How to tell my dad...

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Kristen, you hit the hammer on the nail. You're not being rude and it's crazy how accurate you are. That's exactly how he is. He chooses when he wants to be a good father. It brings tears to my eyes but it's true. This is how he really is. Thank you soo much

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Thank you so much for your much needed input

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Mandi, thank you so much. And I am so sorry for the pain you probably felt in these situations with your dad.... I really appreciate your kind words so much

I would respond “I love you too and can’t wait to celebrate with you. But I want to let you know, I want to walk down the aisle alone. It has been my vision since I was little and I can’t wait to have that last moment by myself before getting married” you can go on to explain more, but I’d make it about YOU not him! So no “well you really weren’t around” or whatever, focus on the message you feel it sends about being a strong independent woman or whatever your sentiment is. As long as it isn’t directly insulting him , it may sting but he should be able to deal with it. I do agree— IF you want to do a father daughter dance with him, I’d push that here. Like “it’s important to me to do THIS alone. But I can’t wait to have our moment together on the dance floor!”

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Hey Shaina,

Wow, that is a lot to take in. And I agree with everything you've said, especially when you pointed out that it isn't okay for a dad to pretend when he is barely around. My dad was constantly letting me down and I know what I'm going to tell him is going to hurt him, but he's hurt me so many times in my life and has gone on like nothing happened. Thank you so much for your input

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Hey Melle,

Thank you so much for your advice

He would probably be more understanding about you being a strong and liberated woman who is walking by herself, than if you were having some other man in your life escort you.

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Amazing advice, I really appreciate it

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Yes Judith, you are right. Thank you so much

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Yes! It really isn't for me and my sister it is really hard for us to tell him how we feel about certain things. But we need to realize the choices he made as a should be father. The hard part is that we love him and care for him. Kind of also feel a little bad too. It really hurts to be let down consistently by a man who is supposed to be in their daughters life as an example. But we learn in our owns ways I guess.

I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. My dad was also not existent in my life growing up. My parents divorced when I was 5 and he kind of just left and started a new family. I visited with him on the weekends but he never really spent time with me because he was always working. As I got older I see him less and less.

My step dad has always been the person who I've seen as my father and he was the one I knew I wanted to walk me down the aisle. I knew I had to break this news to my bio dad so I just wrote him a letter and left it with him when I was over visiting one time. He texted and we scheduled a time to sit down and talk. The conversation was definitely not easy to have and of course he was upset but in the end said it was my decision. He now is unsure if he will be attending my wedding but honestly it was such a great relief to get off my shoulders so I have no regrets about my decision. Maybe you can go about it in a similar way. Write him a letter or even a short note letting him know you want to sit down and talk. Good luck

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Hey Cristina,

So sorry to hear about your troubles. It's unfortunate that your dad is unsure as to whether or not he is going to be attending your wedding. It's really sad. But you have to be true to yourself and who you are. Your step dad was the one that was there for you, and you feel good about having him walk you down the aisle, which is a beautiful thing. Your bio dad will now have to realize and understand his mistakes. Unfortunately, some dads don't take into consideration that there will be a time when their daughters get married. And if they were not there for their children growing up, how you see them will reflect that. My dad was never really there for me and now thinks he is going to walk me down the aisle and give me away. Such an uncomfortable thought for me. But, I know I have to stay strong.Thank you so much for telling your story and giving your input

I too understand where you are coming from. And I must say I’m glad to see some others that are planning to walk alone down the aisle. I was raised by grandparents. My parents were a part of my life, but they just weren’t very good at the parent part so my grandparents raised me. I’ve always thought my grandfather would walk me down the aisle. However in the last 8 years my dad has been awesome with my daughter and we have a better relationship. So while I still can not see my dad walking me down the aisle, like you it feels wrong, I also wouldn’t want to hurt him by asking my grandfather to do it in his place. I’ll instead walk alone. I’m also 43 years old and am 100% independent so I do not want the whole “giving this woman away” thing.
I am still trying to figure out how I get my 93 year old grandfather Who lives in Mississippi to my wedding in Gatlinburg, TN. It’s so important to me that he be there. Much more so than my father.
OP as others have said, and you know, you have to have that conversation with him. Just be as gentle as you can letting him know that you do love him and want him at your wedding but you have decided that you’d prefer to walk alone down the aisle. I’d slow him to make a toast at the reception though. I get that it would be difficult for you to make a speech about him as your father, but let him make a toast for his daughter and her new husband. Good luck to you!

Sorry. The “I’d slow gone to make a toast...” should say “I’d allow him to make a toast...”

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Kimberly,

I hope you will be able to get your grandfather to your wedding. It seems like it is absolutely vital for him to be there. I really do hope everything works out in that regard. My godfather has been way more of a father figure than my dad could even imagine. But, you know just as you've touched bases on, I can't imagine really asking anyone else to take my dad's place in walking me down the aisle. I definitely can't see me walking down the aisle with anyone. Just want to walk alone. I feel very empowered in the thought of it. Thank you SO much for giving me your insight and telling me a bit of your story. I really appreciate it and it really gives me some direction

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome, Andrea! ❤️ My hubby & I walked together because 1) I’m not close to my dad, 2) I’ve never liked the tradition of being “given away,” 3) As a 40+ Bride that tradition didn’t seem fitting.


Interesting to note, my dad REALLY likes my hubby. We visited my dad 1x before our wedding. After our wedding we visited him again too and it’s made us a little closer because he & my hubby can relate on a guy level (both engineering minds, like beer, science). So that’s been a nice evolution from the wedding. It’s very sweet your dad is so excited for you. Sharing some part of it with him he might really cherish.

I also made each of my parents a small wedding photo album. Because they’re divorced I put different dif photos on a few pages. My dad loved it! You could send him a nice photo or album as a gift.


I didn’t do first look with my dad (that’s an option for you too), but while he was sitting after our ceremony due to an diabetic insulin issue, I took several photos with him and they turned out GREAT! He even made a few funny faces. I don’t have many pics of or with him so that was a nice bonus.

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Thank you for your understanding! Although I'm not super concerned about my dad's short-term disappointment, I do worry about him taking it out on my mom since they absolutely hate each other, and I am also afraid of having regrets someday after he's gone. I don't want to turn Andrea's post into something about myself, but I guess I'm trying to say that although I probably know what I should do and it's likely Andrea does too, family is so complicated and so are our emotions. I'm glad we're all here trying to support each other, and I really sympathize with these difficult family situations during what's meant to be a magical time.

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Dear Andrea, I hope that you'll be able to peacefully come to the conclusion with your dad that you'll walk yourself. I hope it will be a proud moment for you. I'm also glad to come back to this page and see so many supportive ladies on here and read their stories.

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I get it. I know a lot of the advice I give on him about how to handle friends and family I am an outsider and I am not in the situation but I start to think that in the same situation I would need to do the advice I give. I hope the things work out for you both and things go smoothly for you.