have the same reverence for everyone. In my culture and space it's monumental. No, actually it's not low to expect someone to at least acknowledge your bridal shower by RSVPing, sending a text explaining why they're not there, etc. Its in fact tacky on her part to receive an invite and say nothing in no way shape or form, especially because she's apart of the bridal shower, and also because every single invited guest RSVP'd.

Regardless if I'm hosting the shower or not folks asked for her. Because again, in our culture the bridal shower is something you do not skip on and if you do it better be a solid reason. She was parlaying at a music festival. I wish folks would reserve their ideologies for their own events. This is not about our friendship as relationships have complexities and nuances someone on the outside is not privy to.

It's not about filling the basics, it's about being honest and standing on the word you set. Again, it's really none of my business how people engage with their friends, but in our space we're they're for each other. Peridot.

Now, (how) do I tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid and do I invite her as guest? Someone who knows this individual was worried she may not show up, thus wasting a seat. The late Dr. Maya Angelou said, "When people show you who they are, believe them." We really be out here making a luxury size space in our heart for people that can't do the "basics" like RSVP.🤣

You're not getting married for over a month, she has plenty of time to get a dress, especially if she is picking her own. I get being upset about the shower, but I would just let it go. Treat her like normal, and if she shows up on your wedding day without a dress, guess what? she's not a BM. It's super rude to replace her with a back-up bridesmaid, so it really does no good to kick her out.

View Quoted Comment If you read what I typed, I'm not replacing her. She's not picking her own dress. There is a specific dress I desire to be worn. Also, not sure about anyone else's wedding but mine will have order. It's not just about a dress but florist, photographers, heck even gifts that will be purchased for them needs lead time.

Rude? To expect someone to follow through with a simple request by a due date? I really don't care how far my wedding is it's what I asked and she could have easily declined to be in the wedding. She agreed to the date and professed she would provide me confirmation.

The question is howwwwwww should I tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid and should I invite her to the wedding?

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Still, she has over a month to get a dress. Yeah, it's annoying that she didn't get it earlier but it seriously doesn't affect anything. there are plenty of ways to get a dress (even a specific one). Resale sites, friends, rush order. I still think the best course of action would be to let it go. If she shows up wit her dress on the day, cool. If not, she's not a BM.

Yes it's super rude that she didn't RSVP, but if she didn't, whoever sent the invite should also have followed up. IDK, showers are nice, but not that big of a deal.

If you kick her out, expect the friendship to be over.

Just my opinion.