Talia
Super October 2020

Hypocritical much?

Talia, on September 10, 2020 at 8:27 AM

Posted in Community Conversations 39

I know we are in a pandemic but this is what ticks me off. Our wedding is in 30 days and people are declining to come to our wedding because of their fear of covid. I totally get it. But don't get caught posting on Facebook or Instagram for being at the beach/being around a ton of people or going on...

I know we are in a pandemic but this is what ticks me off. Our wedding is in 30 days and people are declining to come to our wedding because of their fear of covid. I totally get it. But don't get caught posting on Facebook or Instagram for being at the beach/being around a ton of people or going on a vacation for a week. That just isn't right at all. I just had to vent a little about it. People shouldn't be so hypocritical.

39 Comments

  • B
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Brooke ·
    • Flag

    I couldn't agree more! I had family that came to my bridal shower but are declining to my wedding. Its frustrating especially when they were already surrounded with others that will be at the wedding.

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  • Talia
    Super October 2020
    Talia ·
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    I feel for people who have health problems or someone close to them does and has a legit fear for this virus. I'm very understanding about that. Our dads have health issues and our grandmothers are older. They're attending but I'm worried for them but they know how to socially distance. Everyone will have a mask. Everyone is going to be at a table with their household. I'm just not for the excuses of covid and then seeing stuff on socials. I would be fine with a simple no. Everyone has something going on in their personal life. I'm understanding for a lot of things in life.

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  • Talia
    Super October 2020
    Talia ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Yup! Exactly my point. It's so weird. Others are taking this as I don't have compassion or something. They've also been around each other for other events prior to my shower and leading up to my wedding.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    I don't mean this to sound mean, but for me what I am willing to do or not do also is heavily influenced by my motivation and how much I think I can control potential risks -- basically, I do a "risk/reward" analysis. For example, we hadn't seen an extremely close family member in more than 6 months. In order to see her, I had to fly -- something that I definitely understand the potential risk involved. Ultimately, because I was highly motivated (like, how much is "living life" worth if I cannot be with a person who is extremely important to me?), we decided to go. We paid more to ensure we had a direct flight and were seated in a way that reduced our exposure to other travelers. I literally didn't remove my mask or glasses, get out of my seat or touch anything for the entire flight. I felt extremely anxious about the whole thing, but was willing to do it because it was the only way to physically spend time with someone I am extremely close to. However, we've also been invited to events for less close family members that involved similar travel and we had no problem declining. I don't mean to be rude, but their event just wasn't worth the risk to me. I love and care for them, but not enough to take the risks involved so we declined and sent a gift.

    At the same time, for past 6 months, except for that one trip, I haven't really gone anywhere except for essential shopping, medical appointments, etc. It's not like I'm hanging out at the beach or in restaurants in my free time, so I get why people behaving that way might see disingenuous and upsetting to you. Hang in!

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    I feel your pain. Take is all with a grain of salt. At least they are telling you.

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  • Talia
    Super October 2020
    Talia ·
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    I don't see you being mean or rude. I for sure understand that. I work everyday in an office, go to the grocery store every week, and a department store here and there on the weekends. I do see my family every week and FH family. These people are first cousins that you would expect to be there. While all being local ,except 2 who would have to travel by plane. If you have to fly I wouldn't expect you to come and appreciate you answering our RSVP. That is so risky I agree. If I had to do that I wouldn't go either. Hey I'm fine with just a simple no or a simple "we would love to be there but we can't make it." . I just don't care for excuses. The less people the better at this point.

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  • Talia
    Super October 2020
    Talia ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Yep! Definitely trying to thanks! True, just crossing my fingers for nobody not showing up the day of.

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  • Bethany
    Dedicated October 2021
    Bethany ·
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    I disagree. I can definitely imagine how frustrating it must be to have people decline due to covid then seemingly turn around and go to other events so I'm not invalidating that. But at the same time, weddings are something we don't have much control over. In terms of covid that means you're going with the flow and hoping precautions have been taken. I went to a wedding last weekend and it was 60 people, almost none were wearing masks at any point. Not inside, not outside. The venue didn't enforce it, there were no signs sitting out, no announcements made. People had flown in from at least 3 different states. Now I'm willing to take the risk (which is why we went) but I can understand why someone wouldn't be.

    On the other hand, I went to OCMD a few weeks ago and it was not crowded at all. There were 10+ feet between us and others on the beach. We ate at an outdoor restaurant once but could have skipped that it we wanted to. We otherwise stayed at the condo with immediate family. I'm definitely more concerned about having contracted covid from the wedding than I was coming home from the beach.

    The best advice I can give you is try not to take it personally, know that people are doing the best they can and covid sucks for us all.

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Not to burst a bubble, expect upto 10% - sadly it's not uncommon. I pray they all show up, but be prepared.

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  • Katelyn
    Savvy May 2017
    Katelyn ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Catlyn and Hanna, MOB So Cal, and Bethany. Weddings are proven super spread events, whereas in DC only 1% of new cases have been traced back to restaurants. The rest of the cases are coming from social gatherings and workplaces. Hundreds of cases and three deaths were linked to one wedding in ME. A wedding is very different than going to a beach, restaurant, grocery or other store. One, eating a biological need and the only place to get food is to buy at it. Plus at least around me, everyone is wearing a mask. A grocery store trip lasts 30 minutes. At restaurants, masks are required when not eating, and we don't eat indoors if its crowded. Also, eating a restaurant takes 1.5 hours at the most. The ability of the virus to infect others depends on location (inside/outside), duration (i.e. time spend with an infected person), and wearing a mask. A wedding is almost always partially or entirely inside, for hours a time, and masks are not worn for long stretches (when eating, photos, etc.) Also, it involves dozens to a hundred+ people, some of whom have traveled, and most of time a guest has had no prior exposure to the other guests. Finally, wedding venues and brides (at least on this forum) have seemed reluctant to follow the precautions. (There are lots of posts about moving a wedding to a state or county with fewer restrictions, celebrating the fact that a venue won't enforce a state mask mandate, and generally encouraging brides to flout restrictions or recommending ways to avoid them). Plus, a variety of states require folks to quarantine after traveling to other states. Attending a wedding with 25+ guests does simply not carry the same risk as other activities.

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  • Haley
    Savvy July 2022
    Haley ·
    • Flag
    Y E S! Many are using COVID as an excuse to get out of events they don’t want to attend while attending other large gatherings 🙄 really ticks me off too. Many guests that no showed to my engagement party did this.
    It’s hard to enjoy something when close loved ones don’t show. Try to enjoy it with those who did follow through and attended though. I’m sorry this pandemic has turned everything upside down. It’s difficult and you have every right to be upset. I really hope things turn around and you get the celebration of your dreams!
    • Reply
  • Kate
    Devoted August 2020
    Kate ·
    • Flag
    Yes to this post!! I dealt with this with several people for our wedding. The worst of the culprits....My uncle played a gig with his band at a crowded bar a week before my wedding, and my good friend posted photos of her attending a derby party last week...no mask or distancing or anything. Both of them didn’t come to our wedding “because of Covid.” It’ll take me some time to get over the hypocrisy tbh.
    • Reply
  • Sabrina
    Dedicated September 2020
    Sabrina ·
    • Flag
    As one bride said people are using COVID as an excuse. My FH family is doing that for everything. It is quite rude. FSIL isn't coming because her fear of COVID yet she hangs out with her family all the time and her family goes to restaurants for outdoor dining. Hypocrites!! It can be quite frustrating especially when you are inviting very specific people due to COVID.


    Good luck!
    • Reply
  • L
    Expert September 2020
    ·
    • Flag
    So I completely understand how frustrating this whole thing is. My wedding was cancelled completely by my venue due to Covid and we went through hell and back before that trying to make it work with them. However, you cannot get upset at people’s choices right now. When they decide to do something on their own personal time, they have control over the precautions they take. When they attend someone else’s events, they are unable to control those things. I have a wedding to go to next weekend and I am completely uncomfortable with going. Like I said, I understand how much this sucks. But if you choose to have a wedding right now, you have to understand people should not have to sacrifice their comfort for you.
    • Reply
  • Alessandra
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Alessandra ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Seriously, being at the beach with people in your bubble at least 20 feet away from other beachgoers is way different than being at a wedding where you’re almost guaranteed to be within 6 feet of dozens of guests coming from who knows where.
    • Reply
  • Alessandra
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Alessandra ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Not that accurate. I was at a Jersey beach around 4th of July and there was PLENTY of room to socially distance from other beachgoers.
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Dedicated November 2020
    Heather ·
    • Flag

    Girl, I feel you so much on this! My best friend ghosted me and when I finally got a reseponse she told me I was irresponsible for not postponing. We are no longer friends simply because i don't want to lose thousands of dollars on postponing. Sooooo irritating.

    • Reply
  • Harmony
    Dedicated June 2021
    Harmony ·
    • Flag

    The good news is that you are still far enough out that you can save money on catering and all that fun (expensive) stuff!

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    All of these events have different risks. I personally feel fine in small groups with trusted friends outdoors. I don't feel comfortable going into a retail establishment without a mask on, or closely interacting with people I don't know. I will not dine indoors in a restaurant or drink at a bar. Even for those I know and trust, I'm not hugging them or sharing drinks with them.

    You're looking at this as people bailing on your wedding but going into other "high risk" situations but not everyone perceives risk the same way and not everyone is in the same position going to your wedding. For me, how well I know the person, how likely it is I believe that they have similar Covid precautions that I do, what their job/lifestyle is like, where they live and work, whether I see them indoors or out, what the activity is, if we have masks on, etc all affects how willing I am to interact with them. If I don't know a person, I know nothing about how serious they are about Covid, whether they have good hygiene, what contact risk their job puts them at, etc, so I am unlikely to potentially endanger myself by interacting with them any more than necessary.

    You likely know all/most of the guests you are inviting, but there are probably guests invited who know few other people at your wedding. Maybe your wedding is indoors and you have guests who are firm believers in the virus fighting properties UV light and fresh air. Maybe people have to travel to your wedding, or it's just far enough away that they'd want to spend the night in a hotel and don't feel comfortable with doing that just yet. Maybe they're all about hanging out with strangers but refuse to do so without masks on, including the eating and drinking that usually happens at weddings. Maybe they've gained 20 lbs in quarantine and don't have any nice clothes that fit and are too afraid to go shopping. Maybe they aren't too worried about Covid for them but feel some serious guilt about going to an event where there may be elderly or vulnerable folk because they are just choosing to live their best life and not take precautions, but they understand that Covid is real and is dangerous. Or maybe they're "independent freedom of choice" thumping individuals that refuse to wear a darn mask because they don't want the government encroaching on their liberties and don't want to comply with the precautions you have in place.

    I think the best you can do is explain all of the precautions you are going to be taking to keep your guests safe and ultimately respect (or accept) whatever decision they make in the end.

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