How to tell bridal party..CHANGE OF PLANS, NO BIG WEDDING ANYMORE?

People who are invited to the shower need to be invited to the wedding ... no offense but how did u think it was possible to get married in Sept with o my 6 months to plan ... I'd assume vendors would all be booked .. plus it's not alot of time to pay off a wedding . .. you have no money .. skip the shower and just get married ...

Shayna, let me repeat myself: you can ask whatever you want. I can answer with whatever *I* want. Okay? Do what you want, but people WILL see you as rude, entitled, and spoiled.

Honestly you never even had a date since you have nothing booked except your photos. No catering, or anything. Your post is really confusing as well so that's why everyone is confused.

At this point, since you only have photos booked, it wouldn't be the worst thing to cancel now but if people have already invested in your wedding, such as your BMs they need to be reimbursed.

Also no shower. If you're keeping everything small, you can't say "hey give me 100 gifts at my shower but sorry we want a small wedding so you can't witness our union". Very rude IMO.

I wouldn't come back and whine because i never wanted it big anyway so that doesn't bother me. and believe it or not you can plan a wedding in only few months. a lot of things we were cutting anyway. and his mom was paying for the reception but she just recently changed her contribution plans. so no im not going to spend my money to accommodate "her guest" so court house it is save a couple thousand and be happy and married and life goes on

Actually it's increadably tacky ... to go throw a shower and not invite people to wedding .. but I guess you don't care about that . .. if I was invited to a shower and not a wedding is stop talking to somebody . .

Again, the posts with no avatars are always dramatic and never want real advice.

"BM, I need to talk about the wedding plans. Our budget got really out of control and we've decided to have a courthouse wedding instead. I'd love for you to attend if you are able. I will reimburse you for the dress you've already bought. (OR) We're only able to have our parents and siblings attend. I'll reimburse you for your dress. I hope your feelings aren't too hurt. But please come to my shower next month and bring me a gift."

Shayna, anything that you include in your thread is up for discussion. If you only wanted the bridal party part answered, you would have included that and only that.

The details of your post and what's included in your follow-up comments can be discussed as a poster sees fit.

And if that means you have to read about how something you've planned is in poor taste/comes across as gift-grabby, it is what it is.

You can't dictate how people respond to your threads.

Your day, your choice. Just tell them and hopefully they will respect that. If not, let them be upset on their own.

All we needed to know was in OP's last update - "his mom was paying for the reception but she just recently changed her contribution plans". No wonder you want to go to the courthouse now! You don't want to open your wallet but you want a shower so people can give you gifts?

Can't say I'm surprised.

So another question. Should I be offended when I was invited to a shower, wedding but not formal reception? Just cake and punch no formal meal. I mean it all serves the same purpose right? So if I invited everyone to witness our day and not feed them I would still be wrong so it really doesn't matter what you do at then end of the day. I just don't know why people need to be rude to me when I'm asking a specific question. I don't care about a shower because we still we get gifts regardless. but if my aunt throws one still I'm not going to say hey dont do that. if that's what she wants. so for those who took that and ran with it can now have some peace. I'm still going to get with my girls and celebrate rather they bring a gift or not. so what. we are focused on getting married not blowing through thousands of dollars for one day. I just want control of my own wedding that's all. and just because nothing was written in stone doesn't mean anything wasn't planned. i didnt need to put a deposit on anything else. everything was budget friendly for 20-50 but 200 I'm not doing. and 6 months is more than enough time to do that. My wedding wasnt a traditonal wedding anyway so we had wiggle room. so hopefully that sums it up. but TY everyone for your advise. I got somethinkging to do before Monday. Have a blessed day

@smox TY so much. very informative

"We are focused on getting married not blowing through thousands of dollars for one day"

Your reception is a thank you to your guests. Don't want to properly host them? Then don't invite anyone!

You can easily refuse the shower. You just refuse to do so. There are a lot of brides here who were offered showers, but because of their intimate wedding plans, they said no. Why? Because they know it's rude to have a shower when those guests won't be invited to the wedding. The guests won't say anything, but when they miss the wedding, they WILL talk about how they spent so much on a gift for you and you didn't even have the courtesy to invite them to the main event, that you just wanted a present.

Also, it's not rude to have a cake and punch reception without a formal meal if it's done during a non-meal time. If you have a 2 p.m. wedding ceremony, you can absolutely have a cake and punch reception from 2:30 - 4 p.m. There is nothing rude about that because it's not at a meal time. It would only be rude if you invited people to a noon wedding or a 5 p.m. wedding when people would be expecting a meal.

One of the reasons people need longer than a few months to plan is to learn the rules of etiquette of wedding planning so you don't piss people off, such as when to have a shower and who to invite.

"and just because nothing was written in stone doesn't mean anything wasn't planned. I didn't need to put deposit on anything else."

Friendors? Self-catering? Dry wedding?

Changing from 20-50 to 200 guests is a HUGE jump in numbers. If you and FH aren't comfortable with that, then speak up. It's your day, I understand she was contributing financially but she should also take into consideration what YOU and FH want! Will you look back and regret not having a small intimate wedding??

As for the letting the Bridal party know, explain due to circumstances you had to make changes. If they're close friends they'll understand and still be there to support you.

Having nothing set in stone doesn't signify an actual wedding date. I know my church requires he and I attend counseling, if i wanted a church wedding. There's requirements for most churches. You can't just wake up and say "hey I wanna get married Tuesday". It takes time and effort. No church is going to NOT charge for use of their facilities.

ETA, more words.