Hurt friend, part 2

I'm sorry you're going through this. There isn't really much you can do other than tell her you don't want this to affect your relationship and care about her. See how she responds. If she doesn't go and her only reason is not being invited to the bachelorette then I feel like she doesn't care about your friendship as much as you do.

Sorry to hear about the situation. Unfortunately, if she's saying she doesn't want to go to the wedding, I'd let her make that decision. Is this friend involved in the wedding party? If not, I can't imagine why she'd be so distraught about not being involved or attending the bachelorette party. She seems a bit.. I don't know.. overly sensitive. Maybe she thought because she had known you for so long, she would have been involved in the wedding planning. I think a mistake on your part (and it was probably not on purpose) was telling this friend any information about your wedding, especially because she wasn't going to be invited to these events. If she is not coming to your wedding, all you can say is "I'll be missing you that day, I hope I'll be able to see you soon." You don't want to be sad in the days leading up to your wedding. By the way, how are your plans coming along? Your wedding is so soon!! Are you feeling excited, nervous? What's left to be done?

Sorry that you are dealing with this. I've also found that wedding things can bring out strange sides to people! My parents threw an engagement party for us and our bridal party- so that they could all get to know each other. I had 2 friends (who aren't in the bridal party) contact me afterwards that they were very hurt they weren't invited. Once I explained that it was just the bridal party.. 1 of them understood that, and the other 1 has all but ended our friendship. It's likely this person may have already been feeling distant from you and this was just something that set her off. I think that's what happened in my case.

All you can do is continue to be kind and friendly towards her and hope this is just an emotional blip she will get over. Otherwise, it might be easier not to have a relationship with someone who makes it about herself. Sometimes big events show you who your real friends are, I must admit.

View Quoted Comment Yes! What she said, “What about your friends”🎶...

It sounds like she’s upset that she was not in the Bridal party. I don’t have the facts as to why she is not a member.

View Quoted Comment Because there are three other women who I feel more emotionally connected to and completely accepted by.

So sorry you are feeling down about this. I do remember your post, and like I said before - weddings make people feel more entitled than they should. I still think you did your best to explain the situation and why you chose to keep what you did small and intimate. Just remember, you can't control anyone's actions but your own. Her decision is made and if she is choosing to end your friendship over something so minute, that is on her, not you.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do to change her mind. It also sounds like you've done all you can at this point. You shouldn't chase friends the same as you shouldn't chase a crappy boyfriend to make them stay in your life. It's awful you have to deal with this during one of the happiest times of your life and I hope she comes around before she chooses to end your friendship.

View Quoted Comment I understand.

I am going with people that were there for me when I was taking care of my Mom.

I had asked my 1st Cousin (early on) to serve food and she declined because she didn’t want to be handling food with a nice 👗 on.

That was fine.

Fastforward to last week where she had the unmitigated gall to say that she is “feeling some type of way because I didn’t ask her to participate”.

See above where I asked her to serve food.

I didn’t ask her to do anything else because I didn’t want to take very needed money out if her household. I didn’t ask her daughter to participate either. I also didn’t want to end up paying for her or the child to participate.

So, I just didn’t even respond to her foolishness.

I have my own bills, so if I know that you’re already struggling, why would I add on to that?!

View Quoted Comment

Hahha. I would have also declined serving food at a wedding. That isn't the same as asking someone to be a bridesmaid and partake in a ceremony. That is asking someone to work at your wedding while everyone else enjoys eating the food.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. She said that in addition to being really hurt, she doesn’t want to travel the distance (3.5 hours) and that she’d have to attend alone, as her partner is busy that day. I’m trying hard to be understanding of those reasons, but at the end of the day, I’m struggling to be okay with it.

View Quoted Comment She had agreed to do my makeup. Would check in about my planning every so often.

Plans are going pretty great! We’ve been able to get a lot done...together. That’s been special because this is my first wedding and I did about 80% of the planning myself for that.

View Quoted Comment Yeah. I agree that weddings bring out weirdness in people. After all of this, however, I feel less motivated to keep up with the friendship. It’ll take a lot of effort on her part to keep things up...at least that’s how I feel currently. 🤷🏾‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this reminder. You’re right; you shouldn’t chase people to stay in your life or to love you well.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. As the hurt dies down, I agree. I did my best. Perhaps my best wasn’t perfect, but it was my best. The folks closest to me trust that I seek to do my best and never intentionally want to hurt others. They seem able to extend forgiveness and understanding to me in a way this friend hasn’t, and would be able to move thru something like this with me in a much healthier way. For the time being, those are the friendships I want to invest in.

Just do you and enjoy your wedding you did nothing wrong by not inviting her to a wedding party function as she's not in the wedding. People make time, prioritize and make exceptions for whats important to them .

If your friendship is important she will be there if not you have your answer!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! You’re absolutely right!

View Quoted Comment

I think this answer is all you need. You know and have three beautiful women that love you and support you. Someone who makes your special day about themselves isnt someone that I think deserves to be a part of your bridal party and its not fair to you for her to make it about her and pull away from your friendship. You can only focus on the happiness, love, and support and its unfortunate she doesn't want to be apart of that.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. This is very helpful. ❤️

Girl bye. I'm sorry but I'm petty. Tell her I told you to say it. We could psychoanalyze her behavior all day, but long story short there has to be more to this than not being invited to the bachelorette party. There's something deep down inside that she is hurt about. Maybe she thinks you two are closer than what you really are or you're her only friend or maybe she is isn't the same person she was in 7th grade. Who knows?