How to plan seating with Fh’s family

Ok I'm starting to figure this out now so head table will be our wedding party. And the we have a sweetheart table to ourselves then start from #1 will be his family since he has a larger group. And table #2 is my family and then table#3 for more of his family tables will sit 9 comfortably so they be at that. And half of of my family will be at table#4. Also most of my family us in the wedding.Then continue on with friends and etc. Plus some ppl in my family dont get a long so I will mix them with friends who will make them fill comfortable. So we have to be selective in who we put where.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your advice Monique! 😄

View Quoted Comment Your welcome

I think you’re over complicating this. Unless you need the help from your families I wouldn’t bring them into this. Personally I did the seating chart by myself, showed it to my FH and my mom and got their approval. The table numbers circle around the sweetheart table with both the highest and the lowest numbers next to us, which is just how the caterer had the tables numbered in their online floor plan so I stuck with it. I wouldn’t worry too much about numbers unless you’re doing a buffet where tables numbers will be called. In that case then yes, I would make sure both families have lower numbered tables. I don’t think there’s a particular side you need to sit on, but I don’t know for sure.

View Quoted Comment Yeah we are doing a buffet where table numbers will be called, so probably need to equally distribute the more important numbers among the blood family members on each side.
Regarding FH’s side’s involvement: To be honest, my FH’s parents have been baffled about how little we have involved them in planning and are trying to respect our way of going about it. I think it’s because when their daughter (my soon-to-be SIL) got married, they had a wedding planner who let both sides of the family give input in the planning (we couldn’t afford a full planner, so my FH and I got a set budget from my parents and planned things ourselves from there). I know their feelings about this are not my responsibility, but I’d like for my relationship with my in-laws to be as cordial as I can manage.

I agree with the previous poster on this: "I think you’re over complicating this. Unless you need the help from your families I wouldn’t bring them into this." The one thing you should ask both sets of parents is whether there are people you shouldn't put at the same table because it could lead to a fight or drama. My fiance and I are planning to so the seating chart by ourselves, to ask parents about people who shouldn't be seated together and are not showing it to anyone (not even our parents) because of the potential "I want to be seated with X and Y" or " why the hell are you putting me with cousin X and not cousin Y since I love Y but I'm not close to X?" which would stress us out more than necessary.
Honestly girl: it's for 1-2 hours untill you're done with the meal and speeches/toasts, after that they can be seated elsewhere or not be seated at all if they want, so the fact of seating them with whoever you assigned them for the 1st part of your reception won't kill them.

When it comes to the table #, we are doing 1,2,3 for immediate family (fiance's parents are divorced and have a partner so they won't be seated together and we allowed them to have 6 friends each that we will invite (3 couples but only those who met the 2 of us ) so they can be with them at their table rather than picking family members over others) , then 4,6,8 for my extented family and 5,7,9 for his, 10 for my friends and their boy(girl)friends, 11 for his.

Honestly we’re just kind of mixing everyone. Like his parents are going to be placed with his grandparents on his mothers side (his fathers side of the family will not be attending) and then his aunt and uncle. My mother and stepfather will be placed with some family friends (my mother and myself do not have a relationship with her family and my stepfather and us do not speak to his family) so there will be no one else to seat them with and honestly my fiancé and my parents don’t really know each other. My mother and father don’t really get along so my father will be placed with my grandparents and family since only my dads side is coming. It’s a bit complicated lol. I wouldn’t worry too much. Just do what feels right

*my fiancés parents and my parents don’t know each other. Not my fiancé and my parents 🤦🏻‍♀️

We grouped my parents and his dad together, my grandparents and his grandparents together for one table. The 2nd table we did his siblings and step-dad. One of the other top tables were the plus ones of the our wedding party. and then we kind of grouped everyone together with how they know each other.

I think some parents care about the seating and some don't. My fiancé's mom wants to make the tables for her friends and relatives because she knows the family dynamics a lot better than I do. So I recommend asking your parents and in-laws if there's anything important they want to do, or if they're fine with you handling it. But you don't need to over-complicate things yet with specific numbers, etc. For me, I know we're going to put our oldest guests near the restroom/exits, and my friends who like to party near the bar. 😄

We aren't having table "numbers" at all. Instead, I have all types of beach/sea creatures vinyl stickers (suctome cut from Etsy); One 5x7 for the table, and then 1" ones to go on the escort cards. Funny how some guests get their panties in a twist in regards to their "number" placement. Figured this would avoid any twisted panties LOLOL

I think it's not a bad idea to speak with immediate family to make sure that there aren't any known feuds or anything to minimize conflict on your wedding day. If you are having a lot of extended family, they might know who is close to each other. As for table numbers, I did it based on "importance" so tables 1 and 2 would be your immediate family, then extended family, and so on. I'm pretty sure typically more than one table is called on at a time for buffets, so I wouldn't worry too much about the numbering between the families.

You could alternate the table numbers between families or do tables with half your family and half FH's family. I do like Pat's idea of table names rather than numbers so nobody gets worked up over what number they're at. The only concern would be if there's a lot of tables and people can't easily tell which table is theirs when they go to sit down (my family is super talkative and would wait until the very last second to sit before the grand entrance, so that would hold things up).

As far as involving FH's family, I'd just ask for suggestions of who should/ shouldn't be seated near each other and then show them the chart once it's done.