How to not invite the moms husband?

Is he physically abusive to you? Because that's pretty much the only reason you cannot invite.

Invite him. Either he'll come and you will seat him far away from the rest of the family, or he won't. You have a year to figure shit out.

Unless he's physically abusive, Satan's baby is going to have to get an invite. Maybe he'll decline.

You have no choice, they are a social unit.

ETA: Unless like he said, unless hes abusive.

@Gymmie-Dying at "Satan's Baby".

Tell your mom you don't want him there, its your wedding. My best friend didn't invite her stepdad and her mom was okay with it.

@Kirstie-...No.

This is a tough one, if it were me (and I had a similar situation with my FBIL) I would not invita someone that might cause issues or pain in your special day, because as you said it's your and FH's day. Explaining that to your mom is not going to be easy, you can have a heart to heart (if you have a close relationship) and without bashing him, explained that it would be too much for you to have him in the wedding, but you do have to prepare yourself for her saying she won't attend. It all falls down on what you will be willing to tolerate. Having him there or not having your mom at the wedding. Best of luck

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Damn... and no he has never hit me.

Honestly I think every situation if different. If its gonna cause tension between the family I would tell your mom he isnt invited. She obviously knows that he isnt liked. But I also would be ready for your mom to tell you shes not coming then... You have a lot of time I would wait to make your final decision.

Thanks, yea I am. Ill wait. Im kinda hoping he just doesnt want to come, that would be awesome. Lord knows I have plenty of time to figure it out, it just weighs on me sometimes!

I feel ya. We are considering not inviting my FMIL..... other family members may not come if she is there. Oy Vey!

Oh the joy.

I would talk to your mom about it. If the situation is that hostile, I doubt she'd even want to bring him around people that hate him.

I think this is a valid question but get ready for all the "they're a social unit so you have to invite him blah blah blah" backlash. My dad got married to a woman I loathe, she is the epitome of a gold digging POS. I don't want her in my life and told my dad she's not invited to the wedding. I got a rude awakening when he said that he won't come unless she's invited. I lost my mom 5 years ago, so my own father would let me get married without any parent if his partner isn't invited. That was a hard blow and our relationship has suffered because of that and other things. I'm still grappling with what to do. I'm only telling you this because you might run into a similar situation if you do not allow your mother to bring her husband. I think both you and I have to grin and bear it even though we don't want these people included in our special day. I love my dad more than I hate his wife, and I'm sure you love your mom more than you hate her husband, so if you can find it in your heart, invite them both. Then hope he declines and your mom comes solo, that way no drama and you're still the bigger person.

Thanks Elizabeth. Thats a really good way to look at it. It just sucks because currently in her husbands most recent drama he is being nasty to my brother. My brother and I are very close. So I think about that, and then stupid seating stuff, and not wanting to see him in a wedding photo. I sound mean, most would understand if they were in my situation but oh well. I think that is what I will have to do. Just send the invite and hope his dumbass declines.

Does your mom know the whole family hates him?

@Laura That's such a bummer I'm sorry for the drama. kind of takes away from the excitement of it all doesn't it? I'm sure it's weighing on you or you wouldn't have asked for advice. There's nothing to say you have to seat your brother and your mom and her husband at the same table. Maybe there's family friends they can sit with and you have every right to tell your mom why if she inquires. As far as the pictures, talk to you photographer and let her be the one to say "just the family" or something along those lines, so you get pictures with your mom, bro & co without him (and maybe a few w/the appease your mom). I decided a long time ago IF I take my own advice and invite my dad's wife, I will ask that she not be in family photos. She's not my mom or of importance to me so I hope my father at least understands that. Maybe also have some of your BM's aware of the situation so they can help steer people around to avoid any drama.

@annakay511 oh yea. Its a touchy subject so we dont really talk about it anymore. I dont believe my mom is happy with him, my dad thinks that she is just sticking it out because its her 3rd marriage and she doesnt want another failed marriage. Which I could understand. To add to all of this....I got married once when I was 20. Young, stupid, rushed into it. Im 30 now. Ive learned my lesson. He attempted to cause issues at my previous wedding to my ex. He tried to get my ex and my exs best man to hire an escort for the night. It was really strange. This was 10 years ago when I did not know him well (my mom married him 6 months before my marriage and I lived in another state). I approached my mom about it, just because we talk about everything and brought it up just because I thought maybe he was joking. He told my mom to never talk to me again, forced her to hang up on the phone. My mom wasnt allowed to talk to me in front of him for a year, all because I asked a question.....and no there was nothing more to it.

I think you need to invite him.

But, I think you can still talk to your mom and tell her your concerns. She may understand and find a way to convince him to stay home. You would know your mom best and know how she might handle that sort of conversation.