Victoria
Just Said Yes October 2020

i am my sisters moh and my boyfriend of 7 years isn’t invited.

Victoria, on October 14, 2019 at 4:03 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 23
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Hi Wedding Wire —

My sister is having a destination wedding in Montego Bay Jamaica November 2020. 80 guests.

My my question is how to deal with the fact that I’ve been asked to be MOH and my sister has let me know that my boyfriend of 7 years is NOT invited. Invites went out and he’s not on the list.

As far as I know the other two bridal party people have plus ones. My sister has given me many excuses from not enough wedding spots/rooms to her needing all of my attention as the MOH. She even said that my boyfriend doesn’t typically go to family events (I.e. thanksgiving — because he spends it with his family) so why would she invite him if he’s not going to show up.

anyways my mum is being no help and is taking my sisters side. And her fiancé is of the option of whatever the bride wants she gets. I believe he is the person who has Poisoned my sister against my boyfriend because there were no issues before he entered the picture two years ago.

Not it sure how to handle this has anyone been though this before?

as of now I’m sharing a free room with my mum (I’d happily pay for my own room if my boyfriend and I were sharing one) but since he’s not invited should I also expect them to pay for my flight and MOH dress?

Thanks


p.s. my sister invited two of my single ex boyfriends to the wedding. so space really isn’t the issue she just doesn’t care for my boyfriend.

23 Comments

  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    I would be inclined to decline--being MOH, or even attending the wedding. If she is refusing to honor your relationship, why should you honor hers?

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  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    If it were me, I’d step out of the wedding and decline attending. If people can’t respect my relationship, I don’t spend my hard earned money being there for their relationship. Your sister has expressed where she stands when it comes to your boyfriend and now you need to figure out if that’s something you’re willing to put up with.
    • Reply
  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    I agree with PP's, I would not be interested in being MOH at that point. That's incredibly rude and disrespectful to you and your boyfriend. I would just give her a simple "thanks but no thanks", that's ridiculous.

    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Rockstar August 2020
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag

    I just wouldn't go. It's rude of her to do that. Especially the fact that she's ok with inviting your exes but not your current? That would be a hard pass for me.

    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    I agree with PP's as well. I'd either decline, or honestly, just tell them that my BF is coming - period. (I wouldn't do that with a friend, but absolutely would with my sister). I wouldn't want to go on vacation without my SO, so he could at least join you for that - they can't say no.

    • Reply
  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
    • Flag
    This is extremely rude of her and she knows it. I personally wouldn’t even go.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    If my brother did this (he wouldn't, but hypothetically), I wouldn't be in the wedding nor would I attend.

    • Reply
  • Cristy
    Rockstar May 2020
    Cristy ·
    • Flag

    This goes against all rules of etiquette. Anyone in a relationship is considered a social unit, and should be invited to events together, as a couple. My FH wouldn't accept any invitation that I was not included on, and neither would I.

    I would talk with your sister about this some more. If she isn't willing to invite him, I would consider declining being MOH, and even attending at all. She doesn't have to like your boyfriend to do the right thing. She probably won't notice if he's there or not, but she should not ask you to travel to her destination wedding alone. That's just wrong.

    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Devoted December 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag

    I know everyone says to just back out. And honestly, part of me wants to say that too. But I know sometimes it's not easy to do when it's family. I feel like part of this story is missing though. What possible reason could your future brother in law have for "poisoning" your sister against your boyfriend? Has your boyfriend done something to disrespect you, your sister, or her fiance? I know sometimes families are just crazy but I've found that usually there's a reason why the family doesn't like someone. Also, is your sister paying for everyone to attend this wedding? If she is fully funding it and paying for everyone's flights and stays that's one thing. However, she can't keep your boyfriend from going to a resort. If he wanted to go, then you two pay for your room and he doesn't have to attend the actual wedding if that's the issue.

    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Expert June 2020
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    Ask her how she would feel if you were the bride and she were the MOH and you gave her husband the boot.

    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag

    While reading your post, I was thinking I would just go along with going to the wedding until I got to the part about her inviting 2 of your ex-boyfriends. I would decline if that's going to be the case. To me that's even more rude than not inviting your current boyfriend.

    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Hi Hannah, thank you for your response unfortunately it’s a pissing contest and a very long story but basically he’s jealous and wants to be top dog. He has made up some very terrible things about my boyfriend that are horribly untrue. My family tends to crucify men as we had a domestic violence upbringing so there are many factors but basically everything started about a year ago when he started getting competitive
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn’t attend the wedding at all. How disrespectful.
    • Reply
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
    • Flag
    That’s inexcusably rude. I’m not a fan of ultimatums but in this case I’d be saying that he attends or you don’t.
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    Also I should state that this wedding should I attend is completely on my own dime. I may get to share a free room with my mum if enough people book their rooms in advance but as far as flights, MOH dresses, etc that’s on me.

    It is an all inclusive adults only resort that covers food, domestic alcohol and non motorized water sports
    • Reply
  • 8BitBek
    Devoted October 2020
    8BitBek ·
    • Flag
    I think both your sister and FBIL are being very disrespectful towards your relationship. I wouldn't go or have any part in it if it were me.
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    The other part of this is even if they post invited him now. No way would he accept because he won’t go where he’s not wanted. He’s been very gracious about all of this even though his heart is broken. He’s been her big brother for 7 years and up until my sisters fiancé came into the picture they had a very close relationship— so I’m not even sure what I want out of this. Is an apology enough because we haven’t gotten one. And even if we did I don’t think that’s enough.
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Devoted December 2019
    Hannah ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    After reading all your responses, I really don’t think an apology would be enough. I think they are being incredibly rude and the petty part of me wants to tell you to go on a vacation to that resort with your boyfriend and not even acknowledge the wedding at all. But part of me also wants to tell you to think about it from your sisters point of view. Selfish as it may be. If your boyfriend and you were getting married and he couldn’t stand your sisters boyfriend (for whatever reason) and really didn’t want him at the wedding, what would you do? It sounds like she’s stuck. Regardless of how rude and selfish it is, in that situation I really think she’s not doing it to hurt you, but to make her fiancé happy.😕 also are the ex boyfriends friends of theirs that just happen to be your exes?
    • Reply
  • Laura
    Rockstar October 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree 100%

    • Reply
  • Sara
    Expert October 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    My sister did the same thing at her wedding. She said she didn’t want him there and she didn’t know him that well. By that point we were only together for a year. She is never around so she doesn’t get to be around my boyfriend who is now my husband. He was really bummed but he also had final exam that week so he couldn’t gone anyway. I was just upset that she didn’t take the time to think how this would upset me. I also was in her wedding party. My mom told me I was maid of honor and my sister said why would she be my maid of honor. My best friend is moh. I just got over and enjoyed the week in the Bahamas.
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