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Just Said Yes August 2021

i dont want my friend as my moh opinions?

Brittany, on February 14, 2020 at 9:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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I have an issue and need advice and opinions. It's long sorry! I have this friend whom I've been friends with since freshmen year. We have kept in touch through the years and last year she moved in with my Fiancee and i as a roomate and turned out to be the worst mistake I've ever made. She pays nearly nothing and rent and trys to control everything in the house. She is also extremely rude to my fiancee and the other day she punched her bedroom door and yelled at us to be quiet at 10pm when we weren't even talking and we were just making popcorn in our living room. Anyway my Fiancee and I have been together since we were 13 and got engaged at 18 and now are in the middle on planning our wedding next year. I was talking about our wedding and she said "oh I am your MOH right?!"..I haven't decided whether or not I even want bridesmaids but I know for a fact i don't want her as my MOH. Before I could even say anything she cut me off and said " well I am going to make you wedding cards and my mom is going to do your hair other wise she will be offended". Note I've met her mom maybe 5 times in my life. She considers us bestfriends but tbh since living with her I have began to almost hate her. Shes rude, mean and controlling over everything and I know if she was my MOH she would purposely rub it in my other friend's faces for no reason and definitely wouldn't have my best interest in mind. When I was telling her about how I want just a small wedding and my silly wedding plans she would says my plans are dumb or belittled them and then say how she would plan her wedding. I told her I wasn't sure if I want bridesmaids and that I would have to think about who I would want as my MOH as I have friends whom I've known since I was 5 and I am still connected with. She then replied "Well if I'm not your MOH your definitely not going to be mine" to which I stood there shocked and replied "that's ok if that's your wish. This wedding isnt about me and you it's about my fiancee and I and no one else really matters."....to which then she cried and said "I am sorry that was really mean and petty but idk maybe when I move I'll find someone more important then you for my wedding but you'll be a bridesmaid at least"

I dont want her as my MOH ! She moves in 3 months..thank god but what do I do?! How do I tell her that shes not my MOH? I want my aunt to be mine. Shes been there my whole life and I dont want to choose between friends. I have 2 childhood friends I've know since i was about 5 and they know about my past.. I had a terrible past and my roommate/friend knows nothing about it but these other 2 friends went through it with me and even though we dont talk much anymore I still consider them my bffs. We just all live farther away from each other and all 3 of us are in very committed relationships. My roomate even said "oh well you dont even talk to your old friends anyway that much and I live with you soo.." I didnt have a way to reply...i am scared to even have my roommate even as a bridesmaid with them as I am scared she will ruin things. I dont know how to tell her shes not my maid of honor without her possibly blowing up. Someone please help ..

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Kaysey, on February 16, 2020 at 10:25 AM

VIP September 2020
Willow · on February 14, 2020 at 9:12 PM
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Absolutely do not include this controlling, childish, ticking time bomb in your bridal party. I am starting to wonder if you should even have her as a friend. If you are this scared of her reaction, she is volatile and you should distance yourself from her.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on February 14, 2020 at 9:16 PM
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Your wedding is almost 18 months away, if the date on your profile is correct, and if I understood your post, she's moving out in 3 months? If you don't want to flat out tell her she won't be your MOH (or in the wedding at all), it's fine if you just continue to say you haven't made any decisions about your party. (It's often recommended to not ask wedding party members until 8-10 months before the wedding, so there is no rush!) If she really pushes, I'd probably tell her you won't be asking her to be in the wedding, but she sounds very immature and/or perhaps unstable, so I'd probably try to avoid a direct confrontation at least until she's no longer living with you. Do not allow her to bully you into any decision you do not want. Good luck!
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Dedicated December 2020
Chelsea · on February 15, 2020 at 12:10 AM
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I had a similar issue with a life long friend who I was obligated to have as MOH, even when I didn't want her to be. Well, I had decided to not have one at all so she wouldn't be offended.. It ended up not being an issue, early in my engagement I had to cut the toxic friendship. I am now, months later, going to ask my true best friend to be MOH on Sunday with a big surprise! It honestly was the best decision ever to end the friendship. It was hard and sad.. But a huge weight lifted! Dont let someone else decide what you need to do! Trust your gut!
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Devoted June 2020
Dominique · on February 15, 2020 at 2:19 AM
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I agree MOB So Cal
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 15, 2020 at 6:25 AM
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Would wait until she at least moved out before doing anything and honestly is this a friendship you want to keep? I would talk wedding plans at all. I say after she moves officially all your aunt asks tell her she is very important to you and you wanted her. Then leave it at that.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 15, 2020 at 6:25 AM
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Would not talk wedding plans.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on February 15, 2020 at 11:48 AM
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She sounds awful.
If you have the time, I would avoid making any mention of MOH or bridal party decisions until after she moves out because she sounds like exactly the type of person who would make the next three months hell. If she keeps bringing it up, just tell her your wedding is still a ways away and you haven't made decisions about whether or not you want a bridal party yet (since it sounds like that is still true).
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on February 15, 2020 at 3:06 PM
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This exactly. You don't have to make this decision this early, so don't. Then you don't have to tell her anything. She moves out, and then you can step back and reevaluate the friendship. You should never feel obligated to have someone in your bridal party--no matter the reasons. It's about having the ones you love with you as you transition to this new chapter of your life. You really don't want to bring this level of negativity into your wedding planning, so I wouldn't share any details at all with her.
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Dedicated September 2020
Private User · on February 15, 2020 at 3:47 PM
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I don't know her and hate to label anyone I don't know but she sounds immature. Like talking to someone about middle school dance plans. I'd tell her to move out first of all or ya'll move out. Then don't even talk with her about wedding plans. Just say you and your fiancee are taking care of all the wedding details.
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on February 16, 2020 at 10:25 AM
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Do not let her be your MOH, and in my opinion, do not let her be in your bridal party at all! I think it would put more stress on you and make one of the best moments of your life, one of the hardest. Planning your wedding and your wedding day should be calming, relaxing and enjoyable. From what you've said about her, if she was in your wedding, there would be more harm than good.
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