I feel like my wedding sucked and it's ruining our lives!

While I'm not married yet, I understand a few of your vents:

1) Not everyone's vows can be an epic ballad of emotion. No matter how long or short, they are heartfelt and came from the person themselves (or they did the research for memorizing one off the 'net and that takes awhile)

2) I find it weird that the parents won't let you look in case they missed it. Any chance you can insist?

3) How the heck were the words "I do" left out?

We didn't say I do either. It's often left out when people write their own vows.

Post wedding depression is very real. I felt it for a long time and just stopped having nightmares about things that did go wrong/could have gone wrong a few weeks ago. It sucks when you work so hard and things just don't turn out the way you expected. I had high expectations myself and was let down by a lot of people. But remember that these are all things no one noticed and despite the mishaps, I got tons of compliments on my wedding day. Just remember that you're married and if things like not being able to say "I do" bug you that much, consider doing a vow renewal in the future.

@KM I've never noticed that at weddings I've been to where they wrote their own. Guess I need to pay more attention, lol

As for the wedding "ruining your life", just remember that much more horrible things could have happened to actually ruin it instead of these little things

We did "with this ring, I thee wed" but never said "I do".

It sounds like several things in the wedding did not go the way you planned. The great news is that now you're married!!! And of course, that's the goal. Maybe try and not focus on what went wrong (what's done is done) and try looking forward to your honeymoon (if you're taking one) or your first year of marriage.

Huh...@KM, I guess we never actually said I do either, we did the ring part though like you said. I don't miss it lol!

@Christy, I'm sorry you feel that way about your wedding, hopefully you'll find the guest book. I'm sure you'll feel better after you get pictures back and remember the fun parts about the day. Focus on the good parts!

Christy,

You're married!! Congratulations. You and your husband should now spend this time relaxing and enjoying your new lives together. Let go of what you can't change and instead focus on what's in front of you - a beautiful, happy future. Planning a wedding is super stressful and we all want that day to be perfect but for all that stress and planning there's always something that's bound to go wrong. At the end of it all, you and your husband love each other enough that you made a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together. A lost guestbook or a hiccup in your vows isn't going to change that. Smile and enjoy your blessings

Are you mostly hung up on your husband not expressing his feelings as you have? Is he normally a man of many words and were you surprised that this was so short? You should talk with him about it and say that you were a little hurt that it was so short and not what you expected. It's nothing you should get hung up over, but it sounds like you feel that he loves you less than you love him because his vows were shorter. I am sure that this is not the case.

@April G, we wrote our own vows and had a non traditional ceremony. We did with this ring I thee wed, but she never asked us for the expression of intent, even though it was in her rough draft that we read. As for his parents, we went over there to ask to look and of course my husband lost his cool, as well as his mom sat there and explained in detail what happened between them and the catering ppl... Which I am not concerned with, I just wanted to look myself! She sat there acting like we were blaming them so my husband got so frustrated he yelled and walked out so I didn't have a real chance to be there to look at all! Should I keep insisting? And I feel like it's ruining our lives because I haven't been able to let it go! I accept the fact we didn't get to say I do... But we didn't realize the guestbook was gone until a few weeks ago... Everything was at their house from the wedding. We didn't pick it up right away. So there is something else driving me nuts!! I am driving him nuts too. Yeah I would say post wedding depression is real, and I am trying to look at the good.

@cbtocl yes he is usually much more expressive then that. In our everyday lives he is much more expressive than I am. So I am trying to look at it like, he is so expressive all the time, so it's okay his vows were short because he says sweet things all the time.

At this point all you can do is let it go. You are married now so focus on your marriage and not your wedding.

I have to say that I'm worried about this happening to me too. My FH is not very good with words and I don't want him to write something short and I feel disappointed so we are writing them together somehow. we've already tried though and it's really hard so I might go into IDGAF mode and just tell him to write his own and i'll deal with it when it comes. writing is HARD!

I agree, it's not the quantity of the vows, it's the quality of the vows that should suffice. Not everyone enjoys speaking in front of a crowd and/or is a glorious wordsmith.

1) You can't do it over so there is no point staying fixated on your husband not having long enough vows.

2) Guest books are SO pointless. We did a Guestbook calendar just to be able to use it. Don't lose your shit over a missing book

3) why is all the wedding stuff at your in laws?

4) YOU'RE MARRIED! Enjoy it. Stop focusing on the past! What is done is done.

OK - I am going to come at this from someone who has been married a lot of years. That doesn't mean I am patronizing you or anything like that - I am just going to give you my take.

Why are you hung up on "I do"? You exchanged vows, you were pronounced man and wife - you are married to your wonderful DH! I realize that technically that is the declaration of intent, but your intent was crystal clear by being up there, exchanging vows/rings. Getting hung up on 2 words is doing you no good and causing friction. You can't redo it, you can't take anything back, and it makes not one bit of difference in the end. Rock it like Elsa, and let it go. This is a nothing. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I promise, it is. You are married!

Do you guys not have room for the stuff at his parents? If you do, just go get the stuff and get them out of the picture on this. I really hope you find your guest book, but I can tell you mine hasn't seen the light of day in almost 19 years. My DDs all have said the same thing. My 4th DD to get married really wondered if it was necessary. She got married just over a year ago and I really don't think they had one but not absolutely sure.

As far as his vows - sometimes it is just a guy thing. Some people are wonderful at expressing their thoughts on paper and some people aren't. What he said at your wedding might not have been oozing with several lines of emotion, but again, you are married and you know he loves you very much.

I know my husband said his vows to me but after all this time I couldn't tell you what he said that day. He has said so many more things over the years that prove his love for me and his undying devotion. His vows were great but so many things he has said since then top them for sure.

Being a newlywed is such a special time in life. You will only be at this point in life once. I do understand about post wedding depression and boy did I have that with first DD's wedding. She told me what she wanted and put the whole thing in my hands. It was my life for awhile, and then poof - it was gone. It was awful! But I had to come to the realization that I was more than just her wedding planner and I had to remember who I was before all that started.

These things are a choice you are making. You are choosing how much you are letting "I do", and a lost guest book upset you. You can choose to let this go and enjoy this special time with your new husband, or you can obsess about them...knowing you can't change a thing. If you can't change it, you need to assign a much lower value to it and enjoy being a newlywed.

Let me see if I'm accurately capturing this.

You feel your wedding was ruined because 1) you didn't say the words "i do" 2) your husband had short vows and 3) your guest book is missing?

So you're saying that the entire 8 months of planning, the beauty of the entire affair, how you looked in your dress, the food, the first dance, the cake....it was all overshadowed by those 3 things?

Maybe he is like my FH and very private so he wasn't comfortable being really expressive in front of everyone. I am insisting in doing our own vows but worry that FH's will be very short and not as emotion filed as I would want.

The guestbook is not a big deal. I have looked at the one from my first marriage maybe 3 times since 2003 and we were married for 9 years. So...

Most of these things are highly trivial. Let it go. Start your new life.

When it comes to pouring of emotions through a wedding vow, not to pull the gender stereotype, but men are pretty much taught that it's not okay to do that. Maybe your guy is private. If we were writing our own vows, my FH would do the same thing. I wouldn't let it ruin my wedding. Don't try to pigeonhole your guy into what you want him to be, what you want him to say, etc. You married him for him.

I understand that the guestbook is important to you, and it's understandably upsetting that it's missing.

However, don't you think that saying a missing book is RUING YOUR LIFE is a tad melodramatic?

I can say this... I think your hung up on a few small things. That said, yes I hated my first wedding. The ceremony in no way reflected anything about me. (he was catholic and I wasn't) The reception wasn't really what I wanted, but my MIL paid, so I had very little say. Even though we had a receiving line, I was still expected to go to each table and greet everyone and collect our cards. My H didn't go with me (this was my responsibility to do apparently), so I had to go introduce myself to a lot of people I didn't know and it was very awkward. My dress didn't get bustled up properly, so half the night people were stepping on me. Finally, at the end of the night, my H had to pack up all the gifts and truck them down to his parents house so they wouldn't get lost or stolen, rather then bring them to our room. So I didn't get a wedding night. He didn't get back till around 4am.

Given the choice, I wouldn't do that again... The only reason we're having a big wedding is because my FH has never been married. All of his family will be coming, and I'm determined to plan this in such a way that I can actually enjoy myself too.