How to tell my sisters they're not bridesmaids...

I recommend you not say anything until she asks or brings it up.

View Quoted Comment I'm thinking that's the best idea for now. At least until I know he's okay with it or not. Thanks for your input!

I would talk to your fiance to see what he has to say, but honestly it isn't his decision as to who is in your wedding. Until a decision is made, I wouldn't say anything to her.

Are you worried it will cause family drama? I understand wanting to see how your FH would feel about having her in your BP because you want a group of people who support you two as a couple. If it comes up I would be honest and say you don't feel comfortable having her as a bridesmaid because she hasn't been 100% supportive and kind to your relationship. Always say you're not comfortable though and don't say it's because of FH. That might cause a huge fight and might make your sister play the blame game.

Your attendants are your decision alone, just like you don't get to decide or approve who he picks.


Your attendants should only be those closest to you who are supportive of your relationship. Sometimes family doesn't fit that bill. Be direct with her that you have already chosen your bridesmaids. It's their fault for assuming anything.

Michelle has a valid point- you don’t get to decide who is going to be his attendants & he doesn’t get to decide who’s yours. However, I would get his input on it. Your sister doesn’t get to decide she’s going to be in your wedding & if she’s going to ASSume she is, than that’s totally her fault.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! To be honest, I don't think she's been the most supportive but she hasn't been terrible to me. She just had 1 conversation with him and that was enough for him to really dislike her. I understand why he feels the way he does because what she said was over the line. I hope it doesn't become more stressful than it already is.

View Quoted Comment Thanks! I think the reason I want to talk to him about it is because i don't want him to be uncomfortable at his own wedding. I somewhat dislike one of his friends who will likely be a groomsman but what my sister did was way worse than what his friend ever did to me.

View Quoted Comment I think I'm just afraid he would be uncomfortable if she was so close. He doesn't even want to have another conversation with her, so I'm not sure how he would feel about her being up there. She has said some things in the past to me about him that wasn't nice or fair, so I think using that verbiage may help.

View Quoted Comment That's a good idea. I don't even know when our wedding will be with covid going around, so we definitely have time to discuss it.

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Then you have no need to even ask anyone yet. The bridal party shouldn't be selected until about 10 months otherwise you could end up regretting who you ask.

View Quoted Comment Well, I know for sure 3 of the people who will be there. I'm just hesitant about my sisters. I can't have 1 without the other and 1 is an issue.

View Quoted Comment Your fiance doesn't really have to deal with her for her to be in your wedding. She is your sister so if you want her in the wedding that is your choice. Unless you want to cut her completely out of your life, she is going to be a part of your life whether your fiance likes her or not. So he's just going to have to learn to put up with her and move on from whatever she said. My husband's female best friend isn't my favorite person, but she is important to my husband so I put up with her. She was a groomswoman in our wedding.

View Quoted Comment That would be the best case scenario for them to at least coexist. We live in different states so that helps. I suppose it's not entirely his issue with her that could cause issues though. She has a habit of complaining about everything and tends to make everything about her. I would hope she wouldn't do that at my wedding but she has fone it everywhere else, so it would be a 50/50 chance that she would cause some type of issue.

View Quoted Comment It doesn't sound like you really even want her in your wedding if you already have so many concerns. My sister is the same as yours about making everything about herself. However, I choose to still have her in the wedding. She did make me want to scream or pull my hair out at times, but we are still close so I couldn't imagine not having her in the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I don't want to have any regrets so I'll keep thinking about it. I want it to be really relaxed and for it to be fun. I guess you can't really plan for everything but hopefully I'm able to make the right decision.

View Quoted Comment Good luck 😃

I disagree that your fiance shouldn't have a say in your attendants. It's his wedding too and he should feel comfortable. Of course I think it's mostly your decision, but if he has strong feelings about not wanting her in the wedding party, I think you need to respect that. Something else to think about though, is that even if she's not in your wedding party, I assume she would still be at the wedding. So it's not like he would be avoiding her completely. Depends on what your plan is for the day too. Some couples have their bridal party doing a lot together, and I could see that being more of an issue. For my wedding the bridal party did almost nothing together and wouldn't have been an issue. It's a tough decision, and hopefully you're able to make the best decision for you and your fiance.

I'm an only child and have no experience with this, but one of my bridesmaids was in a similar situation as you.

Her sister was the maid of honor in her wedding, and her sister and now husband loathe each other. She just let him know that she loved her sister and wanted her by her side on her wedding day, and hoped they both could act civil with one another. The wedding went smoothly, there weren't any rude remarks or anything like that, if anything, they just ignored one another or played nice when they had to interact lol.

This decision is something you and your FH will have to discuss further to make sure you both are on the same page.

They are going to be in-laws a long time. They never need to like each other or be pals. They need to be civil, as they do aquaintances not friends in the workplace, or in a store or bar or court or social group. There is no reason for her not to be in your wedding, if you want her. She needs to grow up and learn that her juvenile mouthiness , and lack of tact / social skills, has created a problem for you ( not FI) . You do not tear down someone's children , or someone's parents, to the rest of the family, sis . That, she needs to hear. But not linked to being your bridesmaid or not. You can give her some other role, like greeting people at the reception, introducing you. Both sisters can watch. Mo fun having a parade of everyone is in it, and no one is watching from the stands. Given the squabbling potential, maybe 3 bridesmaids are enough.