i don't want her invited to the bridal shower

As the bride you should have final say over the guest list. Suggest to your hosts that you don't want her there.

Depending on how long they've been together, I think it's important to consider that this woman may actually end up being your sister-in-law in the future. If you don't believe they'll be together for the long-run then you are totally within your rights to not invite her to the wedding. If you aren't inviting her to the wedding though, you absolutely cannot invite her to the shower. That etiquette is pretty universal. If you feel like extending a gesture towards her though, remember that your wedding day will be the busiest day of your life. There's a high chance you won't even have the chance to speak to her if she attends. Just something to keep in mind!

One of the few absolute rules of showers is that because you are supposed to give a second gift, one in addition to the wedding gift you give, the only people who should be invited are the very closest of the bride's personal friends and family. It is outright rude to ask for a second gift of a person who does not much like the bride. Groomsmen's girlfriends, FI's friend's wives or girlfriends, are not invited unless they are also extremely close to the bride. What your sister wants to do is not polite, and any etiquette source or book will say so.

Definitely let her know so there isn’t any awkwardness or confusion, but if she’s not invited to the wedding then she shouldn’t be invited to the shower anyways!

They can't invite anyone who is not invited to the wedding. So she isn't invited to the shower, anyway.

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You literally know nothing about her life or the bad blood between them or why she's not invited. Rude or not it's none of your business and she did not once ask for feedback about whether or not to invite this girl to the wedding. Every time I see your sloth profile pic in these forums you literally never have anything positive to say. You're constantly just judging people and it's toxic.

View Quoted Comment It’s not rude if that’s the way her and her fiancé want it. Maybe it’s a Budget thing. Your guest count is the one true indicator of how much money you’re spending. More peeps=more cash. I don’t think it’s rude not to include this girl if she hasn’t been around for a long time. If she’s been around for several years then yeah her feelings may be hurt. But it’s not like she is his fiancé or wife.

My FH and I made a "plus one" rule for friends/family. They need to be married/engaged or living together. We did this for a few reasons but the main one is to keep the guest list at a reasonable and affordable number of people. With that said, if you can implement that "rule" and she doesn't fall into any of those to make her a plus one, it gives you what I honestly think is a reasonable explanation or reason for not inviting her.

If that doesn't work, I am all for it being yours and your FH's day and you shouldn't have to be worrying about a guest ruining such a special thing for you.

Also, you could tell them you want a more intimate/smaller shower that only involves the guests you are extra close to.

Good luck, I hope you are able to have the wedding of your dreams and my response doesn't come off too harsh.

I’d agree with the comments about providing her a list of the females invited to the wedding and having her invite from there

This is totally within your right to not invite her to both. Tell them she's not on the list!

It’s about you and your fiancé. It is not being a diva to be honest. I am personally having a small wedding and small bridal party because I only want the people I genuinely care about around me for that day. Do what makes you happy.

You should definitely let the ones hosting the shower know that she isn’t invited to the wedding. Typically if you’re not invited to the wedding you wouldn’t be invited to the shower. Just let them know. I’m having no hand in my bridal shower, my sister is throwing it, but I’m the one giving her a guest list, so I would say you should do the same.

This is your shower and your wedding. You can can invite or not invite anyone you wish to.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this in general, but if the host of the event has had a history of conflict then I wouldn’t invite him/her.

If she isn't invited to the wedding then she shouldn't be invited to the shower. How does FH feel about not inviting his brother's gf to his wedding?