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Jai
VIP May 2020

Husband with alcohol problem

Jai, on May 2, 2021 at 7:07 PM

Posted in Married Life 44

I've made several posts about this topic and I feel like on here I can vent, get sound feedback, and not be judged. Last night I hit my breaking point. My husband went out to a bar with his friend; I was fine with that, he came home around 1am and communicated perfectly. When he comes in, I see he...
I've made several posts about this topic and I feel like on here I can vent, get sound feedback, and not be judged. Last night I hit my breaking point. My husband went out to a bar with his friend; I was fine with that, he came home around 1am and communicated perfectly. When he comes in, I see he doesn't look good. He looks sick. He lays on our bedroom floor, crawls to our bathroom, then throws up in our trashcan. I take care of him; get him water, Gatorade, throw out the trash bag and give him mouthwash. I decided this morning to talk to him. He tells me he had 7 beers in 2.5 hours last night, drove home (supposedly fine), and had 2 beers before leaving for the bar at our home, so 9 beers total. I told him that his drinking made him sick. He swears something else made him sick. He apologized and said he would drink less in social situations. What upsets me, is that every time he goes out with a friend socially he comes home drunk. At home he doesn't drink much but in social settings he's the life of the party. I don't know what to do anymore. I've contemplated leaving. We are in couples therapy. He swears he doesn't have a drinking problem and when I talk to him about it he becomes upset. I'm starting to believe that his drinking will destroy our marriage. I'm at the point where I'm even unsure if anything will fix it at this point. It'll be one year May 16 2021.

44 Comments

  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    “Just keep loving harder.” As someone who very recently lost a family member to alcoholism, this statement is ignorant. She’s already said her husband refuses to acknowledge this problem and just goes on the defensive when they discuss it in counseling. Loving someone harder doesn’t eliminate their addiction and it won’t make them get help. It can however destroy the person doing all the work in the relationship because they’ll constantly second guess if that person’s addiction or lack of ability to see it as such is their fault.
  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    THIS! OP, in no way will “loving your husband harder” make him not drink. Nor is it your responsibility to make him stop or carry all this weight. You cannot take on any sort of responsibility, blame, etc. for his choices. Until he realizes he has a problem and WANTS to get help, nothing you do is going to change him. The past 4 years have already proven that. And although you cannot be his savior, you can (and are being) his enabler. You are putting up with his behavior and sticking around. You are teaching him that there are no consequences for his actions.


  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Thank YOU. Perfect statement. And I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sure it isn't easy. Addiction is truly difficult to deal with.
  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Yep my therapist has told me that I'm in a codependent relationship.
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