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Just Said Yes October 2020

i asked my best friend to be my moh without the responsibilities and she said no.... struggling

Aimee, on July 24, 2020 at 10:42 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 21
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I asked my best friend to be my MOH. My wedding is going to be a Covid wedding all outdoors. We will be providing masks for everyone. My mother, aunt, and future sister in law are doing all planning with me. Her invitation was as an honored guest only. She told me no via text message claiming that the virus was really messing with her head, more than she thought. I understood this, but am very hurt. I know she has been a MOH, maybe she is tired of doing it? IDK, but it is making it hard for me to push forward with our friendship.


Fast forward 3 weeks, my fiancee may have had the virus and we are waiting on tests. Her husband invites us over to hang out and we are clear that we do not know if we have it. He and she are both OK with us coming over. I just don't understand.


I would appreciate any advice.

21 Comments

Latest activity by kahlcara, on July 25, 2020 at 5:52 PM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    She won’t be attending the wedding either? Or she just doesnt wanna be MOH is all?
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    Declining to be your MOH doesn't make her a bad friend and in no way means that you should end the friendship. Your feelings are valid and you have every right to be disappointed, but she didn't do anything wrong.

    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    I would be direct with her and tell her what you've written here.

    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    I think your options are either to feel disappointed and move on, or talk to her about it. If she’s your best friend, you should be able to tell her how you feel and let her explain why she said no. I don’t think refusing to be MOH is a reason to end a friendship. My best friend and I have been friends for almost 20 years and if she had declined to be my MOH I would have been disappointed, but I know she’s got a lot on her plate right now and I wouldn’t take it personal.
    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    I can't say I'd be upset if my friend declined as MOH due to covid. She said it's messing with her head and I can understand that. You are trying to live life normally and in the back of your mind are all these thoughts. I don't think I'd end a friendship over that.

    As for the dinner invitation; remember it's one thing to to be present with a group of people and be present with just two others.

    I'm by no means saying what you're feeling is wrong, I'm just saying put yourself in her shoes. And maybe there is more to this than she's letting on. Maybe if financial difficulties, being in someone's wedding is a (big) financial obligation, even if you think you went more economical in your choices.

    • Reply
  • A
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Aimee ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    She has not committed to attending the wedding. She just dodges the question. Regardless, I am still inviting her and keeping my fingers crossed.

    • Reply
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I agree with the other posters on here that I don’t think it makes her a bad friends because even without Covid there’s a lot that goes into being someone’s bridal party that people just don’t really wanna deal with. I feel like if I was asked to be in a bridal party it would really depend on who is asking me so I definitely wouldn’t say yes to everyone.I can see how youre hurt because you kind of expect them to want to do it out of being your friend and then taking a role of being supportive but just remember that they can still be all of that without having a title.
    • Reply
  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
    • Flag
    I would tell her how you feel. I was in a similar situation. My MOH was very scared of COVID to the point she was physically sick with nerves in her everyday life, it got that bad. She said she would come to my ceremony, but not reception. I could see COVID really upset her (both of us are at the same mental health job) and she worried about getting sick, but would still invite her "fling"over to her house etc. Our friendship ended over covid and she didnt come to my wedding. All I can say is that covid really showed me peoples true colors.
    • Reply
  • Mindy
    Super November 2020
    Mindy ·
    • Flag
    That really sucks. I kind of understand what you’re feeling though. It is hard when your best friend sends mixed messages.


    My maid of honor lives in Colorado and I live in coastal Virginia where our wedding will be taking place in November. She has hinted that if the cases across the area (where she lives, where most of our guests are coming from and where we are) don’t decline, that she will not be in attendance. It’s already sad enough that she said that she’s probably going to plan the bridal and bachelorette parties but not attend due to the cost of flying at this point. I totally understand her reasons, but I feel like every time I turn around she’s not so subtly hinting that I should postpone my wedding.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    I'm not sure what you mean her invitation was as an honored guest only. That seems really confusing to me. While it is okay to be disappointed, I would try not to let this effect your relationship with her because I definitely think it is understand why she might not be comfortable with being in a wedding right now.
    • Reply
  • A
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Aimee ·
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    Did you stop being friends with her because she was not your MOH, or for other reasons?

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  • Laura
    Savvy September 2021
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    I have to agree with the others posters in that her declining the MOH invitation and not being as involved/excited about the wedding is no reason to end a friendship. We are all going through such crazy and unprecedented times. I had to postpone my wedding twice already and I do not expect anyone to have our wedding on our minds (granted it is not until next summer, but still). I think it might even be beneficial for you to reach out to her to ask how you can help her clear her head. COVID can really wreck havoc on your life and she could be dealing with issues much more serious than you might think. It is okay to be disappointed but keep the big picture in mind.

    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    I'm kind of surprised by everyone else's responses.

    If she's worried about covid, okay. But then how is she okay having OP's fiance over when they've outright said "he might have covid"? It's one thing if he was fine, but if he has reason to believe he had the virus and had gotten tested...if the friend is worried about covid, she should be worried about being exposed to OP's FI.

    • Reply
  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Other reasons. Her behavior became nervous, and nasty. She wasnt nice to me or others. Other coworkers noted her behavior as well. I understood her concerns for not wanting to be around because of the virus, we had several family members not attend. Our friendship ended because I didnt like how she acting towards me and being rude
    • Reply
  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Honestly now that I reflect prob both, because once covid hit she just stopped communicating with me about the wedding and it disappointed me with how she was acting. I get that the pandemic is serious, but to drop your friend and show me a side I've never seen before, was eye opening
    • Reply
  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
    • Flag
    Due to CVIOD I wouldn't be mad ....i would be disappointed but not hurt
    • Reply
  • Marcia
    Expert March 2021
    Marcia ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    This 100%. Imo something must be going on with the friend outside of covid
    • Reply
  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
    • Flag

    If you feel you need to have a conversation with her about this, tread carefully. Don't "confront" her! My cousin already suffers from severe depression and Covid has really affected her badly. It doesn't help that she lives alone and has chronic health issues that put her at greater risk. She's increased her therapy sessions from once every two weeks to 2-3 times a week to deal with it all. It's taking a terrible toll on millions mentally.

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  • Sinaya
    Devoted August 2022
    Sinaya ·
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    Ok I thought it was just me! lol I was thinking the same exact thing. It's like everyone is ignoring the fact that the OP's FH may have/had COVID and the friend is ok with him coming over. I get that the pandemic is taking a toll on people mentally, but come on now. She's scared to attend the wedding which is outdoors but will have someone who potentially has COVID in her house? This makes no sense and makes me raise a brow.

    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Savvy October 2021
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Same thinking here! This is very strange to me - if there is a high change your FH did have COVID inviting you both to the home is such a HUGE gamble. If it is affecting her like she says this wouldn't even be an option to have you over for a casual get together imo. This doesn't make sense to me either, but if you are close friends maybe give her the benefit of the doubt. With such conflicting information though, I think you at least deserve to get a more definitive answer.

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