How to pull off a surprise catholic wedding

Anyone else finding the irony in lying to people to get them to attend a wedding at a church? A church that teaches that lying goes against the commandments God gave to Moses.

I'm not a fan of surprises anyway, but this idea seems fraught with peril.

You know your own family and if this really will be a great idea.

But really, wouldn't you want your guests to look forward to the wedding?

And, heartbreaking if someone misses it because they don't know it's your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Great point about childcare

Ummm do your friends and family go to parties in clothes that are appropriate for church? Cuz what Id wear to a Catholic Church wedding is way different than what I’d wear to an engagement party.

This is a hard one. Good luck!
I’d be sad if dear people to us wouldn’t attend because they thought it was an engagement party, they would make arrangements for the wedding.

Sorry but I would be peeved if I thought that you were getting married in Italy (especially if I made accommodations and already took of time for that “wedding”) only to be surprised by you getting married well in advance. I would be skipping out on the Italy “wedding” completely. Others have also brought up people prioritizing a party over the wedding as well as attire. I wore jeans and a cute top to my friend’s laid back engagement party. I definitely wouldn’t wear that to a wedding, especially one in a church.

Okay.
I don't know how to delete this discussion I started and I tried to stop the notifications but they keep coming in.

All I wanted was ideas on how to get them there and surprise them.

I know I asked for this and you all responded but the back to back, "awful, bad idea, no way, don't do it, horrible" comments are getting too much for me. I don't blame you all, I just can't handle it lol

But since I can't stop the notifications, I'd like some peace on the comments that don't like my idea.

I know my guests:
• We're Mexican, we love parties. If I tell them where and how long we'll be there, we find a way to be there.

• If there was someone I felt might not go and I really wanted them, I was going to write and handwritten note telling them I really would appreciate their presence. And my fiancé and I have also accepted the fact that because it's a surprise- some might not come.

• We are still having the Italy wedding.... we are just having the church part here and a small reception. No one has purchased anything for the Italy wedding, because neither have my fiancé and I, it's too far ahead for us to sign contracts.

• I would note "formal wear" on the invitations and I gave picture examples on our wedding website.

.... I rest my case. Thank you for your comments, you were all very prompt and honest which is all I could have asked for.

It’s in poor taste to dictate on a party invitation how your guests should dress. And it would be pointless since what’s formal to one person could be business casual to another. But you do you. Let us know how it turns out 👍🏽

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Seriously, so you're still having the Italy "wedding" but you want to have a surprise one first? That seems like even more of a disaster.

Why would people fly all the way to Italy if you're already married.

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What OG Gretchen said: You are having a "surprise" wedding that you are selling as an engagement party but telling people how to dress, then having ANOTHER wedding in Italy?

I am always amazed at bride to be's who post a question from left field, then get annoyed that 99% of people are like, "dude, that is a bad idea" but forge ahead because it is "their day" and/or "my family will understand."

OP - My family likes to party, too. But we don't come up with elaborate "surprises" that are really lying to our families about what is happening when and then flying too Italy!

But hey you do you, I'll do me - keep us posted.