How to Politely Ask for Truthful Rsvp's

They answered you though, right? They didn’t say “hopefully” or “we’ll try to be there”. They said yes. Honestly, if I rsvpd yes to someone and they felt the need to double check with me, I’d be annoyed and felt like they either a) didn’t trust me or b) didn’t want me there.

I can't understand the concept of needing "truthful" answers. I mean, why not make this clear when you got the verbal reply the first time. If someone asked me again to "make sure" I was coming, I would probably be offended, especially if it's so they don't waste money on me.

I don't think there is really any way to make sure they are taking it seriously, if they didn't on the reply cards and you think they didn't verbally. What makes you think asking a third time will make a difference?

If they said yes, you need to plan on them attending and pay for their meal. May a few flake out? Yes, but that happens to many brides.

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I'm not going back and asking those who said "no". Just want to clarify with those who said "yes" because my FMIL handled this part without my knowledge and I don't know what responses they actually gave. I'm honestly scared since she isn't paying for it that she might just assume or give me a "yes" when they have said they will try or are not sure yet.

You have to trust that their yes means yes. You cannot call a guest who gave you a firm yes (not a wishy washy we are expecting to go or something) and ask them if they were telling the truth. You would basically be insinuating that they are a liar. If that happened to me I would definitely not attend

No shows are a part of weddings. It happens and there isn't much you can do about it unfortunately. You cannot call guests who have given you a firm yes back and ask if they were lying, That is rude!

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I didn't mention this so my fault, but this wasn't handled by me but by my FMIL. She went ahead and asked a majority of the people since it was all on her side and she let me know what they supposedly replied with.

EVERYONE knows that whether plated or buffet the couple is paying based off head count. It would be extremely rude to call and ask them AGAIN. They gave you the answer. If they end up no showing, it happens.

View Quoted Comment I’d say this makes it even trickier. If you ask and they tell your FMIL that you asked them again, she’s going to feel like you think she’s a liar.

I would've handled it myself or had FH call. Now your stuck.

You know your guests, I would just be like I wanted to confirm that you will be attending the wedding we have to give our final count to the caterers this week. Then go with their answer. I think that they will get the picture since you are calling them again and give you an accurate answer.

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If your FMIL says they are coming then you have to trust that they are coming. You cannot follow-up with people after they have confirmed. If I had already told your FMIL that I planned to attend and you called me to double-check that I was really really sure, I would think you were trying to get me to change my mind or were hoping I wouldn't come.

Do you have any reason to not trust your FMIL when she says she confirmed with everyone? It seems odd to me you wouldn't believe her.

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Lol, I'm trying to say is I don't know if it is a firm yes or no. It went through my FMIL...too much going on and too many avenues all of this has gone through. It should have been dealt with me and that is my fault. Obviously I wouldn't go "hey I think you were lying so I have to ask again" or "hey I really wanna make sure you can go because if you can't.." that is why I'm asking how to ask it without coming off as rude. It is like you all think people on here are idiotic or something and don't know basic communication skills. I would never approach it that way.

View Quoted Comment If that’s the case, I’d call yourself and say that you are getting final counts for the venue to give you your final bill, and you know that FMIL May have talked to them but you wanted to follow up yourself so you don’t accidentally miss anyone who didn’t mail a reply. This way, you’re making it clear you’re paying per person but you also make it like you’re making sure not to miss anyone. This way, you can also ask numbers and get a sense...you can also add—we completely understand if you can’t make it because you’re out of town.

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Yeah you'''''''re right I am stuck. Mistakes happen, not I have to deal with it. I think I recognize that. That is why I am asking how to go about this now.

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If you called me after I already had talked with your FMIL, I'd be a little annoyed. I already gave my answer to someone who I thought would be intimately involved with the planning so why am I being questioned yet again? Do you not trust me? Do you not believe me? Are you a bridezilla? All those thoughts would go through my mind.

We've told you how you handle it. You add them to the yes list and move on with planning. They said they're coming. Is there any reason you dont trust your FMIL that you think she'd screw you both over like that??

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I have my reasons. I said she isn't very courteous of anything because she isn't paying and she has been very flakey in general herself. Way more than I can explain on here, but I have my reasons. That is why it is hard to ask questions on here, because people odn't get the full picture.

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But it would be rude. If you were to call me after your FMIL did to check I would be thinking "wow this girl thinks we are those A-holes who would ditch their wedding last minute" It would be a huge turn off and make me rethink going.

You have to trust what your FMIL says and assume those are a firm yes. You cannot call and check up. It's inconsiderate to your guests and rude to your FMIL to assume she would not be truthful with you. You are right you should have handled it yourself and so now this is the consequence. And even a firm yes can end up being a no show. thats the hazards of planning a party.

No matter how you ask it’s rude. It’s rude to assume your FMIL isn’t being truthful and it’s rude to ask again someone who has already given their answer. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are. That doesn’t change that someone will take offense. At best, everyone will answer the same and your FMIL will be offended you didn’t trust her. At worst, your guests will believe they aren’t wanted at your wedding and maybe they won’t show up anyway.

I think you just need to take their word for it that they'll be there. There aren't many other ways they can say yes to you