How to politely ask guests not to wear black dresses?

I think that sounds fine!

Hello fellow November 2020 bride ☺️ Firstly I just want to say congratulations! Second, I would just put on the save the date or invitation or wherever you please, that you don’t have a specific dress code for everyone, however if the ladies could please refrain from wearing a black dress 😊. Good luck!

I love the idea of a black wedding dress. I would encourage you to give plenty of notice. I only wear black to weddings usually so I would need time to buy something.

Yeah that sounds like a polite way to ask. You might also just be open about it and say the bride is planning on a black non-traditional dress. Unless you’re making it a surprise. But honestly, I’d set pretty low expectations on how many will listen if you’re doing a formal affair. but being upfront may discourage some. But you might also try making it a more relaxed dress code, then guests may not want to wear LBD.

I think the verbiage you put in your post is very polite. As a guest I would understand and be so excited to see your untraditional dress choice!

I think what you suggested sounds fine

Even if a guest wears black, you will still stand out as the bride. I feel the same way about guests wearing white. No one is going to mistake them as the bride and they won’t steal your shine.

I think your wording is good, just be prepared for some people to forget and wear black anyway lol

View Quoted Comment I’m hoping for it to be a surprise, or at least not common knowledge, that’s why I don’t want to say it outright. However I’m assuming if I put something like that on the invite most will at the very least suspect I will be wearing black to some extent. The wedding is by no means black tie, but it’s still a semi-formal and dressy occasion. Basically I want to tell people so if possible they can avoid wearing black (especially bc it is a late fall wedding and I would probably be inclined to wear black if I were a guest) but if someone does it’s not a big deal, it’s normal for someone to forget or a plus one not to get the memo.

so basically it’s a request, not a demand for girls not to wear black? If someone does show up wearing black it’s just a dress and at the end of the day I’m just happy to be getting married and that they wanted to celebrate with us.

Yeah, you don't do this. It's rude to dictate guest attire unless it's an actual venue requirement (i.e. the venue won't let in men without dinner jackets, true black tie affair). 100% of the wedding appropriate dresses I own are black, so that's what i'd be wearing.

I think it's totally fine to have a polite note on your invite, wedding website, and/or RSVP cards. Your wording sounds perfect.

When I'm a guest at weddings, I often want some clue about the dress code (especially if it's people I'm not super close to, or I'm the +1 of the invited guest who knows the couple), and this isn't a complicated request so I think it's totally within reason.

One thing to consider - would you be okay if women wore white dresses to your wedding? Some may think this gives them the OK and won't ask while others will still assume white is off limits. I'm sure some guests will love the opportunity to buy/wear/rewear a white dress or jumpsuit if you let them. If you have strong feelings about guests wearing white, I would also mention that too.

And for those saying it is never okay to guide guests on how to dress, I disagree. You can tell guests not to wear black as much as you can tell them not to wear jeans or crocs. It is common courtesy for guests to avoid wearing the colors used by the wedding party, and most of us know the rule of "don't wear white" so telling people one color within the spectrum of the 7 million or so colors visible to the human eye is off limits is not an unreasonable request, it's just a different color than tradition dictates.

View Quoted Comment I really don’t think it’s a rude request. It’s a general and unwritten rule of thumb that women shouldn’t wear white to a wedding unless specified that it’s okay, bc you shouldn’t wear the same color as the bride as it’s her day. A lot of people to inform guests of their dress code (eg black tie, black tie optional, rustic etc) which honestly I appreciate. Especially if I’m a +1 or not a super close friend of the couple I like to have an idea of what type of event they’re planning. So why would it be rude even requesting that black be avoided if possible as it’s not a traditional wedding?

View Quoted Comment Thanks, I really appreciate your answer! I didn’t think about the white, so that’s a good point. As I won’t be wearing white I wouldn’t mind if someone else wanted to, though it will be November so I’m not sure if anyone would want to. At least in my mind (I work in the fashion industry) it would still be a faux pas to wear white to a wedding that’s not your own, but personally if someone does I wouldn’t be bothered.

im the same way - I like having some sort of idea what type of event the couple is planning and clue how to dress. Being over or under dressed isn’t fun, and it’d be weird showing up matching the bridal party. I’m not trying to be rude by requesting this of my guests, I guess it’s more a courtesy note?

I put something similar on my save the dates and on the website, but not on the actual invite. That way they have warning a year out. Mine is also intimate and lots of family and close friends. It was small enough that I actually called everyone personally beforehand to see if they minded. Everyone was excited about the theme. Definitely a "know your crowd" thing I think.

View Quoted Comment

Because you shouldn't tell guests what you wear - they are adults who can figure it out. They will take cues based on the formality of the venue and invitation. Dress codes are rude unless it's an actual venue requirement or an actual black tie/white tie event. Black tie optional is not a thing, nor is dressy casual, or beach formal (all things i've received on invites). People use them, but unless they'll get turned away for not complying, there's no need to dictate.

If you must, I would put a short note on your website. This is not info that should go on the invitation anyway.

Also, I would recommend applying your "no black" policy to everyone, not just women in black dresses. Why can men wear a black suit but women can't wear a black dress?

View Quoted Comment How would they “figure it out” if they have no idea? Every wedding I’ve attended the bride has worn white, and yes every guest has not worn white (at least at the weddings I’ve attended). That’s why I feel like I should give them a heads up in this case. I’m not trying to be rude in my phrasing, and I’m not setting a dress code or requiring anyone not to wear black - obviously they’d still be admitted, but it’s my preference that they avoid black. Kind of like most brides would prefer if guests don’t wear white, but if they do it is what it is. So that’s why I’m asking about phrasing - I don’t want to offend people, but again it’s my wedding and I want to give them a polite heads up.

View Quoted Comment Also I don’t mind if men wear black bc most suits are in black/grey, it’s November, and I will not be wearing a suit 😅

View Quoted Comment I disagree with you totally. While everyone MAY be an adult, that does not mean that everyone has the good sense or the knowledge of appropriate etiquette regarding proper attire for a wedding, or any event for that matter.

View Quoted Comment And if you're that arrogant and ignorant you are then uninvited. So have fun in that little black dress you have nowhere to wear! The nasty people one encounters when just trying to ask a simple question out of kindness.

I'm in agreement with the majority here. First of all, Congratulations! Secondly, I think you're wording is absolutely perfect and well-thought-out. As a guest, I would truly appreciate that. Plus, the excitement of the build-up to see what is 'non-traditional' just adds to the Allure of the whole moment/event. This is a good example illustrating that most often you just need to go with your gut, because it was right all along! Don't get caught up in the snotty comments of arrogant people that are just going to ignorantly wear their black dress anyway. Guests like that do not deserve an invite to your special day. Anyone who truly cares about you and loves you and wants to celebrate this amazing moment with you would want nothing more than your complete and total happiness and your every wish to be granted whether they agreed with it or not. I think your wedding sounds FANTASTIC.