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Just Said Yes September 2024

How to turn bridesmaids down? Help!

Hailey, on January 1, 2024 at 9:10 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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Hi there!!
I have 2 high school friends who I know will be hurt if I don’t have them in my bridal party. I do not plan on having them in my bridal party. We just aren’t as close as we used to be and I have a few other girls I would rather have stand by my side instead. How would you go about telling them they are not going to be a part of my bridal party and just wedding guests? I do know with one of the girls this is probably going to ruin our friendship a little.

I’m also debating about inviting them to my bachelorette party, but it’s a destination bach party so I feel it’s unlikely they will go unless they are in the wedding party.
Any advice or tips is appreciated!!

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Hailey, on January 2, 2024 at 6:18 AM

CM · on January 1, 2024 at 12:12 PM
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You don’t tell people you are not giving them an honor only those you are. It’s considered rude to tell someone why they are not invited to do sonething or be somewhere. It doesn’t sound as if the relationship is close enough these days for them to feel entitled to be in your wedding party. That said sides don’t have to be even if that’s your main concern.

You can invite anyone you like to your bachelorette. The fact that you think only bridal party would attend, presumably out of a sense of obligation, would have me reconsidering the idea of a destination event though.
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Legend July 2022
Lisa · on January 1, 2024 at 12:21 PM
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Have you already asked them to be in the wedding party? Or are you looking for a way to tell them that you won't be asking them to be in the wedding party?

If you've already asked them, there isn't a great way to undo that without risking damage to the friendship. If you haven't asked them to be bridesmaids, I wouldn't say anything to them it. If they ask you about it, you could tell them that you limited the number of people in your wedding party, and that you were not able to include everyone.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on January 1, 2024 at 5:01 PM
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There is no polite way to do this. In real life, most people don’t approach you to ask to be bridesmaids, nor do they get hurt when they are not asked. If they do bring up the topic, don’t entertain it and walk away or change the topic.
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Super January 2024
Andrea · on January 1, 2024 at 8:11 PM
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The best thing to do is just ask the girls you want to ask and not these two. There’s really no nice way to go up to someone and say “I don’t want you to be my bridesmaid.” No one should assume they will be until they’re asked. You should only say something if they directly ask you or say they’re in the wedding.

You can invite anyone you want to the bachelorette. Just be upfront with everyone about the costs, and anyone who can’t afford it can decline.
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