I don't want kids at my reception!

Jennifer, me neither. I didn't realize adult only weddings were a thing.

Me personally, I couldn't imagine our wedding day without my nieces and nephew, and my goddaughter, and the children of my close friends...but that's just me.

I can see the appeal of adults only sometimes, but when it comes to family...if its a big deal to him, I'd allow them, or find some kind of compromise.

Best of luck!

I am having no kids at the wedding. The only kids will be my two, my little sister, and his niece. But my reasoning wasn't as yours is. It sounds really selfish when you say you don't want the children to steal the spotlight.

Maybe I came off a little harsh on the no kids policy, but it's only because it's been something on my mind recently and I really do not have anyone else to vent to other than my parents who also agree a no kids policy is a good idea and my MOH (also on my side.) Maybe I should have gone into a little more detail about my wedding before I talked about this issue and started to receive negative backlash on my post. Well, first and foremost I love my future nieces and nephews, but I personally feel like there is a time and a place for kids, and an Adult Wedding Reception is not one of them. 1) we have a guest list of 300 people (and we had to cut a lot of people just to get to 300.) 2) We are bringing our own alcohol which means open bar all night and our families will be drinking. 3) We are having our ceremony at a church and our reception at a venue which means people will have to travel to each of these places and be there on time. I don't think I mentioned that my fiancé and I have already compromised and we are having ALL of his brothers and sisters in the wedding (8 total on his side, not including my friends and family I want standing on my side.) Since his brothers and sisters are in the wedding party that means that they have to take care of them on top of having the responsibility of being a bridesmaid and groomsmen and being prompt on the big day.

I just honestly feel that this type of event is not appropriate for young children. I don't think it's unreasonable to request that children are allowed at the ceremony and if I must compromise, then maybe cutting off kids at a certain time at the reception (thanks for the suggestion Chastity.) I've just seen first hand kids constantly crying, running around, being disruptive during speeches, begging parents that they want to go home, and the list goes on (I know because I've been a bridesmaid 12 different times and a wedding guest more times than I can count.)

Thanks to those who might understand. I just needed a place to vent and get some feedback (good or bad), so I can look for a better way to bring up my issue/concerns without my fiancé and MIL without them getting defensive about this.

We are having a kid free wedding because 1) our venue is not suited to children (steep stairs, near the ocean etc) and 2) we are paying for it and that's what we decided. We are a little older so our kids are adults (21) and we aren't having a bridal party so we didn't have to consider children of participants. The few friends of mine that have kids aren't stressed about getting a sitter and are looking forward to a night out....

I think our reasoning is more about safety and wanting to be able to enjoy the company of our friends without worrying about kids getting hurt than anything else. I think that if we were younger and had more close friends/bridal party/relatives with young children then we would have chosen a different venue and had them there. The videographer should be shooting what you ask them to shoot if that is your worry.

This no kids at the wedding has been my issued for about a year already. It got bad like two weeks ago when the wedding invitations were sent out because on the invite it says "Adult Reception to follow". His mother had made such a huge issue about her nieces not coming to the wedding. She was harassing me and my fiance. She was very nasty to my fiance. She said that she will disowned him and her and the family would not go to the wedding. My Future MIL is very big on guilt trips. She does it all the time. Me and my fiance agreed on no kids from day one. The extra cost and the kids running around we did not want. I let my fiance handle it because its his mother and he need to stand up to her and his family. He stood up to them and that was it. We are paying for the wedding and they should respect our wishes. I was being completely fair. No kids from both sides.

If no kids is what you invisioned then i suggest you to stick to your guns. I rather not have flowers or a bridal party than to have kids. Ive been to at least 20 wedding with my fiances (all his friends) some had children and some didnt. The ones who had children was chaos. Kids running all over the dance floor, doing flips and etc. I want everyone to have a good time and enjoyed themselves. Im not spending thousands of dollars to have kids all over the place thats just my opinion.

I dont think so at all. I didnt want kids of my reception either but my FH said no way. That too many of his family members would not be able to come if we did that and it was dumb. I feel the same way you do, they steal the show and they are always running around unattended because their parents are having a good time. I lost this battle too, maybe you can win yours!

You sound like a real peach. If you expect 8 of his siblings to be at your beck and call and on time for every little thing, you are in for a rude awakening. Your reasoning for not having children is ridiculous. It is not only about you, it is about you and your FH. By your responses and posts, you sound super controlling and demeaning, or maybe you are just grumpy today?

Regardless, I think you can come to a meeting ground. How about you provide a babysitter at the venue? That way the parents can have access to their children but they will be entertained in another room?

I didn't mean to make you feel like you were being bashed, It wasn't my intention. I just don't understand, I guess. I mean, I agree every parent needs a break, and go out with out the kids once in a while, but I've always thought of weddings and receptions as family events. One wedding I remember going to, the bride did a 'all the kids' dance... it was all the kids and just her. Everybody had fun.

So, sorry, I didn't mean to come across as bashing, I just don't understand not including kids in a family event. That's all.

Whether a wedding reception is the "time and place for kids" is a subjective opinion, not fact. So just understand that your opinion and your FH's opinions are just that - opinions. Neither one of you are necessarily right or wrong on that.

That being said, I do have a couple points I want to make:

1) Just because alcohol is around doesn't mean kids have to be excluded. I also have a church wedding and an open bar and a bunch of kids are probably coming, our nieces and nephews included. I think it's actually good for kids to be around adults drinking responsibly, because it shows them that alcohol does not necessarily equal drunken orgy. There's nothing inherently inappropriate with alcohol being around kids.

2) Whether wedding receptions tend to be kid-free or with kids is very dependent on the social circle and family circle. I've been to approximately a gazillion weddings and I've NEVER been to one that excluded children, and it's never been a noticeable problem that there were kids. It sounds like this is your FH's experience as well. You're going to come across as extremely cold-hearted if you keep digging your heels in on this. You're conveying the message that your "vision" is more important than having his close family members there.

3) There are alternatives, but it depends on how your FH's family would feel about it. Hiring a babysitter for the evening and only allowing the nieces and nephews might be a good option. Any of his siblings who want to drop their kids off in that room could then do so, but they could still join the tables for the meal, for example.

Best of luck and keep us posted!

At one of my office Christmas parties they had the guests sign up for a 'sitter', they hired out another room at the place they had the party and the kids had pizza, coloring books and crayons, games, movies... And then they hired a bunch of sitters to over see the kids.

Okay so yes I get the reasoning because adults will be drinking and etc. Sounds better than them stealing the spotlight. I am not having kids for that reason and other reasons. I have had my MOH and FSIL thank me for not including kids so they can have an adult night. And no I am not providing a babysittter at the venue. ETA: Im not only saying they should be excluded because of drinking. In my family we just don't have kids at weddings has always been the case.

You are welcome @brittany! hope you get everything worked out.

I'm not a fan of kids either, so I understand. They tend to roll on the floor, bounce all over and cry at the wrong times. More importantly, they will not likely remember sharing your big day.

However, your marriage is about compromise. Maybe set an age limit, direct your photo and video crew, or something that gives your husband what he wants. Compromise.

This is your fiancé's wedding as much as it is yours. You two need to find a compromise, since it sounds like you've both decided you want opposite things. You are embarking on a long life of compromise-- this is a great chance to practice. Maybe you could hire a baby sitter, so kids could be at the ceremony but split for the reception? Maybe tell your photographer/videographer how much you do NOT want them focusing on the kids.... FWIW, I went to my baby brother's wedding last year-- at least 7 kids around, and I hardly noticed them.

I'm only having the children from my wedding at the reception which are my nieces and nephews. If children stress a big part of his family at least compromise and maybe set some stipulations like an age or there until a certain time. Even give the children some activities to occupy their time so they're not in the way

I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm torn between allowing kids or not at our wedding. At my cousins wedding a couple months ago there were kids, and even though we all had a blast, you would see the parents taking turns keeping an "eye" on the kids and taking care of them. I feel like no matter what anyone wants to admit, when you are at a wedding you want to have a good time with all the adults and not have to worry about where people's children are wandering off to.

The only kids that we're having at our reception are the 4 that are in our bridal party. If we started inviting other children our guest list would be through the roof and unfortunately that just isn't in our budget. It has nothing to do with them "stealing attention", it's strictly budget. If you are paying for your wedding, then I think it's fine to put your foot down on the "no kids" thing. It's common and happens a lot. If families don't understand, then they don't come. If your parents or your FH's parents are contributing then you have to come up with some sort of compromise.

No kids at my wedding. FH's family have given us a lot of grief over this, and are threatening not to come. I have TONS of little cousins and I am a very proud Auntie but I simply do not want kids to be there---there will be a lot of drinking and horsing around so it is no place for children to be anyways. If they decide not to come because of that, then that's their choice. I'm not altering my day because people want to bring their children.

I still maintain that everyone else knows total shit parents, because I said it before the wedding, and it's the same after - every single child was well-behaved, sat and ate at their seat, danced adorably, and were generally awesome, with not one issue at all.

And Janeen beat me to it.

We're both adamant that we have children at our wedding. FMIL wanted us to only have our daughter and nieces/nephews so she could invite more friends. We both love children and couldn't imagine having our wedding without the kids present. Every wedding we've been to for family and friends the children were well behaved, adorable, and the parents had no problem keeping an eye on them. It's your FH's wedding too, and it still just seems like your more concerned with the possibility of having to share the spotlight.