How to Politely Ask for Truthful Rsvp's

Not sure if this would work, but if you really really really need to hear a response from your guests directly, you could call them and say "hey I know you probably talked to my FMIL about RSVPing, but my stressed wedding-brain lost the list she gave me/forgot who answered which way, and I wanted to double-check because I'd love for you to be there."

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Lol I wouldn't go this route. Its a lie and it could come back to you when they mention it to FMIL.

View Quoted Comment I agree. I would also wonder why you're calling me instead of just getting the list again from FMIL.

We've given verbal yes-es and have meant them, me meaning my parents and I.
Sometimes people just don't take the time to RSVP, but if they said yes we are going, then they mean it. Unless they sounded unsure...

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Personally my FMIL is pretty disorganized and says things to make my FH and I happy (but will retract it when it turns out to be incorrect) so I can empathize with the OP. As a guest I definitely wouldn't question being called directly from the bride with that excuse, but I suppose it's up to the OP to know her audience, per se.

You mentioned that most of the people you are hoping to confirm with are FH's friends, why can't he just call them up? It may be a know-your-crowd thing, but if a friend of mine called me and said something along the lines of "Hey friend, I think my mom already reached out, but we were going through our rsvp's to give final counts to our venue this week and since I didn't have a physical card back from you, we just want to make sure to count you in if you're planning on attending?" I would not be offended in the least. This doesn't need to be an intense convo, just something along the lines of the above, and depending on how his friends each reply he can go from there. "I'll definitely be there, can't wait!" => "oh great, I'm so glad you'll make it, sorry to call you up like this, I never realized how much involved in throwing a wedding ha ha ha, see you there!"

View Quoted Comment I think this is the best approach. We'll probably have to check in with certain people as our day gets closer as well. Sure, doing it twice sucks, but it is what is now.

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Yes exactly. Also, our audience is pretty chill. Especially FH's friends so I wouldn't feel it was rude but I don't want to be rude if that makes sense?

View Quoted Comment Ditto. Divide and conquer based on who the guest is. Be prepared to get caught up in some "how's the planning going/ are you excited?!" convos. Lol

It is what it is, unfortunately. You have to take their word for it. You will most likely have no shows. There's nothing you can do about it. I even expressed this concern to my photographer in casual conversation and she told me to casually follow up with them..I followed up with a few of them saying "Hey, we rented out a private parking area, this is the address if you have any problems finding it" And most of them said we will be there of some sorts..but 2 days later didn't show. So it's unavoidable.

We had 74 RSVP's for Yes and 10 no shows. 6 of them had lame ass excuses, and yeah I haven't talked to any of those 6 sense. Yes, we wasted $500 but it's whatever. At the end of the day, their absence didn't effect the amazing wedding we had, I still got married to the love of my life and the people that did show up..we all had an amazing time! Don't bug them, if they don't show up..as my dad says "It's their loss"

Honestly, if I said yes, and was called to confirm again, I would be super annoyed and consider it rude. If some people that said yes do not show up, it happens, sorry. We all deal with this as brides.

Oh my. It's completely different than the venue calling for a final headcount.

View Quoted Comment Idk...if someone's mom called me to ask if I was going to the wedding, I wouldn't depend on that getting back to the couple. I would use that as a reminder to get in touch with the couple myself. And since these people didn't, OP, I would definitely reach out to them for additional confirmation. I think plangalCG's advice is pretty spot on.

View Quoted Comment They could have actually sent the pre-stamped RSVP back...

Confirmation*

View Quoted Comment But they didn’t. Can’t turn back time to make them do it. So now, after the fact, there is not much else to say besides “yes”. Which they have.

Thanks

View Quoted Comment I'm in with PlanGal's thoughts. I'd do just what she said. I'd call them up and say
"Hey, I know you spoke to FMIL and confirmed with her, but with all of this last minute planning, I'm so afraid I'll miss someone! At any rate, I have to give my venue/caterer a final headcount so they can give me a total up my bill and I just wanted to call and confirm that you are attending the wedding."


I think if you put this on you, make it sound like YOU are the rude one for asking them to confirm, again, when they couldn't send the stamped RSVP back, can avoid hurting their feelings and keep FMIL from looking bad. (So sad... she can't trust her FMIL to follow up with people!)

I see confirming with FMIL in the same way as I see someone asking FMIL questions (or concerns or whatever) that they should be addressing to you or FH. Just like I wouldn't want FMIL randomly inviting whoever she wanted (especially if we aren't taking money from her) or making arrangements without my consent (I remember someone posting on here that FMIL threw a fit and cancelled the florist bride had hired and got her own florist and designed her own flowers for bride because she didn't want bride to make FH's wedding look ridic!), I think it is neither FMIL's place nor responsibility to follow up and confirm my guest RSVPs.

On that note, it's great if FMIL wants to help and pitch in. I'm just getting nit picky and pointing out the "loop hole", IMO, that says you can call guests back to reconfirm without looking like an -ish.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. Puffin maybe worded it better than I did. (Less CAN be more.)

It's no one's responsibility to follow up with RSVPs except the bride and groom. Therefore, if I confirmed with ANYONE except one of these people, I wouldn't blink if he/she called me to request an answer to my RSVP that I rudely couldn't mail back in time.

I don't think failing to mail a pre-stamped RSVP and confirming with someone besides the bride and/or groom (even though that was super nice for FMIL- in any situation but this one, apparently!) gives you the right to get prickly and give side-eye to the bride and/or groom if they call and ask if you plan to attend.