How to uninvite a coworker that quit

LOL in all actuality, it is MY day. Mine and my FW. We can literally do whatever we'd like. First of all, a wedding, in itself, can be viewed as a selfless act. I'm paying a couple thousand dollars to throw a party for my friends to eat, drink, and be merry. I don't have to do that. So if I'm choosing to spend my money on other people, you'd better believe I have every right to get to choose who is invited and who isn't!

There's no rule that states that inviting everyone you've once said hello to is common courtesy. You are both reading WAY too far into what she is saying to begin with. She is not physically hurting this woman. She is obviously 1000% considering this woman's feelings or else she wouldn't be asking for advice. If you start taking the posts at face value and stop assuming everyone on here except for you is asinine, maybe you could look at the world from someone else's eyes for once.

Sharing different viewpoints constructively and belittling other women for their viewpoints are not the same thing. I'm not arguing over your different points of view. I'm just tired of the way that yall have been speaking to people. That's all.

Etiquette isn't based on viewpoint though. You can be upset about the delivery but, it makes no sense to come on and ask a question on the etiquette board and then get upset when someone tells you what proper etiquette is. I agree that there are people in the forums (usually past brides) who come off as harsh or blunt but, they are telling you proper etiquette, not an opinion in this case. If you do not want to know proper etiquette why come here to ask a question? I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to figure out what the real goal is when people come on to the etiquette board, ask an etiquette question and then get upset with the responses that they get explaining proper etiquette.

I'm not the OP. I didn't ask any questions. I'm not upset at all actually. Like I said in the previous post, I have no issues with people with differences of opinion. The definition of etiquette is as follows: the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group. By definition, it's an opinion on what should be customary in your social group. So what is proper for you, might not be proper for me. It's all a matter of perspective and, yes, opinion. However, there's no need to look down on other people's forms of etiquette.

Valid point about putting yourself in her shoes. But realistically, 3 months from now, if the two of them haven't spoke a word to each other, don't you think it's a little naive to assume that you would still be invited? If your only commonality was sitting in the same office as each other? OP implies that the feeling of not really getting along seemed mutual.

At the end of the day, everyone wants to go to a wedding. I'm experiencing that now. People that I meet in passing make comments like, "I can't wait to come to your wedding!" But I'm not going to be completely rude and be like, "Ummm I don't even know you. I just met you 30 minutes ago. So sorry but no." That's an awkward situation waiting to happen. To me, that's hurting someone's feelings unnecessarily.

This ex-coworker has her own life going on. The likelihood of her remembering or even asking about the wedding sounds slim to none based on the OP's description of the situation. That's all I'm saying.

I empathize with you! I was almost in the same situation! I have a co-worker, and we actually are close at work, but he is an 70 year old southern baptist man, and I am a foul mouth 30 year old and outside of work we are civil, but not social. I literally flipped a coin to decide if I should invite co-workers (sometimes they say when you can't pick flipping a coin will show you your true feelings), and the coin said yes and I was excited because there are lots of people who are fine, BUT he was the one that gave me the cartoon to *wah wah wah* music in my head... So i decided not to give STDs to them. A week later he told me he was retiring! So I don't have to worry about it come Nov 1st, but if I had given out the STDs I would have felt very obligated to invite him. I am sorry you are in the situation.

Forget the invite. If she really wants to come she'll probably call and ask for it and you can go from there. If she's offended, who cares? She's dead to you anyway

Personally, I would forego sending an invitation. I understand the etiquette that those who receive Save the Dates also, however, things happen. I had a falling out with a friend that lives out of state, who I also have not heard from in months, so I did not send her an invitation. I removed her from my guest list.

Especially if you have a tight budget, I wouldn't do it. I would doubt she's still expecting an invitation if you were never close and she no longer works with you. Good luck!

I 100% agree that chances are she won't be upset, if she isn't invited. it would be kind of crazy to expect her to come to the wedding, when you don't even talk to her. Like If someone said "Can't wait to see you at the wedding" but they left 3 months ago and I didn't get an invite, I wouldn't be too upset. I'd definitely just let it go. I'll be honest here, I have a friend who I was very close with for many years, and I was wildly hurt by her behavior, over and over again, she was an ex bridesmaid. She was sent a save the date, however we haven't spoken in like 2 months after she hurt me the last time, i did not send her an invitation. I am sure she will be upset, but I felt so betrayed I decided it was better if she didn't come, because she most likely would only disappoint me and bail like she has all the other times.

This is a situation you get yourself in when you send STDs and give people an invitation when you don't really want to. I understand how that could have been awkward, but there are any number of ways you could have avoided it in the first place, though that doesn't help you now. I'm personally grateful that I didn't opt for STDs due to budget, because I probably would have ended up with a much larger guest list than I wanted and could have handled.

You should send the invite. Hopefully, she'll let things fall with you fall by the wayside and she'll decline. If not, and she accepts, then there's another person celebrating your day. I'm sorry but it really doesn't come off that well to "uninvite" someone, and imagine how you would feel if it was the other way around.

You're right. That's exactly what I said.

I agree 100%

You can't "uninvite" someone. This is the chance you take inviting coworkers. Dynamics change quickly in the workplace!