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Savvy October 2013

How to tactfully request cash in lieu of gifts?

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courtney , on January 7, 2013 at 9:03 PM

I have an etiquette question concerning a registry. My fiance and I are living together and already have most of the household items that are usually on a registry. I wanted to do a honeymoon registry to help us out with costs for our honeymoon. My fiancee is against the idea because of the fee's the websites charge you, even though we would be making all the arrangements ourselves. So, basically, I'm wondering if there is a tactful way to do this without the honeymoon registry? How can we let guests know that we would prefer cash to help with the honeymoon rather than gifts?

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*ADDED BY WW*

Check out our Registry Guide for information on gift, honeymoon, and cash registries!

Newlywish

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25 Comments

Beginner September 2015
Michele · on February 27, 2015 at 10:43 AM
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Ok. Here's my opinion. I came here for the same reason as the original poster. I do not understand how it is acceptable to Ask for friends and family to buy you materialistic things but it's not ok to ask that they don't buy things and to just make a donation instead. How are the two any different? I think guests would appreciate the honesty and the knowledge that they will not be wasting their money on useless stuff just because it's "tradition" to register for a bunch of things you probably don't need. Some of these comments made me feel a little guilty but then after thinking about it it is 2015. People don't allow kids at weddings, the "first look" is becoming more and more popular and people live together before marriage often. I don't see requesting cash in lieu of items is a big deal at all.
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Just Said Yes April 2015
Michelle · on March 9, 2015 at 3:36 PM
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I'd like to know this as well. My fiance and I are both in our 40's. we have stuff. :-) would be nice to have money to use towards the honeymoon or home repairs.
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Beginner October 2015
Jennifer · on April 13, 2015 at 12:23 PM
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I agree 100% with @Jennifer and @Michele! This site sometimes has commenters that can really come off judgemental and rude in their suggestions. I too had the same question as my fiance and have been living together for 3 years and have all we need in our place. I was getting overwhelmed with registeries trying to decide on gifts we dont need to go along with tradition. My maid of honor suggested the other day that we setup a honeymoon tree to allow for guests to contribute that way rather than selecting random items on registries that we either don't need or have space for. I agree with @Jennifer that these are close family and friends that we are inviting to our wedding its not a business networking event but rather an intimate gathering with loved ones. They already know and love us so I think it ridiculous that they would be offended by us asking for money or think us tacky when they themselves know we don't have space for tons of gifts that we don't need. I hope @courtney that you and your FH can agree to do what works best for you. All the best :-)
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Just Said Yes October 2016
Laurel · on September 23, 2016 at 4:16 PM
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Ok, so I know you think it might be tacky, but if it's ORIGINAL and cute and people know you are struggling... I feel completely comfortable with this because everyone knows we are broke and living in our unfinished house with no money taking care of our dying parents. This is my registry message (we literally live on "Drinker Street" and our last name will be Gerber):

OUR HOME IS FULL, BUT NOT COMPLETE.

MORE WORK NEEDS DONE ON DRINKER STREET.

A NOTE, A WISH, A BUCK OR TWO

WILL MAKE THE GERBERS' DREAM COME TRUE!
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WeddingWire Administrator October 2016
Lynnie · on March 27, 2017 at 5:16 PM
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There are a few ways to politely indicate that you would prefer monetary gifts!

- You can simply not set up a registry, your guests will get the hint
- Or set up a very small registry with a few items
- Or use a cash registry website like Newlywish

Your best bet is to set up a cash registry on a site like Newlywish, which allows guests to contribute to a particular large purchase, like a down payment on a new house, or a car. Know that some guests will want to buy you gifts instead of cash, so you should probably set up a traditional registry in addition to your cash registry.

You can also check out our Registry Guide for tons of tips and ideas!
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