How to treat the no Rsvpers

Huh? Why would uninvited people come? Have you publicized your wedding details? I've never heard of this...

Ok so for me, in my culture uninvited guests come all the time. It's so annoying aha. But usually what people do is pull out more tables and chairs to accommodate. However I had said for mine that if they don't fit in between all the empty spaces (some of my tables were 9/10 filled) then they can leave. I don't think you need to accommodate them either though.

I agree...I’ve never heard of that. Why would people think it’s ok to come to a wedding they weren’t invited to? I would do table seating chart or cards the way you normally would for those invited and only have that many chairs at the table. Uninvited guests should leave. Sorry to be so harsh but that is rude!!!

View Quoted Comment Well it’s not that crazy of a thing - say your fiance’s friend has a girlfriend that no one never met but they’re glued to the hip & he brings her - she wasn’t invited. He was. The invite says his name only. Or get this - my future MIL invited her whole church! If she hadn’t mentioned this to my fiance’s sister, no one would’ve known and they would’ve all showed up! And a friend of mine specifically did not invite anyone on her dad’s side of the family and they all showed up - 20 family members that weren’t invited. I’m expecting things like this to happen. It’s happened at almost every wedding I’ve been to, and in every article I’ve read or video I’ve watched, it’s always something they mention to plan for because you never know. I guess I just don’t know how I would confront it if it happened. Im thinking of somehow making it so that you can only get dinner or drinks if you present your name card, and I’m hoping that only a handful of uninvited guests show.

View Quoted Comment Haha! So why comment? It’s clearly something I’VE heard of or I wouldn’t have mentioned it.

View Quoted Comment ... because I wanted to know how/why it could happen and we're allowed to post on any thread we want...
I personally wouldn't accommodate, like PP suggested.

Have them take a generic name card that says guest. Say 2-3 additional guests per table and that guests will provided with disposable silverware.

Honestly you're better than me lol I would just be like "You weren't invited and there isn't enough space" if people don't like it then whatever bye! lol I wouldn't even try to accommodate. However, I think the paper plate idea is a good one! If you're having an open bar then they will be able to get drinks no problem. But man a whole church! That's a lot of freaking people!

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry if I offended you. I’ve been to tons of weddings and talk to lots of people and this hasn’t happened. I would certainly not tolerate extra people just showing up. We had to pay for everyone up front and had just enough seats for those we paid for. If extras had shown up they would not have had a seat or a meal. I just find it extremely rude. And I would explain to all family members that they can’t do that.

I feel you. This is exactly why I'm reluctant to assign tables.

View Quoted Comment I’m not offended in the slightest - you said you’ve never heard of it so I gave you some examples!

I would honestly just tell the venue that if someone shows up who does not have a place card, they should be asked to leave.

I wouldn’t allow any uninvited guest to stay. I’ve told my planner & DOC that, if for some strange reason, someone shows up who was not invited, they are to be escorted out. I haven’t heard of this actually happening, but if it does, you shouldn’t be responsible for accommodating them. They were not invited.

If you are okay with uninvited guests showing up at your wedding, it is absolutely your decision if you choose to allow it. That being said, you are not obligated to accommodate them. Catering services charge per head, so if people bring uninvited guests to your wedding, then they are technically being inconsiderate to you and your families. Hopefully the caterers won't charge you extra due to the need to suddenly provide extra seating and food for these guests.

You might be able to avoid this issue by talking to the invited guests whom you know have a tendency to bring uninvited guests in advance of your wedding. You can explain the reasons why you would prefer that they don't bring extra people, or that if they do, that person would be responsible for making sure they seat themselves or bring their own food, etc. It's totally up to you how you handle it.

View Quoted Comment

I totally agree with this!!

My specific question isn’t what to do, it was how to get the message across about what I’m doing for them. You are all right, I will leave it up to my coordinator. She can tell them when they get there that they need to pull up their own chair. I was hoping for some more creative ideas!! I was thinking if I did a chart I could put a note at the bottom that says “if you don’t see you’re name, pull up a chair and squeeze with who you came” but I’m afraid people won’t see that

I find this odd, as well. I've been to many weddings, and never witnessed this happening. However, I do get your examples, and see how it could happen. That being said, you don't have to allow it. Or you can. Or some combination of those.

I firmly believe that this is the kind of thing that can be taken care of at the RSVP stage. We all know that not everyone sends back the RSVP card, or goes on the website to let the couple know they are/aren't coming. So, couples start reaching out to the stragglers a week or two before they have to turn in their final head count to the venue/caterer. I think if anyone is likely to show up with an uninvited guest, it will be some of the people who didn't RSVP. So, when you're making your contacts to those people, you can confirm that they are coming either: alone, with their spouse/significant other, or "with my girlfriend and her two kids." There really shouldn't be many surprises on the day, if you've done your diligence with the RSVPs. That's really the whole point of RSVPs, so you can know exactly how many people to expect.

View Quoted Comment This! This is what I hope to be able to do.

I'm really hoping this doesn't happen at mine, but I really don't expect it to. If I were you I wouldn't accommodate them but If you would like to I really like the suggestion a pp made of creating generic name cards of guest 1...2 etc. That can fill in random "open" spots you may have.

View Quoted Comment I still feel like telling people to squeeze is going to cause your other guests who didn’t rudely bring an uninvited guest to be crowded at their tables. I wouldn’t reward uninvited people by allowing them to pull up a chair and feed them. They’re not guests. Send them on their way!