How to tell my sisters they're not bridesmaids...

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this honest advice. I've had a discussion with her about it before but she denied ever saying anything and she tries to turn it around on others. I know that conversation wouldn't go anywhere because she is constantly burning bridges, then when she needs something, she expects those people to help her or be fine with her. I'll just have to talk it over with Fah because I wouldn't want him to be uncomfortable at his own wedding. I know I choose who stands with me but I'll always take his feelings into consideration.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! And I agree. It's something that will need to be discussed more. They've been around each other 1 or 2 times in the last 10 years and were able to just ignore each other. The biggest issue I think is that she thinks he's fine with her. She's oblivious to the fact that things she says affect others.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree. I would never want him to feel uncomfortable and we recently briefly talked about it because we have at least 1 person on either side who we're both leery about having around. On his side, the person is just very loud and obnoxious and would be difficult to deal with. We just agreed that we have time and our wedding is about us, not anyone else or their feelings. Hopefully things go smoothly!

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You're welcome! If that's the case, then a talk is definitely needed in the near future. Some people aren't aware that their actions affect other, no matter how apparent that fact is. I hope everything works out!

View Quoted Comment She needs to grow up and learn to be civil all around. It is really important to talk with her , and at that time not have it be a matter of your FI does not want her, ( so she can go off and stew about him being the cause of her being in the wedding or not. ) It is your frustrations with her immature and dysfunctional behavior. The essence of a time out is an interruption of some repeated or ongoing bad behavior. If you cannot behave better, no one wants you around. They may love you. But no one, even family, is willing to put up with her til she stops throwing garbage their way. And that includes you, and your bridal party on. You will take into account what FI says, and every other person. But make sure she walks away with the idea it is not FI. No blame to him or others. It is the common denominator, her, that needs to stop mouthing off, or making offensive personal criticism of others. Or get used to sitting alone at home, her company not wanted here, there, or anywhere. Something you would be sad to see. It is her time to change. You are her big sister. Go through the process . Don't expect instant results. But over time it will sink in. If not in time for you to have her in your wedding party, then don't, tell her that ship has sailed. One day you likely will have kids. Would you want them accepting , oh, that is how auntie is? Or have her grow up and stop being offensive? Just because you talked to her before and it did not work, don't not do it again. Do it again. And maybe again. Because she is not meeting minimum behavior to participate in adult social things. ... Have whom you want, and can trust to behave appropriately, in your wedding. Do talk to her. And stop making allowances for something she does over and over again, and refuses to take responsibility for.

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I agree - you don't get to pick his attendants, he does not get to dictate who you get to have stand with you.

Best wishes! xoxoxo

View Quoted Comment That's not a bad idea. She's been told before that what she did was not okay. I yelled at her that day but she just denied the whole thing. And FH would not make something like that up. They used to be cool with each other so I know she did something bad. But having her do something else might be good. My other sister got married twice and I wasn't in either wedding (and wasn't even invited to the 2nd). I think just having my maid of honor, her daughter (flower girl) and my mom up there would work. I could even have my brother stand up there if I need to even things out. He's walking me down the aisle so it would be easy at least

View Quoted Comment Numbers need not be equal. But yeas, to be your escort and Bridesman sounds great. You are not out to hurt or be mean to your sister. But she is old enough to behave more appropriately, and learn there are consequences to her type of behavior. A different role, she would not be in a tight social group. And does not need to match other, or anything requiring people agreeing on things.

View Quoted Comment I agree that the sides don't need to be equal but I'd still like them to at least be close. I think she knows in her heart that she burns bridges with everyone but she still expects people to be cool with her after some time passes. I'll find something for her to do that won't require her to be around FH so directly but still make her feel special.