How to tell bridal party..CHANGE OF PLANS, NO BIG WEDDING ANYMORE?

It's you're day, your choice. I don't think most people will be upset. They will probably understand why. We had to cut our list down too. Everyone pretty much understands. The smaller the better : )

Elope to an exotic island. Have a nice lunch with coconut cake and a glass of champagne. This is my standard answer. You are not too far into the planning . One other couple was so I suggested they carry thru with the plans. I would cancel the shower. It is not right to have a shower if the guests aren't invited. Looks like a "gift grab". Reimburse anybody for dresses. Use the money for a honeymoon or down payment on a house.

Did people already rsvp??

I'm very pro-fuckitgotothecourthouse, especially since I did but I'm not going to encourage it for you. You're literally a month away. You'll be losing a lot of money on deposits and a lot of people's time will have been a waste.

Your wedding is a month away. Invites have gone out presumably? You can't just cancel this late without losing a substantial amount of money and pissing off anyone who bought plane tickets or made travel plans.

If you cancel, you need to pay for your bridesmaids dresses and anything else you required them to purchase for your wedding. You also can't have the shower your aunt is planning. Showers are only for people invited to the wedding. If you're getting at the courthouse, only the couple of people going to the ceremony can be invited to the shower and since you said that would be just your kids, siblings, and parents (no aunt), then only they can be invited to your shower and it would be rude AF to let your aunt plan a shower for a wedding she isn't even invited to.

I would seriously rethink all of this.

@OliviaP: I saw the date but she also said," Nothing was set in stone". Flexible vendors maybe? Flexible guests?

I'm sorry to confuse everyone. we got engaged in March after being together for 3 1/2 years and planned to have our wedding Sept 30th. Since we starting planning it's been a headache. invites for shower were going out next week and wedding in a month. we only put a deposit down on our pics nothing else. oh and my mom bought my dress. just recently had a bridal meeting and we were going next week to start looking.

Yes, I was wondering how it wasn't quite set in stone yet. Typo in the year?

I think you really can just tell people that you changed your mind. Most will be just fine.

I agree with Elizabeth that you should repay anyone who bought clothing etc for the wedding.

ETA Just saw your post above. It should be pretty easy to cancel then! People -- well, reasonable people -- should want you to have what YOU want.

How is nothing "set in stone" a about month out?

ETA: Posted before date change by OP

Oh god you lost me at "bridal meeting".

Bridal shower was planned out and it is my close friends and family coming. I know for sure they will be ok with it. everyone pretty much said why are we trying to have this big wedding anyway. but i never was. it really was his side. I know each state is different but we were going to still invite the party to the courthouse if we were allowed to have guest or have a small get together that evening with them because they are really just our family ( aunt, cousins, sisters , brothers and children ) i the wedding anyway

@lillybean17 so i take it you never got with your bms or anyone involved and discuss your plans?

No, you can't have a bridal shower. It's rude AF. They'll say it's okay but they'll talk behind your back for being so gift grabby. Showers are only for gifts and you don't expect gifts from people not invited to your wedding.

I also find it hard to believe that your original wedding was supposed to be 9/30/17 and "nothing is set in stone." For prime wedding season? No vendor contracts? No venue yet? How were you going to get married so soon without anything set in stone?

Ok this is making more sense. I'll tell you the same thing I told someone the other day. Don't go to the courthouse just because planning sucks or you're short on cash right now. You can always have a very intimate non-courthouse ceremony and take everyone in attendance out to dinner or push the date out further to be able to plan adequately or save more money. If going to the courthouse in September is what YOU as a couple really wants, then go for it. If you know that 10 years down the road, you won't be singing your shoulda coulda wouldas for not going through with a more elaborate (which doesn't necessarily mean more expensive) wedding, then go for it.

@Shayna: Thanks for the update. Your date says a month away but the, "Not set in stone" comment got people ( including me) confused. I guess you will have to sit down and figure out how much you have paid out and how much you will save if you cancel and go to the courthouse. Also factor in guests who may have rearranged weekends or job situations to attend. Don't forget hurt feelings.

Because I orginally planned to have a small wedding. my church venue was free and we were having food after in basement. so we weren't spending a whole bunch of money. sheesh I guess you have to be overly specific with you guys lol. I planned everything out and we were going to finalize everything this week but I'm irritated and overwhelmed. when people started suggesting everything and trying to take control ( guest list, reception) it just isn't worth it to me. I asked for advice to tell them not be told it's rude to have this or that.

Well, it IS rude to have this or that. You can ask whatever you want, but we can also answer with whatever we want, even it's not a direct answer to your question.

No invites and no deposits on anything? How in the world did you think you could plan and host a 200 guest wedding in less than 4 months? Wait, less than one month since you were going to send out invites in 1 month?

Having a shower when people aren't invited to your wedding is RUDE AF. No excuses. You will do what you want anyway, we know.

If your bridal party has purchased anything and will not be invited to your courthouse wedding, you must reimburse them.

Otherwise, you only tell those closest to you or Those who ask about wedding plans. A simple, "We decided to have a much smaller wedding with only our parents" is enough. No need to explain further. Have your courthouse wedding and then take your families and any close friends who attend out to lunch afterwards. Yes you must pay for them, yes you must pay for their drinks. No, you cannot come back in 6 months and whine to us about how now you want a big wedding so you are going to have a fake wedding day.

We went with Septemberto give us 6 months to get things together. we were going to just do it right after he proposed because we just wanted to get married. been together for a while so we know what we want. it's others who are being the aggressor and do this or do that. we are content on doing it this way. i just ask how to tell bridal party. not to be told why not or its rude to have a shower still. it is our day and if my aunt stills throws my shower I'm not going to tell her no. it's still a celebration and those who want to participate will and those who don't ok.

After reading your update about having a free church space with dinner in the basement afterwards, I would just suck it up and go through with it and firmly stay within your budget. "That's not in our budget" and "This is what we can afford" are perfectly acceptable responses to parents and family member who want to add 10 people to the guest list or want you to cover the whole church in flowers.